Monday, June 29, 2009

Ultra-retreat - day 15

I just found out I won $300 at Maryville Marathon!

Every year, I notice that there are too many of some type of animal. Last year it was frogs. This year, I think there are way more bunny rabbits than usual. I cringe at how I will see them smashed on the road.

Lesson: "Peace to my mind. Let all my thoughts be still."

Yesterday I mentioned letting go of control. That implied I was turning control over to God. Is it any wonder that I love A Course in Miracles for almost daily reminding me of God’s presence; and that all I need do is be quiet and listen to His Voice (instead of my ego voice). I would otherwise be panicked, as many are when they have no work.

Text 7.III:

- To be in the Kingdom is merely to focus your full attention on it.
- God has lit your mind Himself, and keeps your mind lit by His light because His light is what your mind is.
- Inspiration is of the Holy Spirit…He is in you…

What beautiful teachings Jesus had for me today. I really need to let God in, believe He is in my mind and my mind is in His.

During the run today, I thought a lot about the plumbing, the upcoming Psycho Psummer 50k and “is it ok for me to keep running like this?” I may shift my retreat more towards contemplation and taper for the Psycho. It is a grueling hot muddy race that will take me more than 8 hours to finish. I also need to plan a day for the plumbing (in case it takes me that long). I am able to fix the problem, but I usually have to make a trip to the hardware store right in the middle of everything.

Is it ok for me to keep running like this? Shoot! I can’t run like this to begin with. How it is that I am is beyond me. "Should I keep going?" may be a metaphysical question. Many laid off people are spending the summer carrying out their dreams. Running a self transcendence race is my dream. People do odd things over long periods of time to achieve a different reality than the everyday. I am changing my reality by running, silence and contemplation. I want to go down a layer of reality; to live outside the everyday illusion.

It is weird to finish off a 5 hour run in the hot sun, wishing you could keep going. My self transcendence is long and slow: not one humongous jolt, but daily mileage increases, drinks of water, electrolytes and peanut butter/honey sandwiches. Running down a long straight flat dirt road with corn fields on each side, deer flies attacking my legs, and sweat dripping down my face, IS the epitome of being as far as I’m concerned. This runner will win freedom from the ego norms and perceptions. This runner is my essence, pristine human elegance; the heart of my soul.

I spent a couple of hours a day directly on God when I was working. Now, I spend hours directly on God, but also spend the running time concentrating on the lesson. What a gob of time I don't spend on the ego world; but delving deeper into God. This is my addiction.

Now, I need to go think...

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