Below is a great picture of me coming in to the finish line of the Kansas City marathon. I am looking very intense.
My next race is a 24 hour race which starts on a Friday evening. I hope to run 50k on Friday night, finishing about 1 am. Adjourn to my hotel room to sleep and eat. Then return to the course on Saturday to complete at least another 50k.
I love being an athlete.
We are getting our first snow tonight and tomorrow night! And cold! My indoor machines might get alot of usage. However, I am going to make a pair of screw shoes tomorrow.
The alarm went off at 3:40 am. I was dead asleep. I knew the forecast called for rain today, but I hadn't seriously decided that maybe I didn't want to run a marathon in the rain. Marathons take me a long time so getting too cold is a consideration. But not today. The temps were in the 50s. Looking at the radar, the rain didn't look too hard. After some coffee and yogurt, packing my stuff, I was on the way to the race. Only a 20 minute drive. I was there very early so no problem getting a parking spot where I wanted. I sat in my car and read a book.
About an hour before the race, I went over to the festival area near the start. I had on a light weight poncho because of the rain. Most people were standing under tents, which is where I stood. I used the porta potties. They had alot of them so no waiting. About 15 minutes before the start, I got myself into the starting corral. I was positioned near the 4:50 pace bunny, although I lost him as soon as the race started. There were thousands of runners, doing the full marathon, the half marathon or 10k, all lined up together. I couldn't hear what the announcer was saying at all. Everybody shut up for the national anthem, which sounded like a recorded rendition using a clarinet and no voice. Wait, you cant find a good singer in the city? There were fire works when the horn blew. It took me at least a minute to begin to even move forward.
The race starts in an area known as Crown Center. The first part of the race goes north into downtown, and then circles south along The Paseo, The Plaza, along Ward Parkway, Brookside, Waldo, a bit into Johnson County, along Ward Parkway, back toward The Plaza, West Port, and back to Crown Center. It was a very decent tour of Kansas City and featured some really affluent sections with massive stately old mansions.
It rained lightly for about 2.5 hours. I ran at a 10:19 pace for the first half. I knew I could keep up that pace for 16 miles and that then I'd start to be whupped. I had a secret wish to finish in under 5 hours.
For much of the first half, I was wondering if I really should complete this race. The rain was not thrilling me and 26 miles seemed like a long way. But, as I approached the split where the half marathoners headed home, my body swung itself into the full marathon course. I resigned myself to finishing. All this mental struggle even though I was having a banner day: fastest paces in several years. I did great but did slow down for the last 8 miles. I didn't do any walking except for through aid stations. My jogging in the last 4 miles was slow, even on the down hills. My legs hurt, but no blisters or other injuries.
I started to hope for a sub-five hour finish. That would be major for me. I kept jogging although I'm sure I looked like I was barely moving. It wasn't raining and the sun shone in spots. The last mile was a gentle down hill but still I couldn't bring myself to pound my quads very hard. Lots of people were at the finish line. I made it! 4:49 by my Garmin (which doesn't include 2 pit stops). Second in my age group.
No pictures until the race photographer publishes. Due to the rain, I didn't take my cell phone on course.
This question appeared in my life recently and I was intrigued. It is a different take on the other question: What is the purpose of my life? I couldn't of myself come up with a purpose, like Jesus of something.
But what am I living for?
To be a writer. To be a marathoner. To be an ultra-fit elder woman. To be sober and in conscious contact with my higher power. To complete the book I'm working on. To push the envelope of my consciousness and evolutionary stance.
I am in the process of switching carriers and methods of accessing the internet. I decided that I didn't like one company. My interim measure is not sufficient for the long term. So now I have a new long term plan and it is in the works. But it takes a few days and some financial backing. I mention this because it is also a evolutionary and metaphysical process.
Yesterday, I installed a new type of smoke detector in my bedroom. This also is an evolutionary change, part of an evolutionary and metaphysical process. Completion required me going to the store and picking out a new detector. Then, a day later, thinking about it while laying on the bed reading, feeling the impetus to do something, putting down my book, getting off the bed, finding a screwdriver and making the switch. I needed to feel the impetus or nothing would have happened. For this feeling, I know that I can complete evolutionary processes step by step.
The book I am writing is an evolutionary process of changing the nature of addiction recovery. I can complete this process step by step.
What am I living for? To carry out metaphysical processes, called creation and human evolution. Fun, in other words.
I used to live in hopes of fixing my emotional state. I was a miserable creature, always angry and trying to prove myself, fending off the world and its people. I no longer have a need to do that. My emotional state is fine.
I quit my career type job to construct phase 3 of my life. I have a good start on that but it is a process. I am living to carry out the process.
But still, deep down inside, what did my physical being want to live for? Why did my soul want to be a human being? Why did my physical being end up in a tragic family of origin? I don't have the answer. I received many gifts from my parents, but also some very bad neuro wiring. I don't think I'll have these answers until I go home, transition out of physical life. For now, I keep pushing forward from where I am today. From the outside, I may appear to be sitting on a bench of life. What I am actually doing does not appear to the people of the world.
Tomorrow is the Kansas City marathon. Will it be just another marathon? Or will it be part of an evolutionary process? What am I living for? Will I feel invigorated at the end? Iwill if that is what I anticipate.
My studies of neuro-science and addiction have wandered far, including much pondering of hallucinogens. The god consciousness people describe during LSD trips seems like something I want but am deprived of.
Lately, I've been reading a book by a neuroscience professor, recovered addict, called "Never Enough" (Judith Grisel). She describes her acid trip like this: "... an ever-present, infinite, and wonder-full energy in, and around, and through, every speck of creation."
Well now. Actually, I know this. I have to admit that I know this ever-present energy without LSD. I know it whenever I want to know it. I just have to remember it. I am quite able to feel it as I feel the energy of joy and realize consciously that the universe is really a joy filled thing.
On another page, "Never Enough" describes the light of the LSD experience as: "...they (hallucinogens) shone a light on what is always available but somehow usually obscured." My daily short attempts to meditate have in fact given me knowledge of this "always available." The thing is that this ever-present energy of joy is not some tremendous out of body experience. It is a subtle knowing sort of thing. The author says that hallucinogens disrupt the default patterns of synapses. The thing is, that any person can also disrupt the habitual thinking patterns without drugs if they want. Just use the spiritual tools.
The beauty of quiet mornings, when I can sit quietly and ponder spiritual matters is that I share these times with a God Consciousness. And I admit that my entire life has been a seeking of this God Consciousness. The seeds of God Consciousness were planted very early and have been growing ever since. Now, in my sixties, I look at a huge tree, impossible to ignore. The growing of this tree is the purpose of my life.
And so, I still do laundry, go to the grocery store and work at a job in the service industry. Also, I will go running in a forest and thank the trees. I will also consciously thank all the people.
Today was my last really long run before the KC marathon in 2 weeks. I'm wanting to break 5 hours in a marathon. In the past 4 days, I've completed 50 miles and 2 weight workouts. Let's recap:
Monday: 5.5 hour shift at Starbucks plus a 9 mile slow jog in 90F temps.
Tuesday: 13.5 miles of hilly trails. 10 miles of running groomed trails plus 2.5 miles of hiking. Hot weather.
Wednesday: 9.5 miles at 9:25 per mile pace in reasonable weather, on asphalt with hills.
Thursday: 18.1 miles at 12 min/mile pace, no walking, cool temps.
I'm so happy with today's run because of the no walking business. In Houston, where I lived until a year ago, I could never get in long runs without walking due to the heat. Now I feel confident about running a marathon without much walking. I finished Heart of America marathon in 5:13, with some walking and really slow jogging at the end because of the heat. I know I have a sub 5 in me.
It is October, but summer weather was still with us as of yesterday. Amazing! But summer weather in Missouri is still far better than summer weather is on the Gulf Coast.
I an a year into phase 3 of my life, my post career life. I built in several situations for phase 3, and these are evolving.
I've been a Starbucks employee for 11 months, but in my current store for only 6 months. I find that my partners are now loosening up. They see that I am upholding my end of the work, and that they don't need to be scared of an older person. I am enjoying being on the team more each day. My body has become used to the work and I find the really busy days to be energizing. I know many customer's names and so relate to them also. So I count this part time job as a successful experiment.
Now that my situation with work is more routine, I can divert attention to writing projects. I find myself mulling over and over the neuro science of addiction, modern addiction treatment and spirituality. The decision to have a spiritual life is really a complete separation from the addicted life. The spiritual life is a complete shift in focus, and combating addiction is left behind. The missing piece is that spirituality works but can't be grasped in a material sense. Yet I think my approach to writing about it sufficiently provides the needed glimpses. The content is written. I continue too plow through editing and filling in gaps. This week, I got a chapter introduction done to share with my writer's critique group.
In general, and several times a day, I feel satisfaction in where I am at in life. I can still go out and run 10 miles for fun. I feel joy in physical fitness. I live in a place that is perfect for me. My bills are paid. I have time to read and write, or do the "deep work" as Cal Newport calls it. I live in a different world than the older ladies of my socio economic group, and I'm happy about that. I am extremely glad to be me, and that is a huge change from a year ago when I was still stuck in a corporate box.
