I have been a student of A Course in Miracles (ACIM) for several years. Also, for the past 6 months, I've been slowly plowing my way through Plotinus' Enneads. I am not even half way through, up to the third Ennead.
Every few days, I find some gem of an idea buried in Plotinus. Often, these gems overlap with a principle of ACIM. My understanding of Plotinus, who was a Platonist (studied the Greek philosopher Plato), is framed in principles which overlap from ACIM. I'm taking the principles themselves to be general truths and as such should be true for all humans and all religions and philosophies.
Not Christianity, but Christ Himself. (imo)
A key principle of ACIM is "forgiveness" which doesn't have the same meaning as most people think. It means looking beyond to the Christ Principle within, beyond this world. If this idea is translated into Platonism using Ideal Form, Reason Principle, Authentic Existence, and others; we get a unified explanation of ACIM. So truth is true and completely practice-able by ordinary humans. (er, or anyone who really wants to).
I can't offer a sound bite of two books, each of which is over 700 pages. I offer my excitement to know I am happily on a path of truth.
If you are a student of ACIM, you will recognize Christ Vision and forgiveness in the following key cut from Plotinus 3.8.7:
"All the forms of Authentic Existence spring from vision and are a vision. Everything that springs from these Authentic Existences in their vision is an object of vision-manifest to sensation or to true knowledge or to surface-awareness. All act aims at this knowing; all impulse is towards knowledge, all that springs from vision exists to produce Ideal-Form, that is a fresh object of vision, so that universally, as images of their engendering principles, they all produce objects of vision, Ideal-forms. In the engendering of these sub-existences, imitations of the Authentic, it is made manifest that the creating powers operate not for the sake of creation and action but in order to produce an object of vision. This same vision is the ultimate purpose of all the acts of the mind and, even further downward, of all sensation, since sensation also is an effort towards knowledge; lower still, Nature, producing similarly its subsequent principle, brings into being the vision and Idea that we know in it. It is certain, also, that as the Firsts exist in vision all other things must be straining towards the same condition; the starting point is, universally, the goal.
When living things reproduce their Kind, it is that the Reason-Principles within stir them; the procreative act is the expression of a contemplation, a travail towards the creation of many forms, many objects of contemplation, so that the universe may be filled full with Reason-Principles and that contemplation may be, as nearly as possible, endless: to bring anything into being is to produce an Idea-Form and that again is to enrich the universe with contemplation: all the failures, alike in being and in doing, are but the swerving of visionaries from the object of vision: in the end the sorriest craftsman is still a maker of forms, ungracefully. So Love, too, is vision with the pursuit of Ideal-Form."
I am happy I continue to shamelessly follow Jesus. I am excited and enlightened. The Compassionate Spirit has worked within my heart and brought me a vision of The Real World.
Showing posts with label contemplation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label contemplation. Show all posts
Friday, April 25, 2014
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Stability
Benedictines take vows of Obedience (to a prioress), Conversatio (conversion of morals) and Stability (to the monastery). I was in Benedictine formation and completed my novitiate. So even though I didn't make profession, I was completely formed by the Benedictine method. Regardless of public witness of vows, which I lack, I did write these vows out formally and make them to God. So in my heart, I made these vows.
And I've never been able to escape thinking about them for more than 10 years since I made them.
I was thinking about stability this morning. I need stability in the cave of my heart and stability of intention and action. Being stable on the inside seems like it should manifest as stability on the outside. In some areas, like the engineering profession, I've been an engineer my whole career. But not one employer.
So this morning, my small mind was continuing a struggle which is not a struggle. See, I'm a process safety engineer. I live in Houston where job openings abound. I've almost been with my current employer for 5 years. My small mind wants to apply for a job or two, just to see how much more money I could make. That is a ridiculous idea. I make enough money and I have a great job.
As I type this, I can feel the agitation of my small mind that continuously struggles. Why does it do that? What is the root cause?
For one, there is a dopamine reward cycle involved with achieving change. another dopamine reward cycle involved with self importance, and winning. It is very difficult to resist the lure of dopamine.
I don't want to make a change. But I don't know how to calm my small mind. Usually, I follow the small mind's dictates eventually. But this goes against stability at the present moment. And I want stability in order to continue putting my energy into contemplation and stability of heart. I don't want to waste my energy making job changes. My intention is spiritual growth and my actions should be in that direction; not following the small mind and achieving in the world.
How will I contain the constant agitation of my small mind? There are more agitations than job changes. I will continue to return to my prayer word. I will continue to stick to my habits of Conversatio, spiritual study, contemplative silence. I know this is obedience to the Spirit and not the small mind. I am spirit, not a small mind.
And I've never been able to escape thinking about them for more than 10 years since I made them.
I was thinking about stability this morning. I need stability in the cave of my heart and stability of intention and action. Being stable on the inside seems like it should manifest as stability on the outside. In some areas, like the engineering profession, I've been an engineer my whole career. But not one employer.
So this morning, my small mind was continuing a struggle which is not a struggle. See, I'm a process safety engineer. I live in Houston where job openings abound. I've almost been with my current employer for 5 years. My small mind wants to apply for a job or two, just to see how much more money I could make. That is a ridiculous idea. I make enough money and I have a great job.
As I type this, I can feel the agitation of my small mind that continuously struggles. Why does it do that? What is the root cause?
For one, there is a dopamine reward cycle involved with achieving change. another dopamine reward cycle involved with self importance, and winning. It is very difficult to resist the lure of dopamine.
I don't want to make a change. But I don't know how to calm my small mind. Usually, I follow the small mind's dictates eventually. But this goes against stability at the present moment. And I want stability in order to continue putting my energy into contemplation and stability of heart. I don't want to waste my energy making job changes. My intention is spiritual growth and my actions should be in that direction; not following the small mind and achieving in the world.
How will I contain the constant agitation of my small mind? There are more agitations than job changes. I will continue to return to my prayer word. I will continue to stick to my habits of Conversatio, spiritual study, contemplative silence. I know this is obedience to the Spirit and not the small mind. I am spirit, not a small mind.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Loftier Thoughts
Today is day 17 of having one leg out of service. It is day 4 of going back to work. I recognize that the rest of my body is tired of hauling around the one bad leg. But work hardening is occurring and already I notice my hands are not as sore from the crutches and I'm not a tired when I go home.
This morning, I was noticing a mental component to all this; which gave me an insight for my spiritual journey. The past 4 days I have wanted to use my disability as an excuse to work fewer hours. It is an attempt to feel sorry for myself and slack off; even while there isn't really a need for this. At the same time, I notice a governing drive which gets out of bed anyway, gets me into the shower anyway so I am sweet smelling and gets me to work on time anyway, and keeps me here for 8 hours anyway.
As I worked on my spiritual study this morning, I noticed the friction going on between the slacker attitude and the governing drive. I realize that the governing drive always wins even though the slacker chews at the governor's edges. It is a friction, a tension. But I realize that while it became apparent in reflecting on my disability, it is actually a life long issue. The same friction is apparent in the struggle to get out of bed everyday or exercise everyday or practice contemplation when I have free time.
Some people might even say that the slacker is sin and the governor is virtue. The slacker is not sin. The slacker is also not my essence. It is just a function of the illusion of this world.
Now that slacker is identified, I can use it as a tool to raise my thinking. Now I have got to the crux of the matter. A monk has a desire to know God. Over the ages, monks have retreated to deserts, hermitages and monasteries as environments that provide space to think spiritual thoughts more than worldly thoughts. As a monk in the world, I can now consider how slacker drags back governor and prevents contemplation (loftier thinking) even when I have time available for it.
When I thought about being out of commission due to leg surgery, I thought it would be an opportunity for contemplation as I would be off work. But that didn't turn out.
Now, with the new insight on slacker vs. governor, I want to refocus on contemplation. I want to make it happen even if I have to be a monk in the world. It must grow more each day; no excuses since I don't live in a monastery. Even when I did live in a monastery, I noticed all us nuns were often wrapped up in non-contemplative thinking.
This morning, I was noticing a mental component to all this; which gave me an insight for my spiritual journey. The past 4 days I have wanted to use my disability as an excuse to work fewer hours. It is an attempt to feel sorry for myself and slack off; even while there isn't really a need for this. At the same time, I notice a governing drive which gets out of bed anyway, gets me into the shower anyway so I am sweet smelling and gets me to work on time anyway, and keeps me here for 8 hours anyway.
As I worked on my spiritual study this morning, I noticed the friction going on between the slacker attitude and the governing drive. I realize that the governing drive always wins even though the slacker chews at the governor's edges. It is a friction, a tension. But I realize that while it became apparent in reflecting on my disability, it is actually a life long issue. The same friction is apparent in the struggle to get out of bed everyday or exercise everyday or practice contemplation when I have free time.
Some people might even say that the slacker is sin and the governor is virtue. The slacker is not sin. The slacker is also not my essence. It is just a function of the illusion of this world.
Now that slacker is identified, I can use it as a tool to raise my thinking. Now I have got to the crux of the matter. A monk has a desire to know God. Over the ages, monks have retreated to deserts, hermitages and monasteries as environments that provide space to think spiritual thoughts more than worldly thoughts. As a monk in the world, I can now consider how slacker drags back governor and prevents contemplation (loftier thinking) even when I have time available for it.
When I thought about being out of commission due to leg surgery, I thought it would be an opportunity for contemplation as I would be off work. But that didn't turn out.
Now, with the new insight on slacker vs. governor, I want to refocus on contemplation. I want to make it happen even if I have to be a monk in the world. It must grow more each day; no excuses since I don't live in a monastery. Even when I did live in a monastery, I noticed all us nuns were often wrapped up in non-contemplative thinking.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Adoration
Yes, I would like to fall on my kness and be in abject awe of The Divine.
I don't do it by sitting in front of a piece of bread. Just the thought "Adoration" causes me to pause. And then contemplation springs up. Contemplation of anything.
Yes, contemplation of Jesus crucified is a worthy image. Be silent when you do this. Do not repeat to yourself anything you may have read in the Bible or in church.
I don't do it by sitting in front of a piece of bread. Just the thought "Adoration" causes me to pause. And then contemplation springs up. Contemplation of anything.
Yes, contemplation of Jesus crucified is a worthy image. Be silent when you do this. Do not repeat to yourself anything you may have read in the Bible or in church.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
The Endless Path
If I had stayed in the convent, I'd be spending the weekend sitting in this room with these elderly nuns:
I pretty much hate sitting around rooms going through namby pamby discernment exercises. It is not like manufacturing groups don't also have meetings and set goals. Its just that things move along quicker. We don't have to ask who we are.
I am gathering my things and packing my bags. I have an ultra-marathon on tap this weekend. I'll be here, doing this and looking pretty much like this:
This is a picture from 3 years ago; the last time I was in this race.
Instead of being a nun with no possessions. I am an engineer with a six figure salary, a car, a home and everything else. My own treadmill, elliptical, nordic track, ex-bike and weight set. I have a stock of 4 new pairs of running shoes in the closet.
Instead of practicing Roman Catholicism and sitting in Adoration before the holy eucharist, I practice A Course in Miracles and sit before the inner altar where Christ is. And long distance running is my prayer. Endurance is my meditation. The endless trail is my contemplation.
How long can I go? What will it feel like?
When I left the convent, I didn't give up Christ, or silence or contemplation. But a part of me can't forget them. If you asked me if I am better off where I am now, I'd answer yes. But I still look back. I still look back.
And then I look forward. I look forward. The path is long. The path is my conversation with God. I am spirit, talking through Spirit in communication with Source.
I pretty much hate sitting around rooms going through namby pamby discernment exercises. It is not like manufacturing groups don't also have meetings and set goals. Its just that things move along quicker. We don't have to ask who we are.
I am gathering my things and packing my bags. I have an ultra-marathon on tap this weekend. I'll be here, doing this and looking pretty much like this:
This is a picture from 3 years ago; the last time I was in this race.
Instead of being a nun with no possessions. I am an engineer with a six figure salary, a car, a home and everything else. My own treadmill, elliptical, nordic track, ex-bike and weight set. I have a stock of 4 new pairs of running shoes in the closet.
Instead of practicing Roman Catholicism and sitting in Adoration before the holy eucharist, I practice A Course in Miracles and sit before the inner altar where Christ is. And long distance running is my prayer. Endurance is my meditation. The endless trail is my contemplation.
How long can I go? What will it feel like?
When I left the convent, I didn't give up Christ, or silence or contemplation. But a part of me can't forget them. If you asked me if I am better off where I am now, I'd answer yes. But I still look back. I still look back.
And then I look forward. I look forward. The path is long. The path is my conversation with God. I am spirit, talking through Spirit in communication with Source.
Friday, February 17, 2012
The Cliff
It is a point of contemplation: I am on the brink of my Friday evening workout. Why am I doing this? I am not exactly and ultra-runner at this time. I have no need for training per se. But yet again this week, here I am about to spend 2 hours on strength and aerobics.
And so I pause, on the brink and become very still. I compose myself into a contemplative statue. Quiet inside and out. I ponder and wait. Silence descending into my being is the greatest gift. Silence is my fuel. Silence is the language of my inner power and motivation.
Slowly, the elliptical begin to turn. I start to work on my thoughts. I allow the days annoyances into my consciousness that I may work on them.
Daily life begs a declaration: Let me not forget my function.
I can't afford to attack with my thoughts. I cannot afford to allow my thoughts to spiral around the temptation to hate. And so I declare: Love holds no grievances. Grievances, attack thoughts, the temptation to hate are all one thing: my ego diverting my attention from Love and Silence. I cannot afford this. And so I repeat my declaration: let me not forget my function.
And so I pause, on the brink and become very still. I compose myself into a contemplative statue. Quiet inside and out. I ponder and wait. Silence descending into my being is the greatest gift. Silence is my fuel. Silence is the language of my inner power and motivation.
Slowly, the elliptical begin to turn. I start to work on my thoughts. I allow the days annoyances into my consciousness that I may work on them.
Daily life begs a declaration: Let me not forget my function.
I can't afford to attack with my thoughts. I cannot afford to allow my thoughts to spiral around the temptation to hate. And so I declare: Love holds no grievances. Grievances, attack thoughts, the temptation to hate are all one thing: my ego diverting my attention from Love and Silence. I cannot afford this. And so I repeat my declaration: let me not forget my function.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Endless Running - Now
See, I signed up for a 50k race which was to start Friday night. But I really do not think it will be very fun to: drive 4 hours to the race site, run in that heat at night for 7+ hours, get back in the car about 5 am, and drive 4 hours home, then crash in bed for half the day. What was I thinking?
I was thinking about endless running. See, I do long slow distance runs for the contemplative time. To do it on a lonely Kansas farm road in the middle of the night added a mysterious dimension since I can't actually see where I am going and my world gets reduced to the tiny circle of light my head light puts out. I wanted to do this in the race environment because there would be a definite distance and aid stations every 5 or so miles.
Unfortuately, the extreme heat takes the endeavor somewhat outside my physical capability. I've been a distance runner for 39 years. I don't lie to myself about my limits. Its unlikely I'll make it to the race.
This morning, as I was out running at 4 am, I decided to accept the dark mystery which was surrounding me right at that very moment. And that I could do the same every morning this week. A darkened suburb is not quite the same as a cornfield, but for contemplation, the dark suburb is enough.
And so I just ran, unthinking, up here, down there, around there and again. The endless night of the long distance runner started for me this morning and will continue every morning just as it has for many years. Its up to me to remember that I've been given the contemplative gift now. I don't have to wait for Friday night, or a race. Just run. That is the goal.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
God and Engineering
I am off on a seemingly different topic; at least different from running and A Course in Miracles, sort of.
11 years ago, I was working as an engineer completing highly technical calculations for sizing relief valves on chemical reactors. I was doing this work for the company I currently work for. 11 years ago, I had begun to practice silent contemplation. I was filling my head with the works of John of the Cross, Theresa of Avila, Thomas Merton and some Buddhist monks. I was convinced that to carry out my mission to know God, I had to go live in a monastery. So, I engineered a project and quickly found myself confirmed Roman Catholic and installed as a Postulant in a contemplative Benedictine religious order.
4 years later (on the day I was supposed to take vows), I found myself suddenly on the streets. Next, I found myself in a parish and working as a cashier at a bakery.
1 year later, I returned to my engineering profession as I had obtained a job at an ethanol plant located in a small town in Kansas. So I lived there for 5 years, practicing contemplation, solitude and running alot. I worked my way through leaving the Catholic Church, divorcing myself from most of society and adopting A Course in Miracles as my spiritual text.
Last June, I got laid off the ethanol plant job, but obtained a job at my former employer. I have been there for over a year as a Process Safety Engineer. And now, I find myself slowly returning to involvement with pressure safety. Today, I am at a DIERS workshop in San Diego, learning more about the complicated calculations needed to design relief valves for chemical reactors.
I am also reading a book called "The Hermitage Within." Last night I had these thoughts: When I am alone, I have the opportunity to block out the world. And then, simply wait for God; sitting quietly, completely available, listening. I recognize The Presence here and now.
I find it must be my task to integrate a life in the world with contemplation. I must integrate the intricate design of relief valves with the massive silence of God. This idea takes my breath away. People think only monks can be intensely spiritual or that monks have some special place in God consciousness. Read Vatican documents on the place of religious in the world and they clearly state that contemplative nuns are closer into the heart of God than the rest of us.
It simply can't be true if God is love. It must be true that God comes to whoever wants Him and is willing to give up everything else. So, as I sit in class for the next few days, I'll be making prayers of equations for bubbly two phase flow.
I find myself in the heart of God whenever I consciously recognize the fact. Everyone is there with me; but many don't know it. If God is love, so are we. There is nothing else. And so I sit before the massive silence and feel awe; even as some teacher drones on and on about two phase flow.
11 years ago, I was working as an engineer completing highly technical calculations for sizing relief valves on chemical reactors. I was doing this work for the company I currently work for. 11 years ago, I had begun to practice silent contemplation. I was filling my head with the works of John of the Cross, Theresa of Avila, Thomas Merton and some Buddhist monks. I was convinced that to carry out my mission to know God, I had to go live in a monastery. So, I engineered a project and quickly found myself confirmed Roman Catholic and installed as a Postulant in a contemplative Benedictine religious order.
4 years later (on the day I was supposed to take vows), I found myself suddenly on the streets. Next, I found myself in a parish and working as a cashier at a bakery.
1 year later, I returned to my engineering profession as I had obtained a job at an ethanol plant located in a small town in Kansas. So I lived there for 5 years, practicing contemplation, solitude and running alot. I worked my way through leaving the Catholic Church, divorcing myself from most of society and adopting A Course in Miracles as my spiritual text.
Last June, I got laid off the ethanol plant job, but obtained a job at my former employer. I have been there for over a year as a Process Safety Engineer. And now, I find myself slowly returning to involvement with pressure safety. Today, I am at a DIERS workshop in San Diego, learning more about the complicated calculations needed to design relief valves for chemical reactors.
I am also reading a book called "The Hermitage Within." Last night I had these thoughts: When I am alone, I have the opportunity to block out the world. And then, simply wait for God; sitting quietly, completely available, listening. I recognize The Presence here and now.
I find it must be my task to integrate a life in the world with contemplation. I must integrate the intricate design of relief valves with the massive silence of God. This idea takes my breath away. People think only monks can be intensely spiritual or that monks have some special place in God consciousness. Read Vatican documents on the place of religious in the world and they clearly state that contemplative nuns are closer into the heart of God than the rest of us.
It simply can't be true if God is love. It must be true that God comes to whoever wants Him and is willing to give up everything else. So, as I sit in class for the next few days, I'll be making prayers of equations for bubbly two phase flow.
I find myself in the heart of God whenever I consciously recognize the fact. Everyone is there with me; but many don't know it. If God is love, so are we. There is nothing else. And so I sit before the massive silence and feel awe; even as some teacher drones on and on about two phase flow.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Running Salvation
I am a troubled soul. Maybe all souls are troubled but they keep quiet about it. Most alcoholics I know think that they are troubled because they have an "alcoholic personality." I know this idea comes from Bill Wilson, the founder of AA, but I do not agree with it. I think to be human is to have a troubled soul; and alcoholics use alcohol to deal with it.
My spirituality has been what I use to deal with my troubled soul. And I've come to believe it is not my soul that is troubled. It is my ego. So every morning, I have to do something about my ego. My ego is always pissed that life hasn't been that great for it. My ego always hates the people around me. My ego always thinks God is not there.
I did my spiritual work this morning with exactly this outlook on the world. Its funny to spend the evening before feeling the strong call of God to inner silence and then wake up in the morning a complete bear. But, I asked for divine help, "I need to see the light in me."
And so I went running: extremely warm out there, full moon, no T-storms, freshly cut slit in the cuff of my CWX capris made them finally comfortable, not very energetic so I ran slowly. I had about 80 minutes for this run. My mind was mulling over my emotional states and wondering if I am hopelessly depressed, again reviewing the impossibility of re-joining society.
And then the miracle. I can't remember exactly all the thoughts but I'll re-cap. I realized I can only go further into the belief that the world is an illusion and not worry about it. Then I was uplifted with the thought that I would be given whatever I needed for today. So my fear of the future and my difficult employment disappeared. I entered the now and realized God was with me now.
I am in transition from thinking this world is real to know this world is an illusion and identifying with my true self, which is in God. I am in transition from ego relationships to the one real relationship which we all have and are, the beloved Son of God.
Then, I thought, "all I've wanted for a long time was a life of contemplation of God." Contemplation of God is the call I heard at the age of 22 when I was in Israel watching Hassidic Jews pray. Contemplation was the real reason I sought monastic life. Contemplation is the reason I began ultra running. Then the thought came that everything was a gift and contemplating the gifts was contemplating God. This completely diffused my hatred and fear of a certain person. They became gift not enemy (which is the point of spirituality IMO). Nothing more need be done than to realize this. Then it struck me. The reality of God is that I am now in a total embrace of love and everything is gift.
I totally believed this for a brief instant. I saw the light for a brief instant.
Now that was a successful run and it is for enlightenment that I run.
My spirituality has been what I use to deal with my troubled soul. And I've come to believe it is not my soul that is troubled. It is my ego. So every morning, I have to do something about my ego. My ego is always pissed that life hasn't been that great for it. My ego always hates the people around me. My ego always thinks God is not there.
I did my spiritual work this morning with exactly this outlook on the world. Its funny to spend the evening before feeling the strong call of God to inner silence and then wake up in the morning a complete bear. But, I asked for divine help, "I need to see the light in me."
And so I went running: extremely warm out there, full moon, no T-storms, freshly cut slit in the cuff of my CWX capris made them finally comfortable, not very energetic so I ran slowly. I had about 80 minutes for this run. My mind was mulling over my emotional states and wondering if I am hopelessly depressed, again reviewing the impossibility of re-joining society.
And then the miracle. I can't remember exactly all the thoughts but I'll re-cap. I realized I can only go further into the belief that the world is an illusion and not worry about it. Then I was uplifted with the thought that I would be given whatever I needed for today. So my fear of the future and my difficult employment disappeared. I entered the now and realized God was with me now.
I am in transition from thinking this world is real to know this world is an illusion and identifying with my true self, which is in God. I am in transition from ego relationships to the one real relationship which we all have and are, the beloved Son of God.
Then, I thought, "all I've wanted for a long time was a life of contemplation of God." Contemplation of God is the call I heard at the age of 22 when I was in Israel watching Hassidic Jews pray. Contemplation was the real reason I sought monastic life. Contemplation is the reason I began ultra running. Then the thought came that everything was a gift and contemplating the gifts was contemplating God. This completely diffused my hatred and fear of a certain person. They became gift not enemy (which is the point of spirituality IMO). Nothing more need be done than to realize this. Then it struck me. The reality of God is that I am now in a total embrace of love and everything is gift.
I totally believed this for a brief instant. I saw the light for a brief instant.
Now that was a successful run and it is for enlightenment that I run.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Personal Multi-days - Dream
Today I ran 27 miles in the park. Doing 9x1s at about 11.9 min/mile. Today, I recited Hail Mary's during the 9 minutes of running and the Our Father during the one minute of walking. This was like the Japanese monk who does 1,000 daily marathons and prostrates at shrines located along his path. The park where I run has no shrines, but I made a shrine out of time with the one minute of walking.
Now I have a fresh memory of what it feels like to run more than a marathon 2 days in a row. I had not really planned to run 27 miles today. I just went to the park with a large amount of sports drink and Gu and decided to go as long as I felt like it. I actually went fast the last 2 laps because it was very hot. I made the decision to do 10 laps during the 8th lap. And I wanted out of the sun, so I went faster. Go figure where that speed came from.
I started running ultras because I was inspired by the 3,100 mile Self Transcendence race (about 12 people run/walk around a block in NYC for 16 hours a day and try to run 3,100 miles in 52 days). What inspired me was the meditative aspect of doing endless miles in this manner.
My inspiration lead me to try ultras. I'm still fascinated by the idea of mentalling spiralling inward to Silence as many boring miles are completed. Earlier this year, I completed 80 miles in 20 hours in one mile laps. My mind does find such a thing soothing, but the body is pretty whipped after about 50 miles. I'm trying to practice contemplation, not worry about whether my foot is broken.
I've been in the habit of attempting personal multi-days whenever I have a long weekend. Last summer when I was laid off, I ran/walked upwards of 6 hours every day.
Today, as I was running I sort of got an idea of what I would like to do for my next vacation, 11/20 to 28: 10 ultras in 10 days. The plan would be to run/walk around the park 10 laps (27 miles), 10 days in a row. And see where my mind takes me. The physical part is hard but not that hard as running is slow. The mental part is very hard. Most people undertake their endurance feats in the venue of an organized event. This helps them to honestly finish without "quitting." Part of my mental journey is to do a thing without the measurements of other people.
This plan is tentative. As always, if I complete it, it will be one step at a time.
Now I have a fresh memory of what it feels like to run more than a marathon 2 days in a row. I had not really planned to run 27 miles today. I just went to the park with a large amount of sports drink and Gu and decided to go as long as I felt like it. I actually went fast the last 2 laps because it was very hot. I made the decision to do 10 laps during the 8th lap. And I wanted out of the sun, so I went faster. Go figure where that speed came from.
I started running ultras because I was inspired by the 3,100 mile Self Transcendence race (about 12 people run/walk around a block in NYC for 16 hours a day and try to run 3,100 miles in 52 days). What inspired me was the meditative aspect of doing endless miles in this manner.
My inspiration lead me to try ultras. I'm still fascinated by the idea of mentalling spiralling inward to Silence as many boring miles are completed. Earlier this year, I completed 80 miles in 20 hours in one mile laps. My mind does find such a thing soothing, but the body is pretty whipped after about 50 miles. I'm trying to practice contemplation, not worry about whether my foot is broken.
I've been in the habit of attempting personal multi-days whenever I have a long weekend. Last summer when I was laid off, I ran/walked upwards of 6 hours every day.
Today, as I was running I sort of got an idea of what I would like to do for my next vacation, 11/20 to 28: 10 ultras in 10 days. The plan would be to run/walk around the park 10 laps (27 miles), 10 days in a row. And see where my mind takes me. The physical part is hard but not that hard as running is slow. The mental part is very hard. Most people undertake their endurance feats in the venue of an organized event. This helps them to honestly finish without "quitting." Part of my mental journey is to do a thing without the measurements of other people.
This plan is tentative. As always, if I complete it, it will be one step at a time.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
I Give My Mind to God
This thought came to me last night: what I want is a life of total reliance on God. Period.
Now today: Another Saturday. Another Saturday spent both running and in the aftermath of running. This morning, I ran 16.2 miles in the park and then another 9.7 on the trails. Considering this all took 5:45, I feel good. In a sense, this morning was a personal best. I had not done the trails before with that many miles already on my legs. I saw no less than 3 baby turtles in the sanctuary.
I run in peace in the sanctuary of my mind as well. My running stands in solitude, with my mind and my spirit, an incomprehensible mirror of the contemplative life, a doorway to another world. I am free. My running is my spirit. My life is devoted to God in contemplation and solitude; a way of life whose value has no worldly equivalent and whose truth cannot be grasped by the ego mind.
I let God guide me. I see that things do indeed change. I see them differently. I am a solitary contemplative, celibate, sober, A Course in Miracles student, long distance runner. The joy of these things is not understood by others; but I see that I no longer feel angry about that. The anger has been my problem. Slowly, I have given it to the Holy Spirit. Now, it is light and I see light all around me. I see beyond this world and no longer hold it hostage to my ego needs.
So, I will again go running tomorrow. For now, I will sit quietly, looking inward at the light of Christ, maintaining its presence as the one thing in my mind. I will drink clear water.
Now today: Another Saturday. Another Saturday spent both running and in the aftermath of running. This morning, I ran 16.2 miles in the park and then another 9.7 on the trails. Considering this all took 5:45, I feel good. In a sense, this morning was a personal best. I had not done the trails before with that many miles already on my legs. I saw no less than 3 baby turtles in the sanctuary.
I run in peace in the sanctuary of my mind as well. My running stands in solitude, with my mind and my spirit, an incomprehensible mirror of the contemplative life, a doorway to another world. I am free. My running is my spirit. My life is devoted to God in contemplation and solitude; a way of life whose value has no worldly equivalent and whose truth cannot be grasped by the ego mind.
I let God guide me. I see that things do indeed change. I see them differently. I am a solitary contemplative, celibate, sober, A Course in Miracles student, long distance runner. The joy of these things is not understood by others; but I see that I no longer feel angry about that. The anger has been my problem. Slowly, I have given it to the Holy Spirit. Now, it is light and I see light all around me. I see beyond this world and no longer hold it hostage to my ego needs.
So, I will again go running tomorrow. For now, I will sit quietly, looking inward at the light of Christ, maintaining its presence as the one thing in my mind. I will drink clear water.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Solitary Endurance
“Their joy is in the innocence they see.” (25.IV) This morning, I needed the Holy Spirit to give me a perspective on joy that was totally different than what I could think of by myself. From there, I was able to go running with the idea of peace: “Those who offer peace to everyone have found a home in Heaven the world cannot destroy. For it is large enough to hold the world within its peace… In you there is a vision that extends to all of them, and covers them in gentleness and light.” I went out into the park filled with peace (and this is how I celebrated 9/11, with a silent peace in my head).
What is the joy in the life of a solitary? I have never been able to accept that joy was really the temporary feeling of achievement in the world, or any of the entertainments people take part in. This morning, as I was not-going-in-a-race, I wondered about myself. Why do I run? What are the depths of my running? It is hard to notice the depths of my being while I am paying attention to others; even if I am having fun serving, the silence of God gets lost. Listening to the silence, immersing my consciousness in quiet, and stilling my ego, are what fill me with peace and strengthen me.
When I am unhappy, it is because I have denied my ego some worldly accomplishment. Maybe the practice of denying the ego comes from my monastic years; it is not part of A Course in Miracles (exactly). But what seems joyful to most people seems like ego feeding to me; and I deny myself those worldly pleasures. I don’t think of worldly pleasures as sin, but as distractions from God because they let the ego’s noise supersede God’s quiet.
I have been a runner over 30 years. I ran in a skirt while I was a nun. Yes, I’ve been in many races; but logged 999 times more hours just running. When I heard about what happened to people at the extremes of endurance, I heard about a state of mind I wanted. So I entered ultra-marathons. But I know, I’ve been working at endurance as my pathway to my soul since I was 14 years old. So I now am learning to run the hours alone, without the venue of a race and its associated ego traps.
This morning I ran 10.8 miles on the flat path and 9 miles on the trail. I ran for 4h17 min.
I did get the feeling about endurance which I love. To me it is a feeling of eternity, like my mind opens up or expands for a moment. During these moments, I also get the feeling I touched some greater depth inside. This feeling is my lure for long distance. I think it is why people run 100 miles or 3,100 miles or whatever. We want to touch our deepest inner being and stay touched; but our bodies aren't really up to it and we have to stop.
What is the joy in the life of a solitary? I have never been able to accept that joy was really the temporary feeling of achievement in the world, or any of the entertainments people take part in. This morning, as I was not-going-in-a-race, I wondered about myself. Why do I run? What are the depths of my running? It is hard to notice the depths of my being while I am paying attention to others; even if I am having fun serving, the silence of God gets lost. Listening to the silence, immersing my consciousness in quiet, and stilling my ego, are what fill me with peace and strengthen me.
When I am unhappy, it is because I have denied my ego some worldly accomplishment. Maybe the practice of denying the ego comes from my monastic years; it is not part of A Course in Miracles (exactly). But what seems joyful to most people seems like ego feeding to me; and I deny myself those worldly pleasures. I don’t think of worldly pleasures as sin, but as distractions from God because they let the ego’s noise supersede God’s quiet.
I have been a runner over 30 years. I ran in a skirt while I was a nun. Yes, I’ve been in many races; but logged 999 times more hours just running. When I heard about what happened to people at the extremes of endurance, I heard about a state of mind I wanted. So I entered ultra-marathons. But I know, I’ve been working at endurance as my pathway to my soul since I was 14 years old. So I now am learning to run the hours alone, without the venue of a race and its associated ego traps.
This morning I ran 10.8 miles on the flat path and 9 miles on the trail. I ran for 4h17 min.
I did get the feeling about endurance which I love. To me it is a feeling of eternity, like my mind opens up or expands for a moment. During these moments, I also get the feeling I touched some greater depth inside. This feeling is my lure for long distance. I think it is why people run 100 miles or 3,100 miles or whatever. We want to touch our deepest inner being and stay touched; but our bodies aren't really up to it and we have to stop.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
My Life God's Life - The Contemplative Struggle
What do you care about? Anything important?
God is my life. I have no life but God’s. There is no "my life," only God.
Actually, if you think about it, there is no life anywhere that is not God’s.
In the evening, I like to shut my eyes and turn my mind to light and just lay there with it.
.
To run races or not? Ultra Monk sits still and listens. I listen to my ego's side and my soul's side. There is conflict and tension as I am no longer an unconscious primitive thinker just automatically participating in ordinary life.
Out running this morning, I had to admit that going in races no longer feeds my soul. In addition, while I remember the glory days when racing fed my ego, it doesn't do that very much any more either. I remember the good old days, but know I can't go back to them. Racing is like an old friend. We were tight once, but now our paths have diverged. We don't have that much in common, so we get together less.
When I went to the monastery, more than ten years ago, I was choosing contemplation as the thing I wanted out of life. One of the purposes of monasteries is to provide a living environment away from distractions where people can pursue contemplation without the scrutiny of the world. Since I don't live in a monastery, I have to create the contemplative space myself and be responsible for making the choices which maintain its integrity. Going to a race is counter-productive to contemplation.
Contemplation is still the thing I want out of life. Maintaining a contemplative life is difficult. I worry that people see it as stupid, boring and glum. I want to defend it with attractive stories about blissful union with God. But any monastic knows that contemplatives fight emotional battles, what used to be known as demons in the desert. Paying attention to God requires time, and it is not some wonderful rewarding activity. The purpose of contemplation is not selfish. Its purpose is merely the answering of a call to attend something other than ordinary life.
A satisfied soul is quiet. A satisfied soul is no different than the runner who asks nothing from the running.
God is my life. I have no life but God’s. There is no "my life," only God.
Actually, if you think about it, there is no life anywhere that is not God’s.
In the evening, I like to shut my eyes and turn my mind to light and just lay there with it.
.
To run races or not? Ultra Monk sits still and listens. I listen to my ego's side and my soul's side. There is conflict and tension as I am no longer an unconscious primitive thinker just automatically participating in ordinary life.
Out running this morning, I had to admit that going in races no longer feeds my soul. In addition, while I remember the glory days when racing fed my ego, it doesn't do that very much any more either. I remember the good old days, but know I can't go back to them. Racing is like an old friend. We were tight once, but now our paths have diverged. We don't have that much in common, so we get together less.
When I went to the monastery, more than ten years ago, I was choosing contemplation as the thing I wanted out of life. One of the purposes of monasteries is to provide a living environment away from distractions where people can pursue contemplation without the scrutiny of the world. Since I don't live in a monastery, I have to create the contemplative space myself and be responsible for making the choices which maintain its integrity. Going to a race is counter-productive to contemplation.
Contemplation is still the thing I want out of life. Maintaining a contemplative life is difficult. I worry that people see it as stupid, boring and glum. I want to defend it with attractive stories about blissful union with God. But any monastic knows that contemplatives fight emotional battles, what used to be known as demons in the desert. Paying attention to God requires time, and it is not some wonderful rewarding activity. The purpose of contemplation is not selfish. Its purpose is merely the answering of a call to attend something other than ordinary life.
A satisfied soul is quiet. A satisfied soul is no different than the runner who asks nothing from the running.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Lethargy in the Backwaters of Summer
“Ever since humanity was able to recognize a divine existence within themselves they have been trying to seek it out, and bring it forth from within. It is never easy to establish a constant inner oneness with this divinity, as so much of our outer nature tries to deny and negate even the very existence of this part of us that lies within. The very nature of our bodies and minds is to only to accept physical lethargy and try and ride the mental merry go round that really leads us nowhere.” http://perfectionjourney.org/2010/08/02/every-step-brings-me-closer/
The perfectionjourney blog is a daily reflection on the 3,100 mile race, which is winding down this week. Several men have finished. Two or three runners have been running every day, but not enough to get to 3,100 miles; maybe only 2,900 miles!
My workout was again disconnected from the world today. I spent the last couple of months looking forward to the Lunar Trek. Now that is over. I am signed up for some more races, but they aren’t very much on my mind. Maybe I haven’t recovered my energy. Maybe it is too hot to think. Maybe I have really shifted to a new reality and I don’t yet understand what it is about. Maybe my desire for inner oneness has claimed my running life, and running has disappeared over the horizon, beyond where the ego can perceive.
The daily volume keeps being driven higher. I keep working on the weights. My diet has shifted a bit. The increased protein has added a couple of pounds. I am silent. The noon-day devil circles, looking for an opening.
I ponder inner peace. I realize that keeping my hands off worldly goals and glorious plans is necessary for the contemplative life. The Holy Spirit must make the decisions. All things are for spiritual progress and not ego satisfaction. Peace is really quiet. Peace is and un-ripple pond. A person can work out in peace; but for me at least, as soon as there is an agenda, ego worry enters.
The contemplative life is a tricky thing. It must be wanted more than anything else; or the ego will sneak in and hide it. I must be willing to keep it consciously; no matter what else is going on in my life. I must be contemplating the Holy Spirit’s work in my life, not allowing ego agenda to creep in and take over unconsciously. It shouldn't be that God is so hard to remember; but for those of us with egos, remembering God must be a conscious project.
I lay on my bed in the evening and seek God. When I workout, I put a thought of God in my mind and keep it there.
The perfectionjourney blog is a daily reflection on the 3,100 mile race, which is winding down this week. Several men have finished. Two or three runners have been running every day, but not enough to get to 3,100 miles; maybe only 2,900 miles!
My workout was again disconnected from the world today. I spent the last couple of months looking forward to the Lunar Trek. Now that is over. I am signed up for some more races, but they aren’t very much on my mind. Maybe I haven’t recovered my energy. Maybe it is too hot to think. Maybe I have really shifted to a new reality and I don’t yet understand what it is about. Maybe my desire for inner oneness has claimed my running life, and running has disappeared over the horizon, beyond where the ego can perceive.
The daily volume keeps being driven higher. I keep working on the weights. My diet has shifted a bit. The increased protein has added a couple of pounds. I am silent. The noon-day devil circles, looking for an opening.
I ponder inner peace. I realize that keeping my hands off worldly goals and glorious plans is necessary for the contemplative life. The Holy Spirit must make the decisions. All things are for spiritual progress and not ego satisfaction. Peace is really quiet. Peace is and un-ripple pond. A person can work out in peace; but for me at least, as soon as there is an agenda, ego worry enters.
The contemplative life is a tricky thing. It must be wanted more than anything else; or the ego will sneak in and hide it. I must be willing to keep it consciously; no matter what else is going on in my life. I must be contemplating the Holy Spirit’s work in my life, not allowing ego agenda to creep in and take over unconsciously. It shouldn't be that God is so hard to remember; but for those of us with egos, remembering God must be a conscious project.
I lay on my bed in the evening and seek God. When I workout, I put a thought of God in my mind and keep it there.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Give Me Your Blessing Holy Son of God
Before I went to the monastery, I lived in the main stream of society. I wanted to join with my social group and be one of them. I sat around discussing others and expressing my opinion about this and that, eating whatever and watching TV, cheering for football teams.
Then I discovered contemplative prayer. I began to notice more consciously what exactly I was thinking and make decisions about it. I began to see social functions, entertainments and behaviors as distractions from the spiritual.
I went to the monastery. The cloister took me out of modern society and the main stream of life. The monastic formation provided additional education in contemplation, and time to sit and ponder my thoughts and emotions. The unconscious could no longer hide from me. Contemplative practice is a delving into the dark depths and they become conscious as light is shined on them. The more I did this, the less I was controlled by the unconscious.
I got out of the monastery with this one idea: Love is the predominant mode of existence. I continued my contemplative practice. I tried to re-join secular society. For awhile, it seemed that I was successful in re-joining and gaining an honored place among the people. Until I began to a) question the Church and the Bible, b) start additional health and alternative spiritual studies and c) moved to the country.
I became an outsider, once again outside the main stream of society yet not in a religious cloister, a non-religious solitary. I was free to look at society and ponder it apart from religion. I found my emotions to range from anger, fear, hatred, arrogance, annoyance, incomprehension and pity. I saw magnificent spirits behaving in disgusting and very small ways. I didn’t want to be so judgmental and opinionated, but that was how I was. I knew I was no better.
Then, I moved again. I now lived once again in the middle of my former society, even working at the same location as I did before the cloister. I can’t re-join society because I don’t agree with its norms.
Just this morning, I had this imagery of how I perceive at this point in time. It comes on the heels of my experience volunteering at an ultra-marathon. As an aid station volunteer, I enabled some humans to go through the transcendence experience to get beyond the merely normal runner and be ultra runners.
Namaste. I prostrate myself at your feet holy Son of God (all of us). I view society as a muddy swamp. Most of the people dance around the swamp, slinging mud at each other, laughing at each other, fighting, eating rotten fish, and slowly rotting in fetid waters. Yes, I have said what I think out loud. I am somehow on the side of the swamp as I quit participating in society. It is terrible of me to sit and look back. I don’t know exactly where else to go. I contemplate the swamp. I talk to God about my opinions. I wish I could have loving compassion without judgmental pity.
The only way I’ve found is to realize the swamp is an illusion. The swamp is not the holy Son of God, the truth of what God created, but my ego’s projected insanity. From this realization, once I accept it in my heart, it is possible for me to shift my perception and seeing from the dark swamp to the spiritual light beyond the swamp. I look beyond my ego’s mad illusion to the gently glowing spirit of the Son of God, innocent and loving as holy light. Believing the swamp I see with my body’s eyes is an illusion, I can consciously choose something different. I can switch to looking with my inner eyes and my spiritual mind. I divorce the ego and join my spirit. Thus, my reality is transformed. I see with the spirit that the Son of God is light and love; and live accordingly.
Love is the predominant mode of existence.
Peace.
Then I discovered contemplative prayer. I began to notice more consciously what exactly I was thinking and make decisions about it. I began to see social functions, entertainments and behaviors as distractions from the spiritual.
I went to the monastery. The cloister took me out of modern society and the main stream of life. The monastic formation provided additional education in contemplation, and time to sit and ponder my thoughts and emotions. The unconscious could no longer hide from me. Contemplative practice is a delving into the dark depths and they become conscious as light is shined on them. The more I did this, the less I was controlled by the unconscious.
I got out of the monastery with this one idea: Love is the predominant mode of existence. I continued my contemplative practice. I tried to re-join secular society. For awhile, it seemed that I was successful in re-joining and gaining an honored place among the people. Until I began to a) question the Church and the Bible, b) start additional health and alternative spiritual studies and c) moved to the country.
I became an outsider, once again outside the main stream of society yet not in a religious cloister, a non-religious solitary. I was free to look at society and ponder it apart from religion. I found my emotions to range from anger, fear, hatred, arrogance, annoyance, incomprehension and pity. I saw magnificent spirits behaving in disgusting and very small ways. I didn’t want to be so judgmental and opinionated, but that was how I was. I knew I was no better.
Then, I moved again. I now lived once again in the middle of my former society, even working at the same location as I did before the cloister. I can’t re-join society because I don’t agree with its norms.
Just this morning, I had this imagery of how I perceive at this point in time. It comes on the heels of my experience volunteering at an ultra-marathon. As an aid station volunteer, I enabled some humans to go through the transcendence experience to get beyond the merely normal runner and be ultra runners.
Namaste. I prostrate myself at your feet holy Son of God (all of us). I view society as a muddy swamp. Most of the people dance around the swamp, slinging mud at each other, laughing at each other, fighting, eating rotten fish, and slowly rotting in fetid waters. Yes, I have said what I think out loud. I am somehow on the side of the swamp as I quit participating in society. It is terrible of me to sit and look back. I don’t know exactly where else to go. I contemplate the swamp. I talk to God about my opinions. I wish I could have loving compassion without judgmental pity.
The only way I’ve found is to realize the swamp is an illusion. The swamp is not the holy Son of God, the truth of what God created, but my ego’s projected insanity. From this realization, once I accept it in my heart, it is possible for me to shift my perception and seeing from the dark swamp to the spiritual light beyond the swamp. I look beyond my ego’s mad illusion to the gently glowing spirit of the Son of God, innocent and loving as holy light. Believing the swamp I see with my body’s eyes is an illusion, I can consciously choose something different. I can switch to looking with my inner eyes and my spiritual mind. I divorce the ego and join my spirit. Thus, my reality is transformed. I see with the spirit that the Son of God is light and love; and live accordingly.
Love is the predominant mode of existence.
Peace.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Non-Performance Running
Running just to be.
Early in the morning, I arrive at the top of a certain hill. By the time I get there, I’ve worked out on machines for 45 minutes and then run 25 minutes. As I make my way down the other side, I feel the energy of fitness and I love it. I don’t live on the same page as most people, let alone most 50 something women. I know there are other women in this town who quietly go about the business of being an athlete, being extraordinary in the midst of the ordinary. I like that idea.
What called me to spend 2 or so hours each weekday on exercise; or 5 hours each weekend day? My mind is very quiet and I am not on a quest and I have no goals. Yet I’ve been working out like a fiend lately; and want to only do that. I have been feeling the limits of the endeavor as I build fitness. I have the desire for endlessness which comes from the extremely long workout, the endless workout.
All my life there has been something pulling at my heart strings. It is not endless running exactly. It is what is behind the running; the place where my mind goes during a workout.
What called me to run also called me to contemplation. Spirituality precedes any potential supportive role that exercise might have on the consciousness of God. I love the spiritual program of contemplation and action I have found. With the help of the Holy Spirit, one can perceive a world peopled only with holiness and embraced by a loving peace.
Swell! Sweet! Cool!
Early in the morning, I arrive at the top of a certain hill. By the time I get there, I’ve worked out on machines for 45 minutes and then run 25 minutes. As I make my way down the other side, I feel the energy of fitness and I love it. I don’t live on the same page as most people, let alone most 50 something women. I know there are other women in this town who quietly go about the business of being an athlete, being extraordinary in the midst of the ordinary. I like that idea.
What called me to spend 2 or so hours each weekday on exercise; or 5 hours each weekend day? My mind is very quiet and I am not on a quest and I have no goals. Yet I’ve been working out like a fiend lately; and want to only do that. I have been feeling the limits of the endeavor as I build fitness. I have the desire for endlessness which comes from the extremely long workout, the endless workout.
All my life there has been something pulling at my heart strings. It is not endless running exactly. It is what is behind the running; the place where my mind goes during a workout.
What called me to run also called me to contemplation. Spirituality precedes any potential supportive role that exercise might have on the consciousness of God. I love the spiritual program of contemplation and action I have found. With the help of the Holy Spirit, one can perceive a world peopled only with holiness and embraced by a loving peace.
Swell! Sweet! Cool!
Friday, June 18, 2010
Transcendental Inspiration
From http://perfectionjourney.org/2010/06/13/the-hour-has-come/
"Something happens here that cannot be measured or marked or photographed or questioned or reasoned with in any way. There are days in which you could be standing right beside it and be blind to it. On other days you could be on the far side of the world and yet still feel the inner thrill of what is taking place here and be as much a part of it as if you were entered in the race as well.
The 3100 is not for the masses. It is just for those who believe that life is not just about muscle and mind. It speaks clearly to those who believe in the unlimited capacity of heart and spirit and who believe that Self-Transcendence is not just for 11 brave runners. Self-Transcendence is the inevitable destiny of us all."
Heard about the 3,100 Mile Self Transcendence Race? It is a race where runners run around a 0.5 mile block in NYC for 16 hours a day daily, until they complete 3,100 miles. This year, 11 runners are entered in the event.
This event is what has inspired my ultra running career. It is the running equivalent of a zen practitioner spending a year meditating alone in a room. As the man alone in a room inspired my pursuit of contemplation, the 3,100 mile race inspired my contemplative running.
Truth is, most of my long runs are done in this very boring fashion: either around a 2.7 mile loop or back and forth on a 3.7 mile levy. My 80 mile run was at an event conducted on a 1 mile loop. In October, I plan to do it again at 24 The Hard Way.
I am mainly a no adventure runner. I'm running for hours in order to speak to my God. I get a brief taste every morning. Every morning, here is my typical schedule:
- Get up at 3:30 am
- Spend an hour studying and meditating on A Course in Miracles Text.
- Work out on machines and/or go running in the dark. While running, keep mind on the daily lesson from ACIM.
- Shower and get to work about 7. Stay at work until 4:30 (more or less).
- Drive home, eat and nap briefly.
- 7 pm, contemplative core, or meditative dumbells.
- Another 30 minutes or so of reflecting on the ACIM daily lesson, and silent meditation.
- Go to sleep.
- On the weekend, instead of going to work, I run laps and sleep more.
That's my life, a daily attempt to stay connected to The Presence.
It takes time and intention to stay connected. You have to want it more than anything else, or you won't stop and listen to that which is beyond human hearing or see that with shines quietly from beyond the illusion of this world.
"Something happens here that cannot be measured or marked or photographed or questioned or reasoned with in any way. There are days in which you could be standing right beside it and be blind to it. On other days you could be on the far side of the world and yet still feel the inner thrill of what is taking place here and be as much a part of it as if you were entered in the race as well.
The 3100 is not for the masses. It is just for those who believe that life is not just about muscle and mind. It speaks clearly to those who believe in the unlimited capacity of heart and spirit and who believe that Self-Transcendence is not just for 11 brave runners. Self-Transcendence is the inevitable destiny of us all."
Heard about the 3,100 Mile Self Transcendence Race? It is a race where runners run around a 0.5 mile block in NYC for 16 hours a day daily, until they complete 3,100 miles. This year, 11 runners are entered in the event.
This event is what has inspired my ultra running career. It is the running equivalent of a zen practitioner spending a year meditating alone in a room. As the man alone in a room inspired my pursuit of contemplation, the 3,100 mile race inspired my contemplative running.
Truth is, most of my long runs are done in this very boring fashion: either around a 2.7 mile loop or back and forth on a 3.7 mile levy. My 80 mile run was at an event conducted on a 1 mile loop. In October, I plan to do it again at 24 The Hard Way.
I am mainly a no adventure runner. I'm running for hours in order to speak to my God. I get a brief taste every morning. Every morning, here is my typical schedule:
- Get up at 3:30 am
- Spend an hour studying and meditating on A Course in Miracles Text.
- Work out on machines and/or go running in the dark. While running, keep mind on the daily lesson from ACIM.
- Shower and get to work about 7. Stay at work until 4:30 (more or less).
- Drive home, eat and nap briefly.
- 7 pm, contemplative core, or meditative dumbells.
- Another 30 minutes or so of reflecting on the ACIM daily lesson, and silent meditation.
- Go to sleep.
- On the weekend, instead of going to work, I run laps and sleep more.
That's my life, a daily attempt to stay connected to The Presence.
It takes time and intention to stay connected. You have to want it more than anything else, or you won't stop and listen to that which is beyond human hearing or see that with shines quietly from beyond the illusion of this world.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
A Season of Contemplation - Silence
Today is a day of silence. It is a silence which I have placed before motion, a pre-monition. I decided to take 2 days off running because I have signed up for a marathon race on Saturday. When I signed up, I thought I'd do the race as a long run with chip timing. But the weather is perfect. Do you know how rare a perfect day is? So, I decided to rest up and let a few nagging pains subside. That way, if I feel like "racing" I can do so without fear of injury.
So, I had extra time for spirituality this morning. I find, after 2 1/2 years of study of a Course in Miracles that I am getting good at denying my ego's voice and listening to the Voice for God. In the denial of the ego voice, I find a great deal of inner peace, which is silent.
This morning, in the ACIM test (ch 10) I read this: "The miracle is the act of a Son of God who has laid aside all false gods, and calls on his brothers to do likewise. It is an act of faith, because it is the recognition that his brother can do it. It is a call to the Holy Spirit in his mind, a call that is strengthened by joining. Because the miracle worker has heard God’s Voice, he strengthens It in a sick brother by weakening his belief in sickness, which he does not share. The power of one mind can shine into another, because all the lamps of God were lit by the same spark. It is everywhere and it is eternal."
I liked it because in my skill at denying my ego's voice, I am letting go of idols and unifying with God. This leads in to my meditation on silence for which I started this blog:
Silence is truth because it is peace, nothing else. Silence is more real than this world. There are no idols in silence. Silence is allowing the balls to drop, allowing the illusions to fade. In silence, I drop my games and idols and projections; and step into the Silent Presence, Eternity, Love Alone, nothing else.
I no longer hate the people who have better, more successful idols than me. I contemplate: part of my brain (ego) interprets silence as failure rather than succeess. Part of my brain wants idols and fears silence. Without the hate, I see people as sparks of light, not as bodies doing things I don't like. What freedom to be able to immediately dismiss any ego opinions of others and just see light.
My value system is adjusting. I value the spiritual more than the material. I am willing to see my grievances as things my ego cherishes but which I am willing to give up. Now that is awesome. Yes, my grievances are not true. I only think they are true if I want them more than God. I get to choose whether to see others as enemies or friends; that is the gift of spiritual work and time in silence.
So, I had extra time for spirituality this morning. I find, after 2 1/2 years of study of a Course in Miracles that I am getting good at denying my ego's voice and listening to the Voice for God. In the denial of the ego voice, I find a great deal of inner peace, which is silent.
This morning, in the ACIM test (ch 10) I read this: "The miracle is the act of a Son of God who has laid aside all false gods, and calls on his brothers to do likewise. It is an act of faith, because it is the recognition that his brother can do it. It is a call to the Holy Spirit in his mind, a call that is strengthened by joining. Because the miracle worker has heard God’s Voice, he strengthens It in a sick brother by weakening his belief in sickness, which he does not share. The power of one mind can shine into another, because all the lamps of God were lit by the same spark. It is everywhere and it is eternal."
I liked it because in my skill at denying my ego's voice, I am letting go of idols and unifying with God. This leads in to my meditation on silence for which I started this blog:
Silence is truth because it is peace, nothing else. Silence is more real than this world. There are no idols in silence. Silence is allowing the balls to drop, allowing the illusions to fade. In silence, I drop my games and idols and projections; and step into the Silent Presence, Eternity, Love Alone, nothing else.
I no longer hate the people who have better, more successful idols than me. I contemplate: part of my brain (ego) interprets silence as failure rather than succeess. Part of my brain wants idols and fears silence. Without the hate, I see people as sparks of light, not as bodies doing things I don't like. What freedom to be able to immediately dismiss any ego opinions of others and just see light.
My value system is adjusting. I value the spiritual more than the material. I am willing to see my grievances as things my ego cherishes but which I am willing to give up. Now that is awesome. Yes, my grievances are not true. I only think they are true if I want them more than God. I get to choose whether to see others as enemies or friends; that is the gift of spiritual work and time in silence.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Communication
This morning, reading the Course in Miracles text, I came across this:
(voice of Jesus) "God created every mind by communicating His Mind to it, thus establishing it forever as a channel for the reception of His Mind and Will...God created you by this and for this...the mind cannot totally lose the ability to communicate even though it may refuse to utilize it on behalf of being" (4.VII.3).
This is an excellent passage to discuss meditating on scripture. If you are reading the text slowly and attentively, trying to continuously be awake and touched, a passage like this causes one to immediately pause. I need to stop reading and give this one some space and time. I need to comprehend the implications of what it says. My mind has been forever established as a channel for communication with God. Wow!!! This is it. This is the thing I was wanting when I started this spiritual journey decades ago.
After giving the passage a place of prominance on the altar in my mind (ie placed the Presence of God before my inner eyes); I hunker down, silence my own thoughts and gaze on the Presence. As I sit quietly, the communication occurs. It is abstract. My ego consciousness has no idea what happened. The results are not of this world. It is the peace which passes understanding.
And so, it is now possible for me to go outside and run back and forth for 20 or so miles. I go with and in communication, being the channel, receiving His Mind and establishing His Being. I am not really a runner, just a mind in awareness of Being.
(voice of Jesus) "God created every mind by communicating His Mind to it, thus establishing it forever as a channel for the reception of His Mind and Will...God created you by this and for this...the mind cannot totally lose the ability to communicate even though it may refuse to utilize it on behalf of being" (4.VII.3).
This is an excellent passage to discuss meditating on scripture. If you are reading the text slowly and attentively, trying to continuously be awake and touched, a passage like this causes one to immediately pause. I need to stop reading and give this one some space and time. I need to comprehend the implications of what it says. My mind has been forever established as a channel for communication with God. Wow!!! This is it. This is the thing I was wanting when I started this spiritual journey decades ago.
After giving the passage a place of prominance on the altar in my mind (ie placed the Presence of God before my inner eyes); I hunker down, silence my own thoughts and gaze on the Presence. As I sit quietly, the communication occurs. It is abstract. My ego consciousness has no idea what happened. The results are not of this world. It is the peace which passes understanding.
And so, it is now possible for me to go outside and run back and forth for 20 or so miles. I go with and in communication, being the channel, receiving His Mind and establishing His Being. I am not really a runner, just a mind in awareness of Being.
Friday, February 12, 2010
What for?
In so far as anything is a contemplation of my soul, an entry into the inner spiritual reality which exists for everyone, then that thing is worth doing and being.
Running very much an example of the choice; either for magnificence or for littleness. Magnificence is the manifestation of spirit. Littleness is the pursuit of ego grandiosity. If I run a marathon in order to qualify for Boston, so I can brag about my BQ, then I have merely built up my ego and become little. If I run a marathon simply, just because I am, then I have joined my Creator in an expression of truth and I became solely spirit; magnificence.
The world appears meaningless and little. People shopping for trinkets and baubles with which to adorn themselves. People killing themselves with food and smoke. People vegetating their minds by parking them in front of TVs. I dis-entangled myself from this because I couldn't stand it for myself.
Even monastics participate in littleness. The resources of the monastic environment are squandered on religion and individual spiritual pursuit is annihilated. Monastic habits and emblems are more a badge of differentiation than quiet humility.
I ran 7 miles on the hills this morning. I contemplate my soul. I feel the rub of society. Tomorrow will probably be another one of those 20 miles runs. I run around or back and forth; but not to anywhere. I am not training for anything. I run just to run. In the darkness and the winter chill, I enter my inner being and touch my soul.
Running very much an example of the choice; either for magnificence or for littleness. Magnificence is the manifestation of spirit. Littleness is the pursuit of ego grandiosity. If I run a marathon in order to qualify for Boston, so I can brag about my BQ, then I have merely built up my ego and become little. If I run a marathon simply, just because I am, then I have joined my Creator in an expression of truth and I became solely spirit; magnificence.
The world appears meaningless and little. People shopping for trinkets and baubles with which to adorn themselves. People killing themselves with food and smoke. People vegetating their minds by parking them in front of TVs. I dis-entangled myself from this because I couldn't stand it for myself.
Even monastics participate in littleness. The resources of the monastic environment are squandered on religion and individual spiritual pursuit is annihilated. Monastic habits and emblems are more a badge of differentiation than quiet humility.
I ran 7 miles on the hills this morning. I contemplate my soul. I feel the rub of society. Tomorrow will probably be another one of those 20 miles runs. I run around or back and forth; but not to anywhere. I am not training for anything. I run just to run. In the darkness and the winter chill, I enter my inner being and touch my soul.
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