This morning, when I sat down at my table, I thought, "Peace." Even as I sat in an AA meeting this morning, I thought, "I don't feel hateful right now."
So, I accept a reprieve from hatred. My emotional condition seems to me rather like a missing leg. The condition won't ever change, but I don't have to let it be the only thing in my life. Yes, it impacts everything, but it is not everything. I don't feel so bad. Now, I can laugh when my ego accuses me of being a spiritual failure because I still feel hate. Hate belongs to the ego. I can laugh. It just means I'm missing a leg. This perception shift in my view of my hatred must be a miracle.
I've lived with alcoholism all my life, but never desired to drink after that last one (23 years ago). Actually, I quit drinking on hatred. Yes, the morning after my last drink, I thought, "If you keep drinking, you will end up like your mother;" and I hated her. I quit on the spot and it was several months before I broke down emotionally, went to a shrink, and was advised to go to AA because I was an alcoholic. I am either a hateful drunk or hatefully sober. My hate is my handicap. But, sober, I can work with it. Sober and spiritual, my hate is not a weapon (except perhaps against myself).
AA is not about not drinking. It is about having a spiritual experience. I discovered religion before I discovered spirituality in AA. Having learned of the 12 Step techniques, I have expanded. I am actually quite happy with today's consideration of what hate is to me. It loses its power if I realize it is no different than missing legs and I can work around it.
- The Holy Spirit teaches one lesson...all power is yours.
- God has lit your mind Himself, and keeps your mind lit by His light because His light is what your mind is.
I ran 74 miles this week.