Tuesday, April 30, 2013

May Flowers Marathon Party - Prelude

But first, here is April:


This weekend is my first trip to San Antonio and my first double marathon. I am 54 and I'll be wearing bib 54. This will be a small event with various distances from 10k to 48 hours. I already know several people. And there is a Panera near my hotel: my favorite place to eat. This morning, I went for a jog in my new Nimbus 15. I'll call them dreamliners they felt so good.

Here is a picture of the park.



Its Not About Food

Move on people. Quit your food centered reality. It is killing you.

Seek something higher or deeper or .....

Being. Just being. Not even A Being; but beingness.

Fundamental.

Let go and be.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Endless Spirit

It is early Monday morning. I got up at 3:30 and did my spiritual study. I am confused by the Course in Miracles. From Chapter 6: "To have, give all to all." But it adds, you need not understand but merely turn in that direction.

I will mount my elliptical this morning and meditate on this statement. Surely sometime today, I will have an experience which will explain it.

Take up your hachimaki and walk is another phrase that goes through my mind. My hachimaki is my warrior spirit. Not that I will fight anybody, but that I will rise out of my ego self and be my spirit self. And this also is part of the elliptical meditation.

I am waiting for the corporation. I am in limbo with my job. Of course this makes it easy for my ego to attack me and make me afraid. I'll only survive by relying on spirit. Fear is of the ego. Spiritual practice is all I can do.

Phrase for today: To have, give all to all. You are merely asked to turn that way.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Awards

A meditation on brain programming.

Would you suffer physical pain running beyond your body's ability in order to get one of these? Would you cheat to get it? Would you spend money out the wazoo to get it?



Of course you would. It is a cheap piece of plastic. But your brain doesn't know that and will nag at you until you do it. You will make up lofty reasons for why you did it, strengths of character, spiritual value, love, determination, courage, etc.

Bullshit.

Without the shiny gold medallion, you wouldn't do it. This is the ultimate participation in the dopamine reward cycle. We want to be a hero and we want everyone to admire us.

The only way to be true to yourself is to do it without the notoriety, the rewards, the conversations. Jesus walked through pain knowing it meant nothing. This is the path to eternal life: realize that this world means nothing. Go into your secret room and do your miles there. Self transcendence has to be done in private or else it is just the dopamine self all over again.

Give it up.

I prayed this morning for an enemy. After that, I feel good. "I pray for M. I pray for his health, prosperity and happiness. I pray that everything I want for myself be given to him."

Saturday, April 27, 2013

More Miles

If you want to do endless miles, then just go do it. Today I did make it out of bed at a reasonable 6:30 and started walking at 7:50. I had no goal really. I just filled my hydro-pak with water and started walking in Meador Park.

I went 17 miles. When to stop?

The idea of miles is positively addicting for me.

I had 2 phrases from A Course in Miracles Chapter 6 in my mind: Alignment with light is unlimited. Allow no darkness in my mind. Over and over, realizing when I was thinking darkness and limits.

After about 3 hours, I had an enlightening moment. See, my mind had been roaming around the United States thinking of long distance races I want to do. Or just thinking of multi-days. Or thinking of how hard it is to do the miles without any sort of race or reward; just do the miles, write it in your book and go on. My left foot was slowly but surely getting sore.

Then after one of my phrase repetitions, it hit me: my mind IS unlimited!! That is IT! Yes, a crucial part of ACIM learned: I am not a body I am free. I am still as God created me. I get to choose all my thoughts. Nothing I see means anything. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....the little runner who could.

Friday, April 26, 2013

Obesity 4th Step / 10th Step

I had a pleasant 5 mile jog in El Lago again this morning. I wish I could do miles and miles without pain every day. The Sri Chinmoy 10 day race in Flushing Meadow is going on right now. I totally wish I could be there. My second best is to go to San Antonio next weekend and do marathons.

I am not obese, or fat. But I am a woman of a certain age, as well as an American in a food filled environment, so weight control is an issue for me. Maintaining at a comfortable level does require work. So I read some blogs written by obesity experts. Below is a like to a blog which has a series "The Road to Obesity."
http://www.drsharma.ca/roads-to-obesity-emotions.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+AryaSharma+%28Arya+M.+Sharma%2C+MD%29


When I was reading it this morning, I connected the reasons for obesity with the moral inventories I learned about in my Twelve Step Program. I realized that Dr Sharma has listed (so far) 4 items which could be inventories frequently in order to better put the food down:
  1. Life Events
  2. Gradual Processes
  3. Socioeconomic Factors
  4. Emotions
So, one could look at these each day and see which ones came into play today, get it down on paper, turn it over to a Higher Power.

And then: I'd go for a run. Nothing like a few miles to fix everything.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

No More Awesome

Really, such an over used word. I'm going to stop it. Seriously. I'm sick of awesome.

In July of 2011, I wrote this:

I run because I have nothing else to do. This is intentional. I have designed my life for maximum running.

That I would decide to have nothing else scares many people. Or, it causes judgement. The decision is very different from people who run for exercise or run for speed and awards and accomplishment. I do get these, but I run without them anyway.

I was a runner when I was a nun; without a chance in hell of going in a race.

This morning, I woke up at 3:10, my usual time and got out of bed. I did my usual spiritual study and hit the roads by 4:15. I slow jogged for 5.5 hours. It was all completely uneventful. Nothing to see. No points of interests. Just me and my sweat, slow jogging, hills and ever increasing heat. Nothing good can possibly come of this. But I really want to go out again tomorrow. We'll see if sleep wins.

Now, April 2013, nothing much has changed about me. I've been pretty much like this for most of my life. I still get up that early. I still run as long as I can on any given day. This morning I had a wonderful little jaunt in El Lago.

I was thinking about self transcendence and my Course in Miracles quest. This quest will be carried out. Even with a job change looming over my head. I see that the quest will continue.

I'm excited about next weekend. If all goes well, it will be my first double marathon; a multi-day of sorts. I can do 26 miles without any problem with my toe nails. But if I do 50 miles, I'm sure to lose a couple even with taping. I'm hoping to become capable of a daily 26 miles.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

I Live in Texas

And I guess that is that.

This morning, I was massaging some "Penetrex" into my left heel. I was able to press hard and not feel pain. So awesome to feel good 2 days after a hard weekend. I also went for a pleasant run in El Lago this morning.

I can't describe how amazing it is to work out twice a day, lift weights, jog, etc. It is totally awesome. I just read in a blog that exercise is addictive. Well I guess so!

So why do I bring up "I Live in Texas?" I tried to escape. But I found out that I'll be staying just traveling more. I've been pursuing an opening in a technical branch of our company and I think I got it. Lunch tomorrow with new potential manager.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Reverse Goofy #6 for 2013

Today was fantastic. I fell into a power walk and then sprint pattern. It went really well; almost better than speed walking all the time. Shoes were the Mizunos and they were very comfortable.

For the week: 64 miles and 23+ total hours with 5 strength workouts. I will do some strength later and maybe a little elliptical or something.

Saturday, April 20, 2013

For No Good Reason....

....I jog walked 26.25 miles today. I saw a green frog and thousands of baby crabs. I saw the 2 old people I always see. I passed a man several times who appeared to be doing the same thing I was doing.

But the real deal was the mental. It took about 15 miles for me to remember transcendence. I'm not out there doing miles for training. I don't need to think about work or Boston or various resentments I have. I let go and tried to just do miles and I switched my mind to spirit mode.

Around 20 miles I began to struggle. Now my left foot hurts. It is getting warm. How much is enough? When should I stop? I need a mind that can hang in there; maintaining forward motion at whatever speed. As I passed my car at 22.5 miles, I kept going. Just do'in it. I looped around at the far end of the course so that the next time I got to the car, I'd be done.

I have no agenda as a runner. I'm not in solidarity with anyone. I'm not charitable.

I am spirit. Grace means most to me. And so, I turn my work issue over to God and let the outcome be what it is.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Inner Miles

From Uptal's blog:


"With each new lap and as the many hours tumble past, each who one runs here, find themselves drawn ever more deeply within themselves.  Into parts of their being that most of us are often quietly aware and yet most of us never seem to rarely find the time or inclination to explore there.  Even though this part of us has been constantly beckoning us.

It is within this unmeasurable inner journey that they also feel an  expansion of their subtle dimensions.  For it is after all a pilgrimage here.  To a place where the travelers journey, way beyond the very limited world that their eyes see and their feet can carry them.   A place of self transcendence in which the goal is to explore and gather new strength and purpose from the uncharted regions within themselves."
http://perfectionjourney.org/2013/04/18/april-18-we-are-in-it-together/

Something like this is what I seek in the endless miles and solitude which I create in my life. To me, it is God. I find it in the miles. I find it in the sitting quietly.

Today, I slept really late. And then attended an on-line staff meeting. They are re-organizing. I knew right away that I wanted to go into the new group. But first, I went for an 8 mile run in the park. My shoes felt awesomely good. Coming home, the e-mail went to my Lead.

Why did I volunteer? I guess I'm a rolling stone. To stay in one place is to die (of boredom at least).

This evening, I did my weight lifting and then 40 minutes of Versa Climber and Nordic Track. With the 8 miles, that makes for an easy day. I'm not "training" for anything and enjoying no pressure.

Tomorrow, I'll try again to find God in the inner miles.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Self Transcendance

Today, in Flushing Meadows, 38 runners began a 10 day Self Transcendence race (Sri Chinmoy). There will also be a 6 day. And later this summer there is the 3,100 Mile Self Transcendence Race.

It is for the sake of these races that I became interested in ultra-marathons. I wanted to do miles and miles for hours and days. I have no interest in the challenge of a trail. I have interest in the meditation which occurs when you are just doing miles and time; nothing else.

It is an opportunity to draw into your soul; and then come out into an environment where other runners have done the same thing. You might chat a bit as someone passes you; but then you return to your cocoon and ponder your walking.

I can't go as far as I wish. But I still do the practice every day. Some days I can hardly walk, but as I slowly let things limber up, I become fine.

Care to follow the 10 day race? Uptal has a neat blog:
http://perfectionjourney.org/2013/04/18/april-17-an-oasis-of-hope/

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Silencio

This weekend is my first 9/80 Friday off. I was going to zip off across Texas and go in a race or two. But that plan got foiled. Also, my boss called a meeting. He is letting me attend online, but I decided not to push the issue any further than that.

This has caused me to re-evaluate my weekend plans. Maybe it will be full of silent miles. I somewhat love El Lago in a misty warm pre-dawn morning. I'll also go to Meador park. The weather will be beautiful. Mostly, the Seabrook trail looks like this:


I made my decision in silence. I asked with a thought what I should do. Soon, I heard Silencio.

It think it is right. Since "Boston" people at work (the only ones I see), have asked me about Boston. Today I explained in a more intimate conversation with one guy that I am just a runner. Just a simple runner, no agenda attached.

So many people are saying they now want to go to Boston. Now there is a world peace running agenda. Now there is a help Boston victims charity agenda. Now there is a defiance, a finger in your face attitude. I don't want to be a part of that.

So my miles will be quiet, solitary. When I am home, the radio will be off. I might fast on nutritious liquids while I think.

I need to think. I need to connect with the Universe. I need to lift weights, spiritual as well as physical.

Today was the first time I saw my boss since he returned from surgery. He talked about going for his walk. That is different. I found out that I was the only one that earned a 3 score in our department during the turn around (3 is highest). Some recognition will follow. Funny how I consider myself a slacker and not in the view of my superiors.

I don't live in  a post-Boston reality. Soon, my colleagues will forget about it and quit asking me. I suppose Annabelle will want to tell me her story since she finished the race just a couple of minutes before the blast. But otherwise, I need to be under cover. I need to be doing sit-ups and riding my elliptic while I think.

Columbine was huge for me. I was in the monastery when an unknown man shoot several monks in the abbey next door.

I need to sink my mind into A Course in Miracles and leave it there.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Riding the Wave


I caught the running wave right at it's beginning. I was 13 years old. I've ridden the wave for 41 years. I plan to ride it all the way to the beach. And die there I suppose.

Today I got up at 3:19 as usual and completed my spiritual study. Then I did my exercise which included a short 30 min run. It was nearly 80F and humid; typical summer Houston. Then I went to work.

Immediately, as soon as I got there I was confronted by 2 colleagues asking about Boston. I guess I can't avoid talking about Boston just like everyone else. I'm a marathoner. No way around it.

I ran my first marathon when I was 19. My mother was proud of me, but she never said that to me directly. I heard it from her friends.

I ran when I was a nun, but I don't think that fit very well with the other sisters who were mainly old and completely sedentary.

For awhile I was an ultra-marathoner. But I have recently given that up as too painful. I like marathons. Just long enough but not too long.

I am a Marathon Maniac.

Today I was wearing the marathon shirt I got at a marathon in Corpus Christi a few weeks ago. I really like it. I had fun at that marathon. I was riding around the plant on my golf cart, going from meeting to meeting. I had to admit I love being a marathoner.

I've qualified for Boston twice (2009 and 2010), but not signed up.The experience would only piss me off. I'd also hate myself for bragging about it because it is something most people admire. I would be unable to not brag. It would slip out. I'd accept the rewards.

In terms of bombs. I think all sensational violence is the same category. Bombing the Boston marathon is the same as Oklahoma City and far smaller than 9/11. Bombing the Boston marathon is the same as hurricane Sandy taking out New York marathon. I've heard the same sensational stories. We like sensational stuff to happen. We live vicariously through it. We thirst for all the nitty gritty gory stories.

I don't have any prayers for anybody since I don't pray in that manner. I'm not running in honor of anybody. I run for myself and that is it.

I bought 2 pairs of new running shoes today. I had a 20% off coupon. I had a happy day.

My first double marathon is in 2 weeks. Can't wait.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Really Good Day

Last night, after living with the reality of "not going 50k" and a very insightful AA meeting, I was meditating on my bed as a last thing before going to sleep. I had the thought: If I had finished the race, my ego would have won.

Then I slept really good and really long, not getting up til 7:30.

Then I came down and was studying chapter 4 of ACIM, "The Illusions of the Ego." The ego defined in ACIM is not the same as the one Freud or other psychologists define. It is merely a part of my belief system. In the text, it is defined numerous ways. The one I read this morning said, "The ego and the spirit do not know each other. The separated mind cannot maintain the separation except by dissociating. Having done this, it denies all truly natural impulses, not because the ego is a separate thing, but because you want to believe that you are. The ego is a device for maintaining this belief, but it is still only your decision to use the device that enables it to endure."

And then further down it says, "You are asked to live so as to demonstrate that you are not an ego..."

OMG! Yesterday was Mission Accomplished. Bingo!

Then, I put on the Mizunos. They felt really good so I decided to go to Meador Park and walk. I was able to painlessly do my 4.2 mph jog/walk with not problem and finished 18 miles.

For today's miles, I practiced a mantra in time with my footsteps: You are asked to live....so as to demonstrate....that you are not an ego....again. The miles became a meditation.

This gave me time to realize lessons learned. My left heel is a mess and no surgeon can fix it. But if I treat it gently, I can go for miles and miles. I can cover 50 miles in 12 hours if I want. I can do a marathon in 6 or so hours each and every day. But the trail yesterday, with its roots and little up and downs, was killing my achilles.

I would also like to add, of the hundreds of race reports of ultra runners which I've read, the non-elite 100 mile finisher spends between 30 and 50 miles in miserable pain. That is why I don't do it. Misery is of the ego. Joy is of the spirit.

So today went really really well. I came home and got the bicep lifts and core done. I amy do a little elliptical later. Additional Succeed Clip2 is ordered for my next debacle: my first double marathon in 3 weeks.

This week: 18 hours, 45 miles and 5 strength sessions.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Free Will

Today was yet another attempt to practice anti-socialization, anti-dopamine reward cycle, ongoing attempt to break out of a society affected behavioral prison. Downward mobility in action.

Either I had a nice 16 mile trail run in a forest which I get to write in my log; and which I sensibly stopped when it seemed like I was damaging my left achilles. Good girl.

Or I am a failure because it was a 50k race which I didn't finish. The volunteers were disappointed and I have no medal to hang on my wall. Bad girl.

I came home and showered and laid on the bed. I decided not to make up a story about whether I was in enough pain to justify quitting. I decided just to feel my brain struggle to make excuses so I wouldn't get in trouble. With who? The Mommy and Daddy who live in my head.

After a nap, I picked up my neurophilosophy book "Brain Wise" and began to read. I read that most of us don't really have control over the choices and behaviors we exhibit. In fact, it takes an incredible act of self will to quit a race. In the ultra marathon economy, people keep going despite severe pain. Quitting as I did today is completely against the rules. Quitting goes against the ultra marathon tribe. Quitting makes visible the illusion: pushing thru the pain is good.

I know this because, now, several hours later, I'd say that there's nothing wrong with me a little NSAID won't fix. I'll be out there doing miles tomorrow. In my personal, non-dopamine reward economy, doing miles tomorrow takes priority over pleasing society today.

I'll hang my number (a white piece of tyvek with a 5 printed on it, nothing else) on the wall with the other medals and count it a neurophilosophical victory.

Fighting to have free will, I also made choices at work this week which didn't please Mommy or Daddy. One was I intentionally avoided kissing up to a high level manager. Another was I asked to start working a 9/80  schedule and take every other Friday off. My boss (Daddy) miraculously approved the request but did grumble some. See, most of our department works many hours every week but don't take the Friday off. Other departments, everyone is taking the Friday off, engineers and mid-level managers included. So I decided to join that group.

It is perhaps a change of life struggle, but I must go through it. I insist on being who I really am before I die.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Hog's Hunt Prelude - Friday AM

To start, here is a beautiful picture from some place in Colorado stolen from Journey to Badwater blog,


I just cancelled the hotel reservation I had for some roadside inn near Huntsville. I did this because I wanted to relax at home and in my own bed tonight. I thought I would hate being in some degraded cheap hotel room. And I can make green smoothies this evening to have something for after the race tomorrow.

But here is the surprise. As I clicked cancel, I realized that I made that reservation in the first place because I think I am getting too old to get up and 2:45 am, drive 100 miles and run 31 miles.

But thinking I am old, and acting that way is the key revelation here. If I start that now, I'm sunk. Yes, some crummy issues are going on in my body; but I could see these differently. I don't have to add "old age" as the hidden issue behind all my decisions.

A Course in Miracles chapter 4: "Let the Holy One shine on you in peace, knowing this and only this must be."

Now, I'm going to do an easy workout. Then go to work. I just donned my hachi maki, which says "Spirit Warrior" in Japanese (fighting spirit in picture). Now I feel strong, decisive, ready.


Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Unshakeable

HIS unshakeable being to be exact. I ran across those words in ACIM text this morning. Somehow, I thought, "The only way to keep my life from being a shambles is to join a Higher Power, The Substrate, Unshakeable Being."

So, I:
1. open my thoughts to this Self.
2. surrender to this Self.
3. look beyond (ACIM forgiveness).

Well, I am writing this blog right now as I find myself totally entheusiastic about my race this weekend. That is because my heel does not hurt right now. Gahhh! When I feel good, I dream so much. Wow, I can hardly wait: 50k in a forest. Love it! I've spent so much time being worried about this race; only to find that I feel good today.

I burned 720 calories on the elliptic and stationary bike this morning; then went for a 4 mile run outside. And I don't hurt. If I could just keep things like that.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Chapter 4.II

From the Course in Miracles text 4.II.6: "Self esteem in ego terms means nothing more than that the ego has deluded itself into accepting its reality, and is therefore less predatory. This "self esteem" is always vulnerable to stress, a term which refers to any perceived threat to the ego's existence."

I am pleased that my heel feels pretty good this morning. If necessary, I could go walk a marathon; and that is an awesome thought. Instead, I am headed for the elliptical and then to work. Meetings all week kicked off today with the Phosgene Summit. Interesting title.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Sunday Run

Today went really really well.

See, yesterday was a bit suckish. I knew it would be as I knew I had to work out the insoles for a new pair of shoes. Consequently, I'd run 2 miles, stop at the car and adjust locations of wedges etc, run 2 more miles, stop and adjust, repeat. But, I finally got them right and at 14 miles decided those shoes were now comfy. Comfy means my left heel is not screaming. These were Mizuno Wave Riders; a shoe I have not used before.

But my heel was still cranky over the experiment. I didn't know how I'd feel today. But I used the tried and true Nimbus' and my foot felt good. Then the point of today became convincing myself I could maintain a 4.2 mph average pace. I'm signed up for a 50k on a trail next Saturday. It is a day to enjoy a forest for a good long time; but the race has cut-offs so I need to keep up my pace, not just walk slowly.

But my feet felt good today, much better than expected so not only did I keep going to 20 miles but I allowed myself to dream. And yes, I was dreaming about a situation in San Antonio. A woman I know is putting on several races over a 3 day period in May. And several people I've met will be there. These are low key events where you can take as long as you want to finish. Some amazing things happen at these races. People putting in amazing performances over 2 or 3 days. Since I have met these people, I know they are not young and not perfect specimens of human athletes. It seemed like an environment where I could accomplish more than I can by myself. So I came home today and clicked submit; a double marathon entered. Insane if I decide to skimp on hotel rooms and just keep running.

I saw an alligator today. I also saw a beetle pushing a piece of dung. I guess that makes it a dung beetle.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Useless Journies - ACIM Chapter 4

This morning I woke up with the question on my mind, "If you have no one to tell about your running and no dopamine rewards, what would you do?" In the silence, an honest answer is demanded.

If there is a thing as spirit, it must be brought forth and lived. I think it means giving up the things which are louder, the noise. Dopamine rewards are not spirit.

Then, I began chapter 4 (The Illusions of the Ego) of the Course in Miracles text. Here is paragraph 3 of the introduction: "The journey to the cross should be the last “useless journey”; Do not dwell upon it, but dismiss it as accomplished. If you can accept it as your own last useless journey, you are also free to join my resurrection. Until you do so your life is indeed wasted. It merely re-enacts the separation, the loss of power, the futile attempts of the ego at reparation, and finally the crucifixion of the body, or death. Such repetitions are endless until they are voluntarily given up. Do not make the pathetic error of “clinging to the old rugged cross”; The only message of the crucifixion is that you can overcome the cross. Until then you are free to crucify yourself as often as you choose. This is not the Gospel I intended to offer you. We have another journey to undertake, and if you will read these lessons carefully they will help prepare you to undertake it."

This paragraph is counter to denominational Christianity. This is one of the reason I like A Course in Miracles: it is counter-cultural.

So, I gave up a major internet social site. This gave me time to contemplate. Before I had such great internet connections, I contemplated. I stood in the silence and endured its searching. I want to be spirit, not ego. Giving up the ego's accomplishments is to hard because it means giving up the dopamine rewards. Its not that I won't ever try to accomplish anything, but that I will do it in secret. Because if I say anything, the other person congratulates me and I get the dopamine reward.

So, if I give up the rewards, it is a detox experience. Changing the habits which seek out the rewards is difficult. Seeking the rewards is a survival mechanism. Having a secure and valued place in the tribe is necessary for survival according to the ancient brain mechanisms. Today, achieving something and being praised is the equivalent of bringing the tribe some food.

I want to walk away from this mode of living. Not because I am better, but because I seek something else. Renunciation. Downward mobility. Giving in secret...praying in secret...fasting in secret...losing this life....

An interesting picture was taken of me on a bridge in Corpus Christi. I see that I am a skinny version of my mother. Not the drunk fat cruel mother with whom which I lived, but the spark of energy which could play beautiful piano and did seek higher things, only to run into the alcohol addiction over and over. As  spark, I live:


So funny, see I am holding my sun glasses. This was taken before the sun came up; but the wind was so fiercely blowing sand, that I had to put my glasses on for protection.



Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Soul-less

I am reading brain books; neuroscience. The one I'm reading now, "Brain-Wise" does the best job of explaining how an awareness can come into being out of neuronal activities. I am just starting the part about how life itself can come into being from cells without any divine intervention. That is, being alive can start from dead materials of construction. I haven't read the details yet.

But I do think it is important to allow myself to think of myself as a personality made out of remembered experiences and survival skills, and the uniqueness does not come from a cell but from neurons.

And then I got on my elliptical. I like this exercise because I can close my eyes and stopper my ears and just think for an hour. I can believe life came from cells not God. Without a Creator, I can't answer, "Why is there something instead of nothing?"

Every account I've read of someone's God experience involves trauma to the brain itself or the emotions.

Can I, an aware living set of cells, evolve a spirit that same way I evolved a consciousness? If so, I doubt if I would be the first one. If the thesis is true, then someone else must have done it. Jesus? Buddha?

I need to explore nothingness some more, and indeed keep reading.

My other dilemma: I have found several races in Texas during the summer. Now that I've found these races, there is no need to get on an airplane. But I am holding credits that need to be used. I think I'll eat the loss of at least one ticket. I probably will use the others. But I certainly can't decide where to go. St Louis in September is the most likely choice. Maybe God will tell me.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Fabulous March 2013

I really had a good month. The last week, I got in 70 miles and a targeted strength workout every day.