Monday, June 1, 2009

My Ego is Shrieking

There is nothing to do, no place to go, can’t speed anything up. I am talking about running and metaphysics.

Running: I am in taper mode, getting ready for the Maryville Marathon on June 13. It entered my awareness yesterday: I am not injured from running, but I am carrying large numbers of micro-injuries at the cellular level. If I taper, these will be well gone before the race. Then, I can push myself during the race. Then I will not receive a run stopping injury post-race.

Metaphysics: The Course in Miracles workbook can only be done one day at a time. The Text can only be digested a little every day. Jesus allows me to heal as quickly as I am able, which often feels like a snail’s pace.

The trick to success however is to not start any $h!t. That is, be peaceful. Everything is fine. Stirring things up or pushing will not help, will not gain anything.

My ego’s insatiability is not lurking. It is right there on the surface making demands: run more, pray more!!! Tell God to give you enlightenment! Hey, Spirit Flower, I’m yelling at you! My ego is in panic mode because I am not obeying it and instead doing what is right for me as spirit. My ego doesn’t know that I am spirit and it kept me from wondering about my true identity for most of my life. But now that I know, I am not a dedicated follower of my ego any more. I am seeking to listen only to the Holy Spirit; and trade worldly self glory for peace.

I am aware that nothing "out there" can satisfy an ego; and only quiet listening will bring me relief.

Here I am at work. I have a day of work in front of me that must be done. Environmental deadlines need to be met, samples taken, reports completed. All of this is very unglamorous. Finding Jesus in the boring mess of a crummy ethanol plant and environmental compliance is a challenge. Finding Jesus means finding peace and gratitude. Finding Jesus means finding the quiet place of holiness inside me and then seeing it in others. Minute by minute, “seeing” is my task. Seeing only holiness is actually all I need do for every minute of every day for the rest of my life.

Today I rode my bicycle to work. I came with at least a gallon of fresh juice, master cleanser, green smoothie and purified water. My goal for the morning is to stay away from the snack machine. Please pray for me!

1 comment:

Tracy said...

My trick for not eating anything at work that you didn't bring is to bring something you don't like with the intention of not eating it. For example, Triscuit crackers. I don't like them. So if I'm hungry, I can eat the Triscuits, but nothing else. No buying snacks.