I realized that God is the Author of my life. What is happening now is a new chapter. I almost believe I am being given yet one more chance to live as God wants me to, outside the box of society. When I got laid off at GM (22 or so years ago) and was involved with Henry Wolfe, I made a try at “you create your own reality.” I gave up and went back to work because I didn’t know how to “sell” myself.
When I quit working for Steve (11 years ago) and had 4 months off, I didn’t really consider “you create your own reality,” but it was an intense spiritual time. It lead to the monastery as I wanted to be a full time contemplative.
Then I got kicked out of the monastery (6 years ago) and was again faced with being a “monk in the world,” I tried writing and gave it effort; but when offered a full time job in my field, I took it for the security.
Now, here I am again. Two people have told me to write. I have the resources to work at it. Through ACIM, I believe I am a practicing metaphysicist even if no one else at the world level knows it. Today I thought, “I can’t write a book, but God could.” That is the bottom line: God is the Author. Here and now I declare: God, I’m open to you. Lets do it. So I’ll do the contemplative work, the metaphysicist work and the literary work. Some day, I will have a new store front. In the meantime, its necessary to discuss my worldly fear with God, but otherwise follow the Guidance. Fear means I don’t trust God. I face this fear and go deeper into it. This fear is an ego manifestation. The Holy Spirit will help me and heal me and I will find light. I will find more than I ever dreamed of.
I am ready for a new chapter and I am much better able to let God write it this time.
I have had a thought in my mind for nearly a year: the day you find out you are laid off, remember to take the icon of Abraham’s Guests home. Last Tuesday, as soon as my boss and the HR lady left my office, I gathered the icon. It is now hanging where I can see it when I lay on my bed. It has been speaking to me. I see the deep contemplation of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit throughout eternity. Considering that we are the Son, I participate in the contemplation. It is a picture of true peace.
My marathon yesterday left me tight and a little sore, but no injuries. I walked an hour this morning and will walk again this afternoon. Heartland Prairie 50 miler is 117 days away. The thirteenth annual 3100 mile self transcendence race began today. Tomorrow begins a 30 day ultra-retreat: silent contemplation, jogging, spiritual study. I come to the ultra-retreat as a blank book: no expectations, no desires, merely there and available. I want God to write what He wants.