The Importance of Self Importance

Somewhere along the line, I became an expert at what I do. Then I noticed than while what I do is important to the company, it is very boring for me to do. The more expert I became, the more boring and administrative my job became. I began to sit in meetings and listen to people talk about how important and serious and difficult the job was, knowing all along it was stupid and easy. This so called important job was merely checking a box for the company.

My non-expert colleagues continued to need me to answer silly simple questions, write down how to do everything and check their work. And they became annoyed when I explained that this job was basically just filling out an extremely long form and there was really no special concern involved. Just learn the rules and follow them blindly. You'll be fine. Unfortunately most people can't learn the rules or don't understand what they mean.

Upon losing my sense of importance, I also lost my mojo. Then I noticed that there is no reward for expertise in our company. The experts are pigeon holed, and promotions and pay raises end. Time after time I was pushed back into my box.

I began to look at my bank account and ask myself how much money I really needed to live out the rest of my life. I looked seriously at OBama Care to find out how a precious subsidy could be obtained.

I meditated and listened to my inner self, hoping for the answer to my question of what I should do. One day, during my spiritual study session, the answer / idea came: THIS is what I want to do with my life. I immediately began to work on that idea for a little while every day. Nine months later, my bank account somehow tripped across the line. I saw that funding was available to down size my living space and go to work full time on my ideas.

If I was still gaining ego pleasure for my status as expert, and still felt important in my work, I'd never leave here. My ego would continue to thrive on self importance. But that didn't happen. I just can't keep up the show. I need to go do something that matters to me which is not just ego dressing. Even if it means spending my savings instead of adding to my savings.

Some people are like that you know. They want to do more with their lives than collect money while bored. We are just too smart for the world.

Something - A Poem

Every day of my life
I wake up and wonder
Will something happen today?
Sometimes something happens
But then that something is over, gone
That something was really nothing.
And then I hope for another something.
Something else.
Something more.
To cease the search for something
Is to sit with nothing.
Nothing was really something all along.