After work today, I have 5 days off. Nothing planned.
Usually, I go to races if I have time off. But, hotels near the race in New Orleans are going to $200 a night; so I became unmotivated. I could go to San Antonio, but I'd have to start by myself at 4 in the morning in order to survive a sun filled course. And for what? Just to say I finished another marathon?
I had originally thought I might try to do a Private Hundred Mile Run. But it is hot this week on the Gulf Coast; not the usual cloudiness, which helps alot with the heat. And I'm not in the mood to prove any thing to any one. Or say I did this or that. I know I will work out a bunch, but there is no measurements associated. And if I feel like sitting on a cushion with my eyes closed instead of exercising, I will.
What I know is I do love going. If I go outside, it won't be very fast. But strapping water on my back and just walking around is fine with me. I just don't want to measure it.
Tolle's "The Power of Now" will journey with me. A Course in Miracles will journey with me. Some fiction will journey with me.
Blessings of peace. Spiritual insight. These are wonderful gifts. I will have additional space for silence this week.
Showing posts with label multi-days. Show all posts
Showing posts with label multi-days. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Friday, July 4, 2014
7 Day Race Update Thread
I officially stopped racing on the 7th day with a tiny bit over 200 miles. Below log is in reverse order, last day to first. I made myself an award for my wall:
Thursday day 7 6:30 pm-
Yay!!!!
I just spent 2h15 min on the treadmill to finish my 200 miles in 7 days. I nearly cried when I looked down at the fitbit and saw it was at 27. 08 miles and I knew I just had one mile to go.
I decided to finish off the 200 miles today because I am training my mind to get out there and finish the miles by some deadline. Of course, to get and 200 miles buckle, I have 3 more days. But it means something to me to get it in 7 days.
Today was alot of hard work. I can't believe I did it.
This virtual race was excellent for motivating me to do more than I would have without it.
Total time spent actually running: 47.9 hours. Daily average: 6.8 hours.
Thursday day 7 11 am-
I don't know if I slept at all last night. I have no idea why. But, when the alarm went off at 5:30, I easily got up. I made it to Meador park by 6:45. I had a wonderful two hours going down to Pine Gully and Wildlife parks. It was beautiful and very nice with a few clouds. I got to see the men from the city working on the new bridge. We are getting an extension to our trail which looks like it will be really nice.
Then it was hot. I really struggled the last of 4h17 min / 18 mile run. If my goal is to drink my dregs, scrape bottom, today I was there. Yet I kept playing this game with my Fitbit. I'd look at it, then decide, one more lap. It was dreadful. But it got me to 18. Only 9.5 miles to go to get to 200 miles. If I was at a real race, I'd make sure to get it done by midnight when the 7 days end. In this case, I still have 3 more days to get my buckle. I will do more today, but if I go for 9 miles, it is for my inner being.
Wednesday day 6, 8 pm-
It turns out I have a goal: 200 miles. So, I continue to be obsessed by miles. So I went for another 85 minute walk this evening. It was quite pleasant. Low humidity, only 68%.
I think I'll set an alarm for the morning. Only 28 more miles. Sounds like a snap, but my will power is waning.
Wednesday 3 pm-
Well I am totally amazed. Is it the heat gear shirt? I don't know. I started my jog at 9:45 am. Not a cloud in the Texas sky, and none showed up during my 4h21 min / 18 mile jog.
Wait, I stayed outside in the heat and humidity jogging for 4 hours?
Yup.
I can get to 200 miles for this race. That would be awesome. I've not ever trained that many miles before. My foot has been doing pretty well. The toe nails did ok today. I like the Clif electrolyte drink the best of what I've tried so far. I like its bite.
I used a tiny loop in some trees today. I got to see millions of tiny crabs in the bayou.
On the introspective side of things. I've settled a question about "true identity", my life as a renunciate, what path I choose as my ethos. None of these ideas are changes. When I say settled, I mean at peace with who I am.
Wednesday 9 am-
I slept damn good last night and did not set the alarm today. This morning, I find myself wanting to go outside and walk around and I think I will, slowly. I looked at the Mountain Challenge website. Second place is a few miles behind me. I find myself not wanting to take up a challenge to stay in first. Part of my ego wants to. I Myself don't want to. I can't let winning corrupt my purity of miles.
In the real world, I'd just be called a loser. So I say these things here, not on the Mountain Challenge website. In that world, I'm supposed to try harder. But really, I just want to do my miles in peace.
Yesterday, I went to The Academy and got another heat gear shirt and some Clif sports drink. It dissolves completely so I am happy to put it in my hydro-pak. The Succeed Clip-2 and the Heed were not dissolving. Gatorade G2 dissolves but it is not on the shelves here in Texas.
Last night, I unwrapped my big toes and let the blisters dry out. I wrapped them up again this morning. They should be ok in the special shoes.
Out into the heat I go. Don't know how long I'll last.
Tuesday July 8 8 pm-
Don't know what is wrong with me. But, I felt good this afternoon evening. I started with 70 min on the treadmill and then walked outside for another hour. I could get 200 miles in the 10 day race. Wouldn't that be something!
Tuesday July 8 11:30 am-
Ultra Monk's Little Way. Don't know why I suddenly think of that. Therese of Liseux had a little way; and she became a Doctor of the Church. I won't be becoming anyone but myself. Or perhaps I am being myself already.
I haven't had 10 days off work where I was healthy in almost 5 years. In 2009, I was laid off all summer so I got to run in the morning and walk in the afternoon every day for about 6 weeks. Now, this 10 days off work, I am doing it again. It is amazing considering my heel spur surgery last September and the ensuing 6 weeks on crutches and then months of pain as the foot got back together.
It hurts now. More like the heel gets bothered by the shoe since it is a different type of roundness as well as a bit of hardware. But, doing my slow walk/ jog, I don't stress it out too much and I can keep going.
Speaking of going, my little way is just like this: get up early and complete spiritual study and meditation. Get to the park and do miles. Come home and shower, eat, rest on the bed. Do more miles in the afternoon. Do additional spiritual study and go to bed.
I noticed today that my mind was stuck on a part of my personal litany. That is, I quit noticing how fast or how far and just jogged along thinking one spiritual phrase over and over. This is the jumping off place I seek. At this point, I'm not really in this world.
That I got up at all today is a miracle. When the alarm went off at 4:40, I would have rolled over but I needed to pee. After that, it was easier to decide, "I'll go downstairs and make tea and just do spiritual study." But after a good study period, I was suddenly moving around the kitchen, getting my drinks ready.
I made it to Meador Park by 6 am. It was very nice that early. I jogged north to Pine Gully and back. Then just went around Meador park after the sun got up.
To get to Pine Gully on the trail, we run along this boardwalk to cross the bayou. This morning, I saw lots of sea birds.
I know of course that what I am doing with this 7 or 10 day race is completely different than going to a race with a bunch of other people and completing a set distance, like 100 miles, all in one shot. And sure, I'd do lots of miles whether I was entered in a race or not. I'm watching to see what the external influence of the virtual race is doing to my internal drive. I don't think I'll ever do 100 miles straight through. But I'll continue to do multi-days. I am more interested in doing something every day rather than accomplishing one big thing and then doing nothing.
Monday July 7, 4 pm-
Having finished 103 miles yesterday, way ahead of where I thought I'd be, I slept in today. It was supposed to be a rest day. But after an extended time of spiritual study, laundry and cooking beans, I felt good so jumped on the treadmill for 90 minutes/ 6.5 miles. That went really well.
Then I decided to try a new thing. That is, I have a new "heat gear" shirt from UnderArmor. The shirt is very tight so it absorbs sweat, then the breeze cools you off. And the shirt keeps the sun off your skin, so it is like wearing shade. I decided to put it on and go over to pine Gully park. This park has half trees and half sun, but it is right on Galveston Bay so it is always windy. And the clouds might come up sooner at that location.
Well, the shirt worked great. I felt really good despite the sun being out. I was there 2h39min, 11.06 miles. Then I went to the grocery store. There is chocolate in the house. But right now I am eating for the first time today. The shirt is in the Woolite in case I want to try it again tomorrow. Today was supposed to be a short day, but I have over 18 miles.
I've learned that I love Red Bull and grapefruit juice much more that other drinks I've used in the past.
Total for the race is now at 122 miles. I feel fine except for toe nails. I might just continue with "easy" days for the next 6 days
I've been very lucky to figure out the weather here; or at least how to get along with it. I am still amazed that I am doing so well. I never do this well at a real race. I think it is because my body needs to re-group every few hours and this can't be done away from home. I always feel better after laying on the bed a couple of hours; and if i am at home, it is easy to get going again. At an "away" race, I'm likely 100 miles up the road.
Sunday July 6, 6:35 pm-
Ha. I felt good this afternoon so I went for another 7.27 mile walk. I am at 103.78 for 3 days. Legs haven't felt that tired in years.
Sunday July 6, 2:40 pm-
Perhaps I was suffering from heat sickness earlier. But after lying on the bed a couple of hours, and allowing the nerve pains to work out, I have arisen. I am wearing a special pair of shoes and considering walking.
Sunday July 6-
The alarm went off 7 minutes earlier than yesterday. And I needed that extra time to decide to get up. But I did get up and was downstairs at 4 am. I did a little Course in Miracles study. I suddenly understood "accepting Atonement for myself."
By 4:48, exactly the same time as yesterday, I went jogging in El Lago. That went well and I finished in exactly the same time as yesterday (6+ miles and 78 minutes). Then disaster, like slowly falling off a cliff.
I got to Brummerhop by 6:20. I had put on mosquito spray today, but darned if they weren't very hungry this morning. And God it was humid. Not a cloud in the sky, at least over me, the sun was out from 7:20 onward to about 10:30. There were some thunderstorms over the lake about 1/2 mile away, but the clouds didn't reach me until, maddeningly, I was ready to leave. The sun had done its damage by the time the clouds came. The clouds didn't stay either. It is still freaking sunny out there.
I was very tired and cranky today. Nothing horrible wrong, just exhausted and hot. Carrying the 2L hydropak was a chore. After I came home, I found that another toenail has bit the dust. A short day; 41 laps of Brummerhop, giving me a total of 23.9 miles this morning. Too much heat and humidity.
I found what I am made of. It takes 3 days and 90 miles to drink my dregs. My dregs are ego. I want to drink the dregs because under the ego is Essence.
Today's mantra is for ACIM students: I accept Atonement for myself. I do not support his dreams of fear. We are but the Living Thoughts of Love.
When Jesus said, "My god, my god, why have you forsaken me," that was his ego dying. When he said, "Into Your hands I commend my spirit," that was Essence knowing it was alive. Life cannot die. Running was never "for" anything. I do it for myself. It is beyond exercise. It is a tool for discovery of my soul. May I rest in peace.
This is a 7 day race. I don't know if more will happen today. I have 2 toes taped. Another hole will be cut in the shoe for toe number 2. An easy walk this eveing would get me the 100 miles in 3 days. We'll see how I feel. Miles will happen tomorrow. But I might not set the alarm clock.
I'm actually pretty freaking proud of what I've done so far. By myself I wouldn't do it; but the extra little push of a virtual race got me going. I'm surprised at how well the heel that had surgery is doing. All praise for Nimbus 16s.
Saturday July 5 pm-
It is cloudy here so the temps were very reasonable. I felt good by 4:30 so I taped up my toe, cut a hole in the brand new Nimbus and went for a 7 mile walk.
I don't know if it will happen or not, but I could get 100 miles tomorrow. A whole day early. No promises. It proves however the fact that I do try harder if it has some reason. I don't think I'd have tried for 100 miles in 3 days without the challenge.
Saturday July 5-
I did not get up in the middle of the night today. But I did make it out of bed at 4 am. About 4:50, after a short meditation, I went jogging in El Lago. I was surprised that my feet and shoes felt really good. I was doing all jogging but low impact; just under 14 min miles. After 6+ miles, I came home for a pit stop. Then gathered up the Nathan and the cooler and went over to Brummerhop park. I did really well there. It is hotter today than yesterday. When I quit, it was 103F humidex. I had full sunshine by 9:30. I stuck it out until 11:30. I ended the day with 27.87 miles. That is amazing.
Except for one toe nail, I don't have much wrong other than fatigue. Dealing with the heat is dreadful. I will say that as today wore on, I started to reach the reason for this endeavor: The Secret of Endurance. It takes many mile to get me to this point. It is the point of survival, the end of the body's resources. I struggle with this point in every race I go in. The point where I think I am going to die so I quit. I want to grapple with this state.
The game I play with this 7 day endeavor is utter nonsense. I am doing miles and pushing myself literally for no external benefit. Actually, it is an external deficit. But only after hours and miles do I get to drink my dregs. I want to drink my dregs.
Hardly anyone was in the park today. The wienie-man who doesn't cleanup after his dog didn't come; so no new dog piles.
I'm past halfway on getting 100 miles; 64.39 miles. I have given myself permission to do nothing else today. I said that yesterday too, however, and walked another 5 miles in the evening. I have one big toenail that got hammered today. I see that I'll need to carve a hole in the shoes as well as tape up the toe.
Friday pm July 4- About 6 pm, I felt spunky again so I went out to do more walking:
Friday, July 4-
My cell phone awakened me at 11:45pm on Thursday. I came immediately downstairs and put on my shoes. Then waited for 12:01. I checked my fitbit and it said zero. So, I clipped it on and walked on the treadmill for 3.8 miles / one hour. Then I went back to bed.
I was dead asleep at 3:55am when the alarm went off. I failed to get up! I snoozed for 20 minutes and then made it up. After a brief meditation, I went outside to El Lago and jogged for an hour / ending with 8.81 miles on the fitbit. Then, I had a pit stop at home, gathered up the Nathan and a small cooler. By 6:20am, I was doing laps in Brummerhop park.
My foot was very fussy at first. I had to change insoles 3 times until I got one that didn't hurt. Then I remembered that my foot already had 9 miles on it so a bit of fussiness is to be expected. It reminded me that my foot will stand a certain number of miles each day; but not as many as my brain seems to want to go.
I did 52 laps of Brummerhop. What goes on there? People walk their dogs. I know exactly who didn't clean up after their dog. I asked the one elderly man about what looks like an abscess on his dog. It is a sad story but the vet cannot fix it. Guys play basketball. Other runners breeze through. A wild looking young man pushes a stroller through. Brummerhop is very small, but it is one of the few places with dirt paths and many trees. So running can be done. Here's how the front of it looks.
It is hard to see, but the post above the doggie dumpster has two bags hanging on it. Besides the Nathan on my back, I brought a small cooler and a bag with insoles and hats. In the cooler I had ice cold Red Bull, Starbucks latte, grapefruit juice, lemonade and 2 apples. I drank all that plus 3 gels and one fruit bar. I still lost weight due to sweating.
Houston is hot all the time, but for Houston, I would have called today tolerable. I stayed outside until almost noon. I didn't have any heat problems. But there had been a completely blue sky for the last hour and it was getting hot.
Today, I was walking a little over 7 hours and got 30+ miles so far. My legs do feel that. I don't know that much more will happen today. I still have 6 more race days. I think 100 miles will be reached quite fast; but I need to keep from going into too much foot pain. Or the race is over. I actually didn't think I'd stay outside until almost noon. Usually, I get too hot before 10.
Here is a screen shot of my race statistics so far:
Thursday day 7 6:30 pm-
Yay!!!!
I just spent 2h15 min on the treadmill to finish my 200 miles in 7 days. I nearly cried when I looked down at the fitbit and saw it was at 27. 08 miles and I knew I just had one mile to go.
I decided to finish off the 200 miles today because I am training my mind to get out there and finish the miles by some deadline. Of course, to get and 200 miles buckle, I have 3 more days. But it means something to me to get it in 7 days.
Today was alot of hard work. I can't believe I did it.
This virtual race was excellent for motivating me to do more than I would have without it.
Total time spent actually running: 47.9 hours. Daily average: 6.8 hours.
Thursday day 7 11 am-
I don't know if I slept at all last night. I have no idea why. But, when the alarm went off at 5:30, I easily got up. I made it to Meador park by 6:45. I had a wonderful two hours going down to Pine Gully and Wildlife parks. It was beautiful and very nice with a few clouds. I got to see the men from the city working on the new bridge. We are getting an extension to our trail which looks like it will be really nice.
Then it was hot. I really struggled the last of 4h17 min / 18 mile run. If my goal is to drink my dregs, scrape bottom, today I was there. Yet I kept playing this game with my Fitbit. I'd look at it, then decide, one more lap. It was dreadful. But it got me to 18. Only 9.5 miles to go to get to 200 miles. If I was at a real race, I'd make sure to get it done by midnight when the 7 days end. In this case, I still have 3 more days to get my buckle. I will do more today, but if I go for 9 miles, it is for my inner being.
I need to do something Saturday morning, but I am sure more miles will occur tomorrow and Sunday. I just won't be killing myself.
Wednesday day 6, 8 pm-
It turns out I have a goal: 200 miles. So, I continue to be obsessed by miles. So I went for another 85 minute walk this evening. It was quite pleasant. Low humidity, only 68%.
I think I'll set an alarm for the morning. Only 28 more miles. Sounds like a snap, but my will power is waning.
Wednesday 3 pm-
Well I am totally amazed. Is it the heat gear shirt? I don't know. I started my jog at 9:45 am. Not a cloud in the Texas sky, and none showed up during my 4h21 min / 18 mile jog.
Wait, I stayed outside in the heat and humidity jogging for 4 hours?
Yup.
I can get to 200 miles for this race. That would be awesome. I've not ever trained that many miles before. My foot has been doing pretty well. The toe nails did ok today. I like the Clif electrolyte drink the best of what I've tried so far. I like its bite.
I used a tiny loop in some trees today. I got to see millions of tiny crabs in the bayou.
On the introspective side of things. I've settled a question about "true identity", my life as a renunciate, what path I choose as my ethos. None of these ideas are changes. When I say settled, I mean at peace with who I am.
Wednesday 9 am-
I slept damn good last night and did not set the alarm today. This morning, I find myself wanting to go outside and walk around and I think I will, slowly. I looked at the Mountain Challenge website. Second place is a few miles behind me. I find myself not wanting to take up a challenge to stay in first. Part of my ego wants to. I Myself don't want to. I can't let winning corrupt my purity of miles.
In the real world, I'd just be called a loser. So I say these things here, not on the Mountain Challenge website. In that world, I'm supposed to try harder. But really, I just want to do my miles in peace.
Yesterday, I went to The Academy and got another heat gear shirt and some Clif sports drink. It dissolves completely so I am happy to put it in my hydro-pak. The Succeed Clip-2 and the Heed were not dissolving. Gatorade G2 dissolves but it is not on the shelves here in Texas.
Last night, I unwrapped my big toes and let the blisters dry out. I wrapped them up again this morning. They should be ok in the special shoes.
Out into the heat I go. Don't know how long I'll last.
Tuesday July 8 8 pm-
Don't know what is wrong with me. But, I felt good this afternoon evening. I started with 70 min on the treadmill and then walked outside for another hour. I could get 200 miles in the 10 day race. Wouldn't that be something!
Tuesday July 8 11:30 am-
Ultra Monk's Little Way. Don't know why I suddenly think of that. Therese of Liseux had a little way; and she became a Doctor of the Church. I won't be becoming anyone but myself. Or perhaps I am being myself already.
I haven't had 10 days off work where I was healthy in almost 5 years. In 2009, I was laid off all summer so I got to run in the morning and walk in the afternoon every day for about 6 weeks. Now, this 10 days off work, I am doing it again. It is amazing considering my heel spur surgery last September and the ensuing 6 weeks on crutches and then months of pain as the foot got back together.
It hurts now. More like the heel gets bothered by the shoe since it is a different type of roundness as well as a bit of hardware. But, doing my slow walk/ jog, I don't stress it out too much and I can keep going.
Speaking of going, my little way is just like this: get up early and complete spiritual study and meditation. Get to the park and do miles. Come home and shower, eat, rest on the bed. Do more miles in the afternoon. Do additional spiritual study and go to bed.
I noticed today that my mind was stuck on a part of my personal litany. That is, I quit noticing how fast or how far and just jogged along thinking one spiritual phrase over and over. This is the jumping off place I seek. At this point, I'm not really in this world.
That I got up at all today is a miracle. When the alarm went off at 4:40, I would have rolled over but I needed to pee. After that, it was easier to decide, "I'll go downstairs and make tea and just do spiritual study." But after a good study period, I was suddenly moving around the kitchen, getting my drinks ready.
I made it to Meador Park by 6 am. It was very nice that early. I jogged north to Pine Gully and back. Then just went around Meador park after the sun got up.
To get to Pine Gully on the trail, we run along this boardwalk to cross the bayou. This morning, I saw lots of sea birds.
I know of course that what I am doing with this 7 or 10 day race is completely different than going to a race with a bunch of other people and completing a set distance, like 100 miles, all in one shot. And sure, I'd do lots of miles whether I was entered in a race or not. I'm watching to see what the external influence of the virtual race is doing to my internal drive. I don't think I'll ever do 100 miles straight through. But I'll continue to do multi-days. I am more interested in doing something every day rather than accomplishing one big thing and then doing nothing.
Monday July 7, 4 pm-
Having finished 103 miles yesterday, way ahead of where I thought I'd be, I slept in today. It was supposed to be a rest day. But after an extended time of spiritual study, laundry and cooking beans, I felt good so jumped on the treadmill for 90 minutes/ 6.5 miles. That went really well.
Then I decided to try a new thing. That is, I have a new "heat gear" shirt from UnderArmor. The shirt is very tight so it absorbs sweat, then the breeze cools you off. And the shirt keeps the sun off your skin, so it is like wearing shade. I decided to put it on and go over to pine Gully park. This park has half trees and half sun, but it is right on Galveston Bay so it is always windy. And the clouds might come up sooner at that location.
Well, the shirt worked great. I felt really good despite the sun being out. I was there 2h39min, 11.06 miles. Then I went to the grocery store. There is chocolate in the house. But right now I am eating for the first time today. The shirt is in the Woolite in case I want to try it again tomorrow. Today was supposed to be a short day, but I have over 18 miles.
I've learned that I love Red Bull and grapefruit juice much more that other drinks I've used in the past.
Total for the race is now at 122 miles. I feel fine except for toe nails. I might just continue with "easy" days for the next 6 days
I've been very lucky to figure out the weather here; or at least how to get along with it. I am still amazed that I am doing so well. I never do this well at a real race. I think it is because my body needs to re-group every few hours and this can't be done away from home. I always feel better after laying on the bed a couple of hours; and if i am at home, it is easy to get going again. At an "away" race, I'm likely 100 miles up the road.
Sunday July 6, 6:35 pm-
Ha. I felt good this afternoon so I went for another 7.27 mile walk. I am at 103.78 for 3 days. Legs haven't felt that tired in years.
Sunday July 6, 2:40 pm-
Perhaps I was suffering from heat sickness earlier. But after lying on the bed a couple of hours, and allowing the nerve pains to work out, I have arisen. I am wearing a special pair of shoes and considering walking.
Sunday July 6-
The alarm went off 7 minutes earlier than yesterday. And I needed that extra time to decide to get up. But I did get up and was downstairs at 4 am. I did a little Course in Miracles study. I suddenly understood "accepting Atonement for myself."
By 4:48, exactly the same time as yesterday, I went jogging in El Lago. That went well and I finished in exactly the same time as yesterday (6+ miles and 78 minutes). Then disaster, like slowly falling off a cliff.
I got to Brummerhop by 6:20. I had put on mosquito spray today, but darned if they weren't very hungry this morning. And God it was humid. Not a cloud in the sky, at least over me, the sun was out from 7:20 onward to about 10:30. There were some thunderstorms over the lake about 1/2 mile away, but the clouds didn't reach me until, maddeningly, I was ready to leave. The sun had done its damage by the time the clouds came. The clouds didn't stay either. It is still freaking sunny out there.
I was very tired and cranky today. Nothing horrible wrong, just exhausted and hot. Carrying the 2L hydropak was a chore. After I came home, I found that another toenail has bit the dust. A short day; 41 laps of Brummerhop, giving me a total of 23.9 miles this morning. Too much heat and humidity.
I found what I am made of. It takes 3 days and 90 miles to drink my dregs. My dregs are ego. I want to drink the dregs because under the ego is Essence.
Today's mantra is for ACIM students: I accept Atonement for myself. I do not support his dreams of fear. We are but the Living Thoughts of Love.
When Jesus said, "My god, my god, why have you forsaken me," that was his ego dying. When he said, "Into Your hands I commend my spirit," that was Essence knowing it was alive. Life cannot die. Running was never "for" anything. I do it for myself. It is beyond exercise. It is a tool for discovery of my soul. May I rest in peace.
This is a 7 day race. I don't know if more will happen today. I have 2 toes taped. Another hole will be cut in the shoe for toe number 2. An easy walk this eveing would get me the 100 miles in 3 days. We'll see how I feel. Miles will happen tomorrow. But I might not set the alarm clock.
I'm actually pretty freaking proud of what I've done so far. By myself I wouldn't do it; but the extra little push of a virtual race got me going. I'm surprised at how well the heel that had surgery is doing. All praise for Nimbus 16s.
Saturday July 5 pm-
It is cloudy here so the temps were very reasonable. I felt good by 4:30 so I taped up my toe, cut a hole in the brand new Nimbus and went for a 7 mile walk.
I don't know if it will happen or not, but I could get 100 miles tomorrow. A whole day early. No promises. It proves however the fact that I do try harder if it has some reason. I don't think I'd have tried for 100 miles in 3 days without the challenge.
Saturday July 5-
I did not get up in the middle of the night today. But I did make it out of bed at 4 am. About 4:50, after a short meditation, I went jogging in El Lago. I was surprised that my feet and shoes felt really good. I was doing all jogging but low impact; just under 14 min miles. After 6+ miles, I came home for a pit stop. Then gathered up the Nathan and the cooler and went over to Brummerhop park. I did really well there. It is hotter today than yesterday. When I quit, it was 103F humidex. I had full sunshine by 9:30. I stuck it out until 11:30. I ended the day with 27.87 miles. That is amazing.
Except for one toe nail, I don't have much wrong other than fatigue. Dealing with the heat is dreadful. I will say that as today wore on, I started to reach the reason for this endeavor: The Secret of Endurance. It takes many mile to get me to this point. It is the point of survival, the end of the body's resources. I struggle with this point in every race I go in. The point where I think I am going to die so I quit. I want to grapple with this state.
The game I play with this 7 day endeavor is utter nonsense. I am doing miles and pushing myself literally for no external benefit. Actually, it is an external deficit. But only after hours and miles do I get to drink my dregs. I want to drink my dregs.
Hardly anyone was in the park today. The wienie-man who doesn't cleanup after his dog didn't come; so no new dog piles.
I'm past halfway on getting 100 miles; 64.39 miles. I have given myself permission to do nothing else today. I said that yesterday too, however, and walked another 5 miles in the evening. I have one big toenail that got hammered today. I see that I'll need to carve a hole in the shoes as well as tape up the toe.
Friday pm July 4- About 6 pm, I felt spunky again so I went out to do more walking:
Friday, July 4-
My cell phone awakened me at 11:45pm on Thursday. I came immediately downstairs and put on my shoes. Then waited for 12:01. I checked my fitbit and it said zero. So, I clipped it on and walked on the treadmill for 3.8 miles / one hour. Then I went back to bed.
I was dead asleep at 3:55am when the alarm went off. I failed to get up! I snoozed for 20 minutes and then made it up. After a brief meditation, I went outside to El Lago and jogged for an hour / ending with 8.81 miles on the fitbit. Then, I had a pit stop at home, gathered up the Nathan and a small cooler. By 6:20am, I was doing laps in Brummerhop park.
My foot was very fussy at first. I had to change insoles 3 times until I got one that didn't hurt. Then I remembered that my foot already had 9 miles on it so a bit of fussiness is to be expected. It reminded me that my foot will stand a certain number of miles each day; but not as many as my brain seems to want to go.
I did 52 laps of Brummerhop. What goes on there? People walk their dogs. I know exactly who didn't clean up after their dog. I asked the one elderly man about what looks like an abscess on his dog. It is a sad story but the vet cannot fix it. Guys play basketball. Other runners breeze through. A wild looking young man pushes a stroller through. Brummerhop is very small, but it is one of the few places with dirt paths and many trees. So running can be done. Here's how the front of it looks.
It is hard to see, but the post above the doggie dumpster has two bags hanging on it. Besides the Nathan on my back, I brought a small cooler and a bag with insoles and hats. In the cooler I had ice cold Red Bull, Starbucks latte, grapefruit juice, lemonade and 2 apples. I drank all that plus 3 gels and one fruit bar. I still lost weight due to sweating.
Houston is hot all the time, but for Houston, I would have called today tolerable. I stayed outside until almost noon. I didn't have any heat problems. But there had been a completely blue sky for the last hour and it was getting hot.
Today, I was walking a little over 7 hours and got 30+ miles so far. My legs do feel that. I don't know that much more will happen today. I still have 6 more race days. I think 100 miles will be reached quite fast; but I need to keep from going into too much foot pain. Or the race is over. I actually didn't think I'd stay outside until almost noon. Usually, I get too hot before 10.
Here is a screen shot of my race statistics so far:
1/3 of the way there almost. But I will keep putting up miles for the whole race. I don't think I'll get as far tomorrow.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
7-day Prelude
Tonight, at 12:01 (Friday), I'll start walking on my treadmill. I know that is a very unlikely start to a 7-day race. I prefer to stay inside in the middle of the night; but that is when the clock starts ticking. I want to honor my commitment and start when the clock does. So the treadmill it is. Then, I'll take a nap. Then I'll get back up in time to jog in El Lago for an hour. Then, I'll come home for a pit stop and head over to the park with my Nathan for as many hours as I can stand. Then, an afternoon snooze. Then more and more walking until I get to 100 miles and then 7 days. Hope I can do it.
My life has been about a desire to know God. Running got mixed into the God quest when I read about the Sri Chinmoy 3,100 Mile Self Transcendence Race (google it). It was a life changing mile stone. Other mile stones were: the trip to Israel when I was 22; sobriety at the age of 26; Zen meditation at the age of 38; 4 years of monastic life, getting out when I was 45; several years attempting to achieve enlightenment through fasting, meditation, prayer, running; then moving to Texas.
Just 2 days ago, a small mile stone which could be course changing. I read for the first time a paper discussing how "enlightenment" breeds dualism, hierarchalism, egoism in its own right. I've not heard someone speak of these aspects in relation to the sacrosanct "enlightenment" which I had been chasing for years. At least up until a year or two ago when I decided that enlightenment was a dopamine reward experience for most people.
I have continued to read other people's writings about God and Christianity and philosophy. I have continued to be a student of A Course in Miracles. I grow in gratitude that "Spirit" continues to teach me the fallacies of religion and enlightenment. I might just die happy because I continued to lose delusions.
Jesus said, "my god my god, why have you foresaken me." Not, "My Creator, why have you foresaken me." Not "The Good, why have you foresaken me?" Not "My Father, why have you foresaken me?" I am the first in history to make this distinction. Jesus was talking to the lying ego, the tiny mad idea, which left at the moment of death. True, I don't need to die. I don't need "enlightenment". I just need to live.
I am however a renunciate. I can't go back on that. When I came popping unexpectedly out of the convent, I didn't want a great deal of what society has. I don't want the food, the alcohol, the sports hype, the entertainment, the religion, the politics, the gadgets, the clothes, and many other aspects. I don't participate. I have convictions about these things. I recoil from them.
Returning to my 7-day race, my running is totally selfish; but also an inward journey. It is true that Houston heat, sweating and walking, causes my ego to shut up. In a perverse way, I like sweating. Since I am on my own, me and my thoughts, walking to nowhere, I can only turn inward. This walking activity, however, is totally futile in a spiritual sense; except every time I quit doing miles and go inside like a sensible person, my ego's grandiose dreams die. Humanity wins. I go back to being just a person who needs to eat and sleep and gets blisters and has pains in the foot. A 7-day race by myself is a futile effort. Nothing to brag about. Just something I want to do because I like the park and I like the freedom of doing miles with nothing but a Nathan hydro-pak and a couple of energy bars.
My life has been about a desire to know God. Running got mixed into the God quest when I read about the Sri Chinmoy 3,100 Mile Self Transcendence Race (google it). It was a life changing mile stone. Other mile stones were: the trip to Israel when I was 22; sobriety at the age of 26; Zen meditation at the age of 38; 4 years of monastic life, getting out when I was 45; several years attempting to achieve enlightenment through fasting, meditation, prayer, running; then moving to Texas.
Just 2 days ago, a small mile stone which could be course changing. I read for the first time a paper discussing how "enlightenment" breeds dualism, hierarchalism, egoism in its own right. I've not heard someone speak of these aspects in relation to the sacrosanct "enlightenment" which I had been chasing for years. At least up until a year or two ago when I decided that enlightenment was a dopamine reward experience for most people.
I have continued to read other people's writings about God and Christianity and philosophy. I have continued to be a student of A Course in Miracles. I grow in gratitude that "Spirit" continues to teach me the fallacies of religion and enlightenment. I might just die happy because I continued to lose delusions.
Jesus said, "my god my god, why have you foresaken me." Not, "My Creator, why have you foresaken me." Not "The Good, why have you foresaken me?" Not "My Father, why have you foresaken me?" I am the first in history to make this distinction. Jesus was talking to the lying ego, the tiny mad idea, which left at the moment of death. True, I don't need to die. I don't need "enlightenment". I just need to live.
I am however a renunciate. I can't go back on that. When I came popping unexpectedly out of the convent, I didn't want a great deal of what society has. I don't want the food, the alcohol, the sports hype, the entertainment, the religion, the politics, the gadgets, the clothes, and many other aspects. I don't participate. I have convictions about these things. I recoil from them.
Returning to my 7-day race, my running is totally selfish; but also an inward journey. It is true that Houston heat, sweating and walking, causes my ego to shut up. In a perverse way, I like sweating. Since I am on my own, me and my thoughts, walking to nowhere, I can only turn inward. This walking activity, however, is totally futile in a spiritual sense; except every time I quit doing miles and go inside like a sensible person, my ego's grandiose dreams die. Humanity wins. I go back to being just a person who needs to eat and sleep and gets blisters and has pains in the foot. A 7-day race by myself is a futile effort. Nothing to brag about. Just something I want to do because I like the park and I like the freedom of doing miles with nothing but a Nathan hydro-pak and a couple of energy bars.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Can't Wait for Miles
It is Tuesday morning. I went for a fantastic jog at 5 am. It was of course warm and sweaty as Houston is this time of year. I felt great.
Starting Friday at 12:00am, I begin a 7 day race. It is a virtual race, using my fitbit synced to Matchio. Others are in the race and if I get 100 miles, I'll get a belt buckle. For the first time in years, I have 10 days off work; without needing surgery to get it. I am healthy. I love it. Time to sweat. Time for miles. My own bed. Showers and toilets.
Shopping list this week tells the story: Gatorade G2, grapefruit juice, lemonade, Coke, Red Bull, Starbucks, 5 Hour Energy... I think I'm planning on being thirsty.
I don't care that it is a "virtual" race. I'm happy to go without the hours of travel, hotels, cost of airplanes and rental cars. I know I will do what I can. If someone else isn't, I don't care. It is me and my body and the heat. No special race course. No roots or rocks or mountains. In fact, some of the miles in the middle of the night or the middle of the afternoon will be done on a treadmill. Some of the laps might be done back and forth on my street since it is a gated village.
I've been fascinated by multi-days for several years. I've done my own private multi-days before. traveling to a race really does take alot out of me; although the cameraderie on the course is tremendous. Into the future, I see less of my own entries into public races as I attempt to live in a budget. I don't really like what I see for-profit race directors doing.
I accept inner swag.
Its just miles.
Starting Friday at 12:00am, I begin a 7 day race. It is a virtual race, using my fitbit synced to Matchio. Others are in the race and if I get 100 miles, I'll get a belt buckle. For the first time in years, I have 10 days off work; without needing surgery to get it. I am healthy. I love it. Time to sweat. Time for miles. My own bed. Showers and toilets.
Shopping list this week tells the story: Gatorade G2, grapefruit juice, lemonade, Coke, Red Bull, Starbucks, 5 Hour Energy... I think I'm planning on being thirsty.
I don't care that it is a "virtual" race. I'm happy to go without the hours of travel, hotels, cost of airplanes and rental cars. I know I will do what I can. If someone else isn't, I don't care. It is me and my body and the heat. No special race course. No roots or rocks or mountains. In fact, some of the miles in the middle of the night or the middle of the afternoon will be done on a treadmill. Some of the laps might be done back and forth on my street since it is a gated village.
I've been fascinated by multi-days for several years. I've done my own private multi-days before. traveling to a race really does take alot out of me; although the cameraderie on the course is tremendous. Into the future, I see less of my own entries into public races as I attempt to live in a budget. I don't really like what I see for-profit race directors doing.
I accept inner swag.
Its just miles.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Endless Spiritual Miles
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It is 2 1/2 weeks since Calgary Marathon. I really did a good job of preparing for 26.2 miles, hoping to finish in less than 6 hours. Compared to the utterly flat landscape of south Houston, Calgary is hilly and altitude. I did well with that part. My foot which had surgery last September did well too. I am happy with my trip. My Canadian peeps were awesome. Even United Airlines did a great job.
Now, time for a hot humid summer on the Gulf coast. My next race is a virtual 7 day race July 4- 10. The race is linked to my fitbit and I get a buckle for 100 miles. I am going to take it seriously. I like to be at home where I can feed myself, shower, sleep in a bed and the course is right by my home. No adventure at all, just miles.
I've been reading a book called History of God by Karen Armstrong. It is incredibly interesting to learn where Christian sects get their dogma. Ms Armstrong gave the first explanation of the Trinity I've ever understood. The meaning of Jesus is really quite different than churches teach. Christianity as practiced denominationally in the US is what I will now call Pauline. Consider, vast amounts of people practicing some religion mainly bastardized from letters not all written by a man who had a delusional experience but never knew Jesus and argued with James and Peter and eventually separated himself.
The adventure of the Sermon on the Mount is totally lost to denominational Pauline Christianity. That religion is for the masses of people who want to belong and feel safe.
I like more and more that since leaving the monastery nearly 11 years ago, I have done my research and stood up for my convictions. I'll accept anyone's personal experience of the Spirit of Christ; but not religion. Daily I do spiritual miles. These miles add up. I am grateful for them.
I am 55 years old. I thought I was post menopause, which I am. But I am just learning that hormone induced emotions continue on since now I am missing what I used to have. Yesterday, I discerned that my black cloud of more than a year ago had come back a few weeks ago. When I realized how that was exactly how I felt (seeing the world thru a red haze of hate for no reason), I mentioned it to a female colleague. She told me about a natural supplement she used. Now, I am trying it. I don't want the cloud. It is incredibly difficult to find a MD that will give you more than 20 seconds and no prescription unless you are hysterical. So, I go the way of hearsay. Other women will talk about what works for them.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Its not for Everyone
This week, I got in 62 miles, and about 17 total hours of workout. Saturday was my first 22 mile jog/walk in about 8 months. I was glad to get it done because I am concerned about the Calgary Marathon coming up June 1st. I think I'll be able to get that done.
But my mind is very endurance oriented. I still want to accomplish a multi-day event. I lay in bed and think about doing laps. I wish I could just go and go. Well, I still have some heel issues to work out. I know that any multi-day event I do will be slow. I'm fine with slow. I need to prevent toe nail losses and figure out how to stay in the game for more than 16 hours.
What is not for everybody? Virtual events. I signed up for a 7 day virtual race. It is linked to my fitbit, and I get a buckle if I do 100 miles. This would be my second virtual event. I find that I do hold myself to higher standard than I would otherwise when I am even slightly accountable. The virtual event does push me. In my case, it is a test to see how long it takes me to get to 100 miles. I'm hoping I can do it in 4 days.
This is leading up to a real race in December. It is also mind training. My mind needs as much work as my feet to accomplish a multi-day.
With the virtual event, I get to sleep in my own bed and eat my own food and save travel costs. I am racing less these days as races now cost over $100 and race directors try to pack more and more people in. I saw a race where the course was 100 miles, a t-shirt and belt buckle were offered and I suppose timing; but otherwise, completely self supported. Why is that so different than my virtual race?
Would I cheat? No. Cheating would bother my conscience. The accomplishment has to mean something to me. Since I don't talk to very many people, there is no point in having a belt buckle that I cheated to get. I need the 100 miles to be my truth, not anyone else's.
Endurance has been a part of my character my whole life, even when I was a teenager. Even when I was a kid on a swim team. My whole life I've wanted to do endless miles. I continue to figure out how to do that.
But my mind is very endurance oriented. I still want to accomplish a multi-day event. I lay in bed and think about doing laps. I wish I could just go and go. Well, I still have some heel issues to work out. I know that any multi-day event I do will be slow. I'm fine with slow. I need to prevent toe nail losses and figure out how to stay in the game for more than 16 hours.
What is not for everybody? Virtual events. I signed up for a 7 day virtual race. It is linked to my fitbit, and I get a buckle if I do 100 miles. This would be my second virtual event. I find that I do hold myself to higher standard than I would otherwise when I am even slightly accountable. The virtual event does push me. In my case, it is a test to see how long it takes me to get to 100 miles. I'm hoping I can do it in 4 days.
This is leading up to a real race in December. It is also mind training. My mind needs as much work as my feet to accomplish a multi-day.
With the virtual event, I get to sleep in my own bed and eat my own food and save travel costs. I am racing less these days as races now cost over $100 and race directors try to pack more and more people in. I saw a race where the course was 100 miles, a t-shirt and belt buckle were offered and I suppose timing; but otherwise, completely self supported. Why is that so different than my virtual race?
Would I cheat? No. Cheating would bother my conscience. The accomplishment has to mean something to me. Since I don't talk to very many people, there is no point in having a belt buckle that I cheated to get. I need the 100 miles to be my truth, not anyone else's.
Endurance has been a part of my character my whole life, even when I was a teenager. Even when I was a kid on a swim team. My whole life I've wanted to do endless miles. I continue to figure out how to do that.
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Easter Multi-day 2014
This was a great weekend for doing miles here in Seabrook. So, that is what I did. An experiment of time and distance; except, I knew I wasn't in the mood for more than 5 hours on any given day. I wanted to sleep in also.
Friday I did 4.5 hours and 18.5 miles. Plus a 40 min strength workout.
Saturday I did 4h26min and 19.2 miles.
Sunday I did 4h01min and 17.1 miles. Plus I'll probably do some strength this evening while I listen to the TED radio hour.
My foot did really well. Yeah, that foot which had surgery in September 2013.
What amazed me is that I am not all torn up that I'm not celebrating Easter. I was practicing my Course in Miracles lessons. I did feel connected to my higher power. But I cannot for the life of me remember what was so important about Easter. This shocks me. I spent so many years as a Roman Catholic and also in a Benedictine monastery.
The God I worship doesn't seem to need special liturgy. If God is love, then there is nothing more to be done.
Voluntary poverty is to dismiss ego possessions; live with no kudos, no approval, no dopamine rewards, no special liturgy. Just be nice and pay your taxes.
Voluntary simplicity is to possess nothing. No honor, no rewards, no legacy, no other people. Just walk in silence.
If all you have is silence, you have made a good start on walking with God. My adult life is characterized by the quest for inner silence and God consciousness. This yields nothing in this world. It is about as silly as doing miles every day on a boring path in Seabrook, Texas.
Tomorrow begins another work week. But I am going to be a little slacker on the miles this week. I'm going in a real race next Saturday.
Friday I did 4.5 hours and 18.5 miles. Plus a 40 min strength workout.
Saturday I did 4h26min and 19.2 miles.
Sunday I did 4h01min and 17.1 miles. Plus I'll probably do some strength this evening while I listen to the TED radio hour.
My foot did really well. Yeah, that foot which had surgery in September 2013.
What amazed me is that I am not all torn up that I'm not celebrating Easter. I was practicing my Course in Miracles lessons. I did feel connected to my higher power. But I cannot for the life of me remember what was so important about Easter. This shocks me. I spent so many years as a Roman Catholic and also in a Benedictine monastery.
The God I worship doesn't seem to need special liturgy. If God is love, then there is nothing more to be done.
Voluntary poverty is to dismiss ego possessions; live with no kudos, no approval, no dopamine rewards, no special liturgy. Just be nice and pay your taxes.
Voluntary simplicity is to possess nothing. No honor, no rewards, no legacy, no other people. Just walk in silence.
If all you have is silence, you have made a good start on walking with God. My adult life is characterized by the quest for inner silence and God consciousness. This yields nothing in this world. It is about as silly as doing miles every day on a boring path in Seabrook, Texas.
Tomorrow begins another work week. But I am going to be a little slacker on the miles this week. I'm going in a real race next Saturday.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
I'm finally accepting it....
I live in Texas. I live in this house and work at this place and there is no escape. I've always escaped or somehow been moved on. So much so that I didn't realize how I was taking Texas as a temporary thing.
But yesterday, I bought a bookshelf for my upstairs bedroom and moved books from boxes onto the shelves. Somehow, this lent an air of permanence to my residence. People who move might leave the stuff in the boxes. People planning on staying some place will unpack and settle in.
The new bookcase tells me what I have decided.
This weekend was almost my first private multi-day since foot surgery. I jog/ walked for 5 hours and 20.5 miles on Friday. I cross trained for 2h47min on Saturday. Today, Sunday, I did another 3.5 hours and 15.35 miles of jog/ walk. I don't really plan all this. When I go out for a long run, I just go until I run out of time or it starts to hurt real bad. So yes I am training for a marathon. But no, I am not following a training plan. I just go out and if all is well, I keep going.
I don't know why I like to do miles. If I lived in the mountains, it might not seem so strange to spend a day hiking. But, it is very boring where I live. The deep reason for why I do this have not been discerned. But dreaming of endurance has been in my brain since a very young age. But like silence, my brain does not speak of why this must be so.
I have to quit asking questions of silence. I should quit expecting it to make me wise. Silence just is and must be enjoyed without demands.
To be in the world but not of it: At the practical level, it means not participating. Like not eating the food of the masses, or watching their TV, or doing a family, or ... get the point? But one level down it means thinking different. This is possible if you train your synapses to respond differently. Another level down it means a focus in another direction. This means that life and all of its purposes and awarenesses and desires are in a direction not of this world. This is possible but not easy since distractions come along continuously.
They built monasteries to help this process. Men went to the desert to help this process. Had I stayed in the monastery, I'd have to be "of this world." A small enclosed world different from society; but a world none the less. I'd have to conform to them and their religion. The knowledge that makes this world an illusion would not have been obtained. The deeper thinking is possible for one allowed intellectual and spiritual freedom; but not one confined in a religious prison.
I live as a solitary. I study spiritual material. I don't eat the meat or watch the TV. I don't have any ear worms except those from the 60s and 70s which are triggered frequently but not that often.
Jesus in not Lord. Christ just is.
But yesterday, I bought a bookshelf for my upstairs bedroom and moved books from boxes onto the shelves. Somehow, this lent an air of permanence to my residence. People who move might leave the stuff in the boxes. People planning on staying some place will unpack and settle in.
The new bookcase tells me what I have decided.
This weekend was almost my first private multi-day since foot surgery. I jog/ walked for 5 hours and 20.5 miles on Friday. I cross trained for 2h47min on Saturday. Today, Sunday, I did another 3.5 hours and 15.35 miles of jog/ walk. I don't really plan all this. When I go out for a long run, I just go until I run out of time or it starts to hurt real bad. So yes I am training for a marathon. But no, I am not following a training plan. I just go out and if all is well, I keep going.
I don't know why I like to do miles. If I lived in the mountains, it might not seem so strange to spend a day hiking. But, it is very boring where I live. The deep reason for why I do this have not been discerned. But dreaming of endurance has been in my brain since a very young age. But like silence, my brain does not speak of why this must be so.
I have to quit asking questions of silence. I should quit expecting it to make me wise. Silence just is and must be enjoyed without demands.
To be in the world but not of it: At the practical level, it means not participating. Like not eating the food of the masses, or watching their TV, or doing a family, or ... get the point? But one level down it means thinking different. This is possible if you train your synapses to respond differently. Another level down it means a focus in another direction. This means that life and all of its purposes and awarenesses and desires are in a direction not of this world. This is possible but not easy since distractions come along continuously.
They built monasteries to help this process. Men went to the desert to help this process. Had I stayed in the monastery, I'd have to be "of this world." A small enclosed world different from society; but a world none the less. I'd have to conform to them and their religion. The knowledge that makes this world an illusion would not have been obtained. The deeper thinking is possible for one allowed intellectual and spiritual freedom; but not one confined in a religious prison.
I live as a solitary. I study spiritual material. I don't eat the meat or watch the TV. I don't have any ear worms except those from the 60s and 70s which are triggered frequently but not that often.
Jesus in not Lord. Christ just is.
Saturday, April 27, 2013
More Miles
If you want to do endless miles, then just go do it. Today I did make it out of bed at a reasonable 6:30 and started walking at 7:50. I had no goal really. I just filled my hydro-pak with water and started walking in Meador Park.
I went 17 miles. When to stop?
The idea of miles is positively addicting for me.
I had 2 phrases from A Course in Miracles Chapter 6 in my mind: Alignment with light is unlimited. Allow no darkness in my mind. Over and over, realizing when I was thinking darkness and limits.
After about 3 hours, I had an enlightening moment. See, my mind had been roaming around the United States thinking of long distance races I want to do. Or just thinking of multi-days. Or thinking of how hard it is to do the miles without any sort of race or reward; just do the miles, write it in your book and go on. My left foot was slowly but surely getting sore.
Then after one of my phrase repetitions, it hit me: my mind IS unlimited!! That is IT! Yes, a crucial part of ACIM learned: I am not a body I am free. I am still as God created me. I get to choose all my thoughts. Nothing I see means anything. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....the little runner who could.
I went 17 miles. When to stop?
The idea of miles is positively addicting for me.
I had 2 phrases from A Course in Miracles Chapter 6 in my mind: Alignment with light is unlimited. Allow no darkness in my mind. Over and over, realizing when I was thinking darkness and limits.
After about 3 hours, I had an enlightening moment. See, my mind had been roaming around the United States thinking of long distance races I want to do. Or just thinking of multi-days. Or thinking of how hard it is to do the miles without any sort of race or reward; just do the miles, write it in your book and go on. My left foot was slowly but surely getting sore.
Then after one of my phrase repetitions, it hit me: my mind IS unlimited!! That is IT! Yes, a crucial part of ACIM learned: I am not a body I am free. I am still as God created me. I get to choose all my thoughts. Nothing I see means anything. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....the little runner who could.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
No More Awesome
Really, such an over used word. I'm going to stop it. Seriously. I'm sick of awesome.
In July of 2011, I wrote this:
I run because I have nothing else to do. This is intentional. I have designed my life for maximum running.
That I would decide to have nothing else scares many people. Or, it causes judgement. The decision is very different from people who run for exercise or run for speed and awards and accomplishment. I do get these, but I run without them anyway.
I was a runner when I was a nun; without a chance in hell of going in a race.
This morning, I woke up at 3:10, my usual time and got out of bed. I did my usual spiritual study and hit the roads by 4:15. I slow jogged for 5.5 hours. It was all completely uneventful. Nothing to see. No points of interests. Just me and my sweat, slow jogging, hills and ever increasing heat. Nothing good can possibly come of this. But I really want to go out again tomorrow. We'll see if sleep wins.
Now, April 2013, nothing much has changed about me. I've been pretty much like this for most of my life. I still get up that early. I still run as long as I can on any given day. This morning I had a wonderful little jaunt in El Lago.
I was thinking about self transcendence and my Course in Miracles quest. This quest will be carried out. Even with a job change looming over my head. I see that the quest will continue.
I'm excited about next weekend. If all goes well, it will be my first double marathon; a multi-day of sorts. I can do 26 miles without any problem with my toe nails. But if I do 50 miles, I'm sure to lose a couple even with taping. I'm hoping to become capable of a daily 26 miles.
In July of 2011, I wrote this:
I run because I have nothing else to do. This is intentional. I have designed my life for maximum running.
That I would decide to have nothing else scares many people. Or, it causes judgement. The decision is very different from people who run for exercise or run for speed and awards and accomplishment. I do get these, but I run without them anyway.
I was a runner when I was a nun; without a chance in hell of going in a race.
This morning, I woke up at 3:10, my usual time and got out of bed. I did my usual spiritual study and hit the roads by 4:15. I slow jogged for 5.5 hours. It was all completely uneventful. Nothing to see. No points of interests. Just me and my sweat, slow jogging, hills and ever increasing heat. Nothing good can possibly come of this. But I really want to go out again tomorrow. We'll see if sleep wins.
Now, April 2013, nothing much has changed about me. I've been pretty much like this for most of my life. I still get up that early. I still run as long as I can on any given day. This morning I had a wonderful little jaunt in El Lago.
I was thinking about self transcendence and my Course in Miracles quest. This quest will be carried out. Even with a job change looming over my head. I see that the quest will continue.
I'm excited about next weekend. If all goes well, it will be my first double marathon; a multi-day of sorts. I can do 26 miles without any problem with my toe nails. But if I do 50 miles, I'm sure to lose a couple even with taping. I'm hoping to become capable of a daily 26 miles.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Easter 2013 Multi-Day
On Thursday, I got in 3 hours of workout plus strength.
On Friday, I got the private marathon done plus strength.
On Saturday, I did the half marathon plus elliptical plus strength.
Now it is Sunday. I'm headed to the park for a long walk, plus additional cross training this evening.
Pretty decent 4 days of workout; a multi-day. Just for me. Part of the anti-dopamine project. Downward Mobility in the material world. Drinking the dregs of my personal energy.
But down in my guts, the one thing I always wanted was the spiritual connection. From the start, I observed strange religious behavior and I believed that those people knew God, or Jesus. I tried everything to achieve the reality.
I never made it.
Now that I am studying neuro philosophy/science (brain books), I can't claim that beliefs are based on anything other than warped survival instinct.
But study of A Course in Miracles does help me deal with my fear and have happy days. So do endorphins. But I don't know more than that.
I hope some day I have the spiritual connection. It is the hope and dream of a lifetime; which is slowly and depressingly eroding.
I think I'll go buy something.
On Friday, I got the private marathon done plus strength.
On Saturday, I did the half marathon plus elliptical plus strength.
Now it is Sunday. I'm headed to the park for a long walk, plus additional cross training this evening.
Pretty decent 4 days of workout; a multi-day. Just for me. Part of the anti-dopamine project. Downward Mobility in the material world. Drinking the dregs of my personal energy.
But down in my guts, the one thing I always wanted was the spiritual connection. From the start, I observed strange religious behavior and I believed that those people knew God, or Jesus. I tried everything to achieve the reality.
I never made it.
Now that I am studying neuro philosophy/science (brain books), I can't claim that beliefs are based on anything other than warped survival instinct.
But study of A Course in Miracles does help me deal with my fear and have happy days. So do endorphins. But I don't know more than that.
I hope some day I have the spiritual connection. It is the hope and dream of a lifetime; which is slowly and depressingly eroding.
I think I'll go buy something.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
A Mental Game - Ultracentric Learning
That's what ultra-running is for me. I learned something really significant this weekend at Ultracentric.
When I quit the race, it was because I thought I was going to die. That is, I thought that I couldn't get any nutrition due to the squirts, that the shivering was due to shock and that I was suffocating in my car. So my brain instructed me to do something about it. A cheap room at the Holiday Inn was all I could think of. And once I put my chip in the timing tent, and left the race site, my game was over. I know me.
But, the next day, I knew I could've gone back and walked some more. Today, I jogged 8 miles and did another hour of cross training plus some TRX upper body. Clearly, I didn't leave my soul or my heart on the race course.
So I figure that my brain kicked in to survival gear long before I was anywhere near dying. But since I live in my thoughts, I was powerless to go against survival gear. I could only obey it's command to find a warm room and also go home as soon as possible. I think that people who have crew are able to have the crew solve their problems, and tell them they are not going to die. But alone, you believe whatever is in your mind and act accordingly.
But even if I had a crew, I'm not sure I'll ever do 100 miles. I still am against tearing up my body/feet so bad that extended recovery is required. I like being able to workout again 2 days later. I'm all about the long term and the middle way. 50 miles is within my training envelope. I seem to be able to do it without too much trauma. I forget that 50 miles is still a hell of a long way.
So, despite my self knowledge, I know I'm not done dicking around with 24 hour events. And Thanksgiving weekend is nothing but a personal multi-day running experiment for me. I have no friends or family and disagree with the whole premise of national gluttony celebrations in a nation of fat people. I disagree with eating meat in general anyway. So I look forward to miles and cross training time and weight lifting. Don't forget the strength.
My next race is 12/29; and its in Houston. So 50 miles and home to my own bed! Love it.
When I quit the race, it was because I thought I was going to die. That is, I thought that I couldn't get any nutrition due to the squirts, that the shivering was due to shock and that I was suffocating in my car. So my brain instructed me to do something about it. A cheap room at the Holiday Inn was all I could think of. And once I put my chip in the timing tent, and left the race site, my game was over. I know me.
But, the next day, I knew I could've gone back and walked some more. Today, I jogged 8 miles and did another hour of cross training plus some TRX upper body. Clearly, I didn't leave my soul or my heart on the race course.
So I figure that my brain kicked in to survival gear long before I was anywhere near dying. But since I live in my thoughts, I was powerless to go against survival gear. I could only obey it's command to find a warm room and also go home as soon as possible. I think that people who have crew are able to have the crew solve their problems, and tell them they are not going to die. But alone, you believe whatever is in your mind and act accordingly.
But even if I had a crew, I'm not sure I'll ever do 100 miles. I still am against tearing up my body/feet so bad that extended recovery is required. I like being able to workout again 2 days later. I'm all about the long term and the middle way. 50 miles is within my training envelope. I seem to be able to do it without too much trauma. I forget that 50 miles is still a hell of a long way.
So, despite my self knowledge, I know I'm not done dicking around with 24 hour events. And Thanksgiving weekend is nothing but a personal multi-day running experiment for me. I have no friends or family and disagree with the whole premise of national gluttony celebrations in a nation of fat people. I disagree with eating meat in general anyway. So I look forward to miles and cross training time and weight lifting. Don't forget the strength.
My next race is 12/29; and its in Houston. So 50 miles and home to my own bed! Love it.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Next Running Adventure
I am the owner of airplane tickets to go to St Louis this weekend. I planned to go in a 12 hour race. It looks like the remnants of TS Isaac will be drenching the St Louis area on Saturday into Sunday. So it looks like my race will be in the rain. I am a wimp in some ways. If this race did not involve airplane tickets, I'd probably stay home.
As it is, I might as well go. I'm taking my huge plastic covered duffle bag and my good rain suit and even the poncho. I'll have 2 changes of shoes and clothes.
But I know it will be a mental challenge for me. Overcoming my own brain will be tough. I wonder how long I will last; or what sort of rants my habitual consciousness will produce.
Going through the mental challenge is mainly what ultra runners do. Failure to breach the mental barrier is my own shortcoming. So, if I last 12 hours at Flatlander's, no matter how far I go, that is good success for the future. I really want to succeed at Ultracentric in November; but to do that, I need to be able to keep walking no matter what my habitual consciouness says.
As it is, I might as well go. I'm taking my huge plastic covered duffle bag and my good rain suit and even the poncho. I'll have 2 changes of shoes and clothes.
But I know it will be a mental challenge for me. Overcoming my own brain will be tough. I wonder how long I will last; or what sort of rants my habitual consciousness will produce.
Going through the mental challenge is mainly what ultra runners do. Failure to breach the mental barrier is my own shortcoming. So, if I last 12 hours at Flatlander's, no matter how far I go, that is good success for the future. I really want to succeed at Ultracentric in November; but to do that, I need to be able to keep walking no matter what my habitual consciouness says.
Monday, September 5, 2011
Silverton 1000 - Race Report
It’s down there. Deep down there. Somehow, I will find it. That is all my life is for.
Mine is the story of a girl who could and a girl who couldn’t. A girl who is stubborn against the crowd, the club. A girl who is insistent on the other world, the world of the spirit.
Here is a picture of me on the Silverton course. Yes, that guy is dressed in a Jester outfit and ran more than 200 miles like that. I am stalked (literally) by the Jester.
From Wikipedia: “The root of the word "fool" is from the Latin follis, which means "bag of wind" or that which contains air or breath…In literature, the jester is symbolic of common sense and of honesty, notably in King Lear, the court jester is a character used for insight and advice on the part of the monarch, taking advantage of his license to mock and speak freely to dispense frank observations and highlight the folly of his monarch…The fool's status was one of privilege within a royal or noble household. His folly could be regarded as the raving of a madman but was often deemed to be divinely inspired….”
The runner, the ultra-runner, but especially the multi-day-runner, is a seeker. I am the girl who sought spirit in long distance running. I believe this to be true since I first began running at the age of 13. I was inspired by the idea of freedom and spacious distance. To go to a race course which is one mile, up 235 feet each time, at 9,300 plus elevation, and run 86 laps around it seems folly. Is that what the Jester is secretly symbolizing?
Multi-day races are for the patiently enduring. The average age of the athlete rises into the 50's. Its point is the forward movement over time and the eventual mental and physical struggle; a microcosm of life and death and re-birth. I went to Silverton Colorado for a 72 hour running race. I went very unsure that I could run 100 miles in 3 days, but it took all of each day yesterday to prove it to my ego.
No belt buckle for me, but a great showing for a flatlander. I ran 31 miles the first day and threw in the towel as day light waned. I went 24 miles the second day before my endocrine system shut down due to my fueling mistakes. I felt great the third day and went another 31 miles; stopping with a total of 86 miles, at 6 pm in the evening.
3 days. Total hours = 10.6 + 9 + 12.2 = 31.8 hours. Total miles = 31 + 24 + 31 = 86. Total feet climbed = 86 x 235 = 20,210 ft (omg, thats alot). And this brings me to the most major dilemma of the event: why not finish 100 miles and get the belt buckle? Real ultra runners would do that. I’ve already been treated like a loser because I didn’t do that. It is not like I couldn’t have done it. I certainly could have slowly walked another 7 hours until about 3 am, and finished 100 miles.
So I am both a winner (finished 86 miles) and a loser (didn’t finish 100 miles). This is what the Jester jokes to me about.
This is my first multi-day event. There are some awesome people here. Silverton is a beautiful place. I am still impressed at how mature most of the runners are. My age of 52 is about average with very few below age 45, some up into their 70s. We do have a couple of 10 year old boys running too. Two people from Hawaii age 61 and 63 are prolific ultra runners (I was able to look them up at Ultra signup). They made 114 miles total.
You know, each of us here is going through some sort of personal struggle and transformation. It is not really about finishing 100 miles to get a buckle. It is about your daily struggle to keep going to your own personal limits.
I sit quietly and ask my soul for an answer? Why did I come here? Why do I run? I guess the answer is in the fact that I go running again. I am an athlete. There seems to be no other answer than the two edged sword provided by the Jester: I am good enough/ I am not good enough.
The ego’s dilemma and always what the Jester points to: we are all fools, unknowingly naked in our strivings. We are unstoppable in our human endeavors, yet death stalks us all.
I would not trade the life of a distance runner for anything in the world. This life came with me into the convent and was efficacious in getting me kicked out of the convent. Running comes with me into contemplation and self transcendence. Running gets me out of bed each day.
The winner:
Mine is the story of a girl who could and a girl who couldn’t. A girl who is stubborn against the crowd, the club. A girl who is insistent on the other world, the world of the spirit.
Here is a picture of me on the Silverton course. Yes, that guy is dressed in a Jester outfit and ran more than 200 miles like that. I am stalked (literally) by the Jester.
From Wikipedia: “The root of the word "fool" is from the Latin follis, which means "bag of wind" or that which contains air or breath…In literature, the jester is symbolic of common sense and of honesty, notably in King Lear, the court jester is a character used for insight and advice on the part of the monarch, taking advantage of his license to mock and speak freely to dispense frank observations and highlight the folly of his monarch…The fool's status was one of privilege within a royal or noble household. His folly could be regarded as the raving of a madman but was often deemed to be divinely inspired….”
The runner, the ultra-runner, but especially the multi-day-runner, is a seeker. I am the girl who sought spirit in long distance running. I believe this to be true since I first began running at the age of 13. I was inspired by the idea of freedom and spacious distance. To go to a race course which is one mile, up 235 feet each time, at 9,300 plus elevation, and run 86 laps around it seems folly. Is that what the Jester is secretly symbolizing?
Multi-day races are for the patiently enduring. The average age of the athlete rises into the 50's. Its point is the forward movement over time and the eventual mental and physical struggle; a microcosm of life and death and re-birth. I went to Silverton Colorado for a 72 hour running race. I went very unsure that I could run 100 miles in 3 days, but it took all of each day yesterday to prove it to my ego.
No belt buckle for me, but a great showing for a flatlander. I ran 31 miles the first day and threw in the towel as day light waned. I went 24 miles the second day before my endocrine system shut down due to my fueling mistakes. I felt great the third day and went another 31 miles; stopping with a total of 86 miles, at 6 pm in the evening.
3 days. Total hours = 10.6 + 9 + 12.2 = 31.8 hours. Total miles = 31 + 24 + 31 = 86. Total feet climbed = 86 x 235 = 20,210 ft (omg, thats alot). And this brings me to the most major dilemma of the event: why not finish 100 miles and get the belt buckle? Real ultra runners would do that. I’ve already been treated like a loser because I didn’t do that. It is not like I couldn’t have done it. I certainly could have slowly walked another 7 hours until about 3 am, and finished 100 miles.
So I am both a winner (finished 86 miles) and a loser (didn’t finish 100 miles). This is what the Jester jokes to me about.
This is my first multi-day event. There are some awesome people here. Silverton is a beautiful place. I am still impressed at how mature most of the runners are. My age of 52 is about average with very few below age 45, some up into their 70s. We do have a couple of 10 year old boys running too. Two people from Hawaii age 61 and 63 are prolific ultra runners (I was able to look them up at Ultra signup). They made 114 miles total.
You know, each of us here is going through some sort of personal struggle and transformation. It is not really about finishing 100 miles to get a buckle. It is about your daily struggle to keep going to your own personal limits.
I sit quietly and ask my soul for an answer? Why did I come here? Why do I run? I guess the answer is in the fact that I go running again. I am an athlete. There seems to be no other answer than the two edged sword provided by the Jester: I am good enough/ I am not good enough.
The ego’s dilemma and always what the Jester points to: we are all fools, unknowingly naked in our strivings. We are unstoppable in our human endeavors, yet death stalks us all.
I would not trade the life of a distance runner for anything in the world. This life came with me into the convent and was efficacious in getting me kicked out of the convent. Running comes with me into contemplation and self transcendence. Running gets me out of bed each day.
The winner:
Monday, July 4, 2011
Personal Multi-day 2011, day 4 and 5
Day 4: Is it a multi-day if you decide to sleep in and then do cross training for your endurance? Not really I guess. After 3 days and 78 miles, I decided I knew where I was at fitness-wise, but that there was no need to push beyond the edge and injure myself. I also decided to let go. My Colorado running vacation to Silverton 1000 will be a running vacation regardless of whether I come home with a belt buckle or not.
Haha, yes, voluntarily let go of the trinket and focus on the meat; being the best athlete I can be. So on day4, the weights got lifted, the full range of core got completed and I otherwise used my ex-equipment. Oh, and sleeping is important too. Balance, an athlete must be balanced.
In the afternoon, I again thought of the Brownville half marathon to take place on Monday the 4th. Race starts at 7 am and is a 2 hour drive. I'd need to get up early. I was tired of long slow jogging in the sun.
I prayed to my inner self as I went to bed: help me to get up and have the courage to drive on back roads to Nebraska in the dark.
So I woke up at 2:40 and made it out of bed. It wasn't a terrible struggle, but I felt this icky resistance to the gift of energy I'd received in waking up. My whole life seems to be about overcoming these resistances.
I got to Brownville in plenty of time. It was a small town, but about 250 people from several surrounding states had showed up. The race was on two lane highways which seemed to always be uphill; and I did great at this. I finished in 1:57. I am so amazed at this. I spent 3 days running 78 miles in the hot sun. Another day cross training. And the final day I run a half marathon at a 9 min/mile pace; even though I never do a lick of speed work in my training.
Laying on my bed in the afternoon, I could feel the surging energy continuing to flow. In the aftermath of the race, the energy turned into a magnificent hope for success in all my life: spiritual, athletic and technical. The gift of energy to get out of bed was transformed into giving to all the undefined energy fields. The river was wide open flowing. The energy field is love. I knew I was loved because of the energy flow.
So thats the end of the most fabulous vacation. I loved this multi-day since it was not all drudgery. It was all love.
Haha, yes, voluntarily let go of the trinket and focus on the meat; being the best athlete I can be. So on day4, the weights got lifted, the full range of core got completed and I otherwise used my ex-equipment. Oh, and sleeping is important too. Balance, an athlete must be balanced.
In the afternoon, I again thought of the Brownville half marathon to take place on Monday the 4th. Race starts at 7 am and is a 2 hour drive. I'd need to get up early. I was tired of long slow jogging in the sun.
I prayed to my inner self as I went to bed: help me to get up and have the courage to drive on back roads to Nebraska in the dark.
So I woke up at 2:40 and made it out of bed. It wasn't a terrible struggle, but I felt this icky resistance to the gift of energy I'd received in waking up. My whole life seems to be about overcoming these resistances.
I got to Brownville in plenty of time. It was a small town, but about 250 people from several surrounding states had showed up. The race was on two lane highways which seemed to always be uphill; and I did great at this. I finished in 1:57. I am so amazed at this. I spent 3 days running 78 miles in the hot sun. Another day cross training. And the final day I run a half marathon at a 9 min/mile pace; even though I never do a lick of speed work in my training.
Laying on my bed in the afternoon, I could feel the surging energy continuing to flow. In the aftermath of the race, the energy turned into a magnificent hope for success in all my life: spiritual, athletic and technical. The gift of energy to get out of bed was transformed into giving to all the undefined energy fields. The river was wide open flowing. The energy field is love. I knew I was loved because of the energy flow.
So thats the end of the most fabulous vacation. I loved this multi-day since it was not all drudgery. It was all love.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Personal Multi-day 2011, day 3
Today, I again got up at 3, started running at 4. Finished 27 miles in 7 hours. I have brought myself to exhaustion. 78 miles on hills in 3 days.
3 pm- I wanted this. Being exhausted and in pain, I don’t ask why. I feel pain. It’s beyond reason and hence incomprehensible to the ego. Spiritually it is a humble kneeling position and gratitude for all that is. What? How could I write that?
In my spiritual study this morning, I realized how little I can count on my ego. That is related to the ability to get out of bed. Or eat/not-eat based on decisions. It’s amazing to discover how powerless I am over myself; how little will I have. I cannot rely on my ego for control. But there are times when I do accomplish a decision. These times I attribute to a cooperation with some inner power stronger than my ego: my soul. This multi-day is an experience of cooperation with my soul. No other way could I arise at 3 during vacation and spend so long in the heat. My ego fails at actually doing things; though it dreams magnificently.
Well, near the dawn hours this morning, I could connect with the presence of spiritual power around me. It wasn’t the Himalayas, or a beach at sunset or a primordial forest. It was a quiet suburban street in Missouri. This feeling of presence is why I have the dream of endless running.
After about 8, some dog walkers came out and other runners. People are starting to know me. They say hi and make me laugh with some joke. One runner noticed me take a gel, and this was the second time he passed me, he asked how long I was going to be out there. Another man who is always weed eating holds up fingers for how many times I have passed him.
Today, I felt better than yesterday and decided to run another lap. However, on the far side of the lap, I realized I didn’t have enough drink left (I really start guzzling as the day heats up). I decided to chance refilling my pak in a fountain. I haven’t got sick yet!
Now, my feet and legs feel good. I have no injuries, but as you might guess, things do hurt a bit after 27 miles. The hills and heat zap me. But I keep thinking: maybe I could run around the sanctuary a little tomorrow. I could sleep a little later since it is supposed to be a little cooler.
Wonder what will happen tomorrow?
3 pm- I wanted this. Being exhausted and in pain, I don’t ask why. I feel pain. It’s beyond reason and hence incomprehensible to the ego. Spiritually it is a humble kneeling position and gratitude for all that is. What? How could I write that?
I don’t know, it’s just what came out. Now, I must go dunk my feet in cold water, wait for the flames to go out and reflect some more.
4:30 pm – Post eating, sleeping and iced foot bath, the dream of endless running returns. The impossible dream, to remain unfulfilled. Is it some defect of character? What is its meaning? Approval? Validation? Would I finally be good enough? Personally, I don’t think it’s a character defect. I think it’s the feeling of my soul. I think it is the feeling of an eternal love, which I express by endless running.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Personal Multi-day 2011, day 2
Started at 3:48 am. I completely filled my hydro-pak with ice, EAS soy protein and Heed.
Very decent 24 miles this morning in 80F (27C) going up heat. I felt better than yesterday, especially at the end. Well, I went 3 miles more yesterday, but walked more. Now, a few hours later, my legs feel better than yesterday.
Anyway, what’s this doing? Helping me believe in myself. If that’s all I get out of such a humiliating bunch of statistics and wasted time, then humongously worth it. For a woman of experience and long time self-responsibility, I sure have no confidence apart from the safety blanket of other's approval.
During the run today, I was remembering the last time I saw my mother; and feeling guilty about it. And then remembering the money conversation with Sister Pat, while I was in Sand Springs. And then remembering how I wanted to be St Francis when I was 23 and give all my money away. Part of my hope in joining a monastic order was to completely give away all my money. What that really means, in today's reflection, is giving away responsibility for my life.
And then realizing how afraid I am at work that I’ll be found out for a individual/non-team player, and asked to leave. Boy, do I depend on the approval of others for my safety.
Related to others approval, others approve of training for racing and winning. The nonsense of the ultra slow long run cannot be explained and does seem like a waste to my colleagues. In fact, I've been told: there are more important things than running. But not if running is my spiritual expression and spirituality is my number one interest. I haven't been able to explain this to my colleagues.
I was remembering my past and feelings of fear which govern my life and integrating that with the nonsense of a personal multi-day and Colorado multi-day where I win a belt buckle. And, in that context of thoughts, I realized how my life needs to be free.
Later, I thought, "I feel like an albatross flying a long slow journey to freedom." I had a vision of a large slow bird flapping its way free of the earth. Like those big old planes so aptly called flying albatross. So I googled "albatross around your neck" and got this: The word 'albatross' is sometimes used metaphorically to mean a psychological burden that feels like a curse.
My unique, experience filled, solitary life is both a curse and a possibility of freedom. I've always lived in the curse.
Long distance runs are time for reflection. And if you are careful, you can catch thoughts which are usually unnoticed, like about my mother or Sr Pat or fear. Connecting this to the albatross, I can see how I am working on freedom as I complete an amazing but seemingly useless exercise.
What Zen exercise was not seemingly useless; yet you realized later how deep and valuable it really was?
My life is not really my own. I am aware of this in some way. My life is a waste in the worldly sense and I allow this because I think all lives are useless. I can’t think of anything to do but keep studying spiritual masters, run, work, reflect.
Freedom from bondage is freedom from the fear of others, and belief in the inner spirit.
Part of what I am learning this multi-day is how it feels to put out maximum effort several days in a row. Also, even if my paces are slow, part of ultra training is time in the heat and on hills. Doing the time in a comfortable gym is physical training but not the right kind of mental training. Marathoners do long runs, probably faster. Ultra marathoners do long runs, and then do another the next day. For a multi-day, I need to be mentally prepared and physically confident that I can run mega miles 3 days in a row. Hence, conservation of energy and low impact speeds are necessary for me.
Maybe I’ll have more to say on my thoughts later. Thoughts matter and I am glad to have caught my mind in some of its secret ways.
Here already is another thought: I want to have an original thought, or a "real" thought as A Course in Miracles would call it. Maybe I do have real thoughts, but they are buried under past thoughts, or not noticed. Wow, that would be cool: to notice a real thought!
I am running for my life.
Very decent 24 miles this morning in 80F (27C) going up heat. I felt better than yesterday, especially at the end. Well, I went 3 miles more yesterday, but walked more. Now, a few hours later, my legs feel better than yesterday.
Anyway, what’s this doing? Helping me believe in myself. If that’s all I get out of such a humiliating bunch of statistics and wasted time, then humongously worth it. For a woman of experience and long time self-responsibility, I sure have no confidence apart from the safety blanket of other's approval.
During the run today, I was remembering the last time I saw my mother; and feeling guilty about it. And then remembering the money conversation with Sister Pat, while I was in Sand Springs. And then remembering how I wanted to be St Francis when I was 23 and give all my money away. Part of my hope in joining a monastic order was to completely give away all my money. What that really means, in today's reflection, is giving away responsibility for my life.
And then realizing how afraid I am at work that I’ll be found out for a individual/non-team player, and asked to leave. Boy, do I depend on the approval of others for my safety.
Related to others approval, others approve of training for racing and winning. The nonsense of the ultra slow long run cannot be explained and does seem like a waste to my colleagues. In fact, I've been told: there are more important things than running. But not if running is my spiritual expression and spirituality is my number one interest. I haven't been able to explain this to my colleagues.
I was remembering my past and feelings of fear which govern my life and integrating that with the nonsense of a personal multi-day and Colorado multi-day where I win a belt buckle. And, in that context of thoughts, I realized how my life needs to be free.
Later, I thought, "I feel like an albatross flying a long slow journey to freedom." I had a vision of a large slow bird flapping its way free of the earth. Like those big old planes so aptly called flying albatross. So I googled "albatross around your neck" and got this: The word 'albatross' is sometimes used metaphorically to mean a psychological burden that feels like a curse.
My unique, experience filled, solitary life is both a curse and a possibility of freedom. I've always lived in the curse.
Long distance runs are time for reflection. And if you are careful, you can catch thoughts which are usually unnoticed, like about my mother or Sr Pat or fear. Connecting this to the albatross, I can see how I am working on freedom as I complete an amazing but seemingly useless exercise.
What Zen exercise was not seemingly useless; yet you realized later how deep and valuable it really was?
My life is not really my own. I am aware of this in some way. My life is a waste in the worldly sense and I allow this because I think all lives are useless. I can’t think of anything to do but keep studying spiritual masters, run, work, reflect.
Freedom from bondage is freedom from the fear of others, and belief in the inner spirit.
Part of what I am learning this multi-day is how it feels to put out maximum effort several days in a row. Also, even if my paces are slow, part of ultra training is time in the heat and on hills. Doing the time in a comfortable gym is physical training but not the right kind of mental training. Marathoners do long runs, probably faster. Ultra marathoners do long runs, and then do another the next day. For a multi-day, I need to be mentally prepared and physically confident that I can run mega miles 3 days in a row. Hence, conservation of energy and low impact speeds are necessary for me.
Maybe I’ll have more to say on my thoughts later. Thoughts matter and I am glad to have caught my mind in some of its secret ways.
Here already is another thought: I want to have an original thought, or a "real" thought as A Course in Miracles would call it. Maybe I do have real thoughts, but they are buried under past thoughts, or not noticed. Wow, that would be cool: to notice a real thought!
I am running for my life.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Personal Multi-day 2011, day 1
I got up at 3 am and did my spiritual study of Brunton. Then started my running. First, in 3h25, I jogged 14.04 miles. Then a pit stop at my apartment. Then, another 3h46 of really slow jog and walk for 13.1 miles. Total of 27.11 miles in 7h11. All of this was on the hills of Riverside.
Training expands the physical capability. In my craw sticks a need to prove it is also viable spiritually.
I need to get beyond what is said by others, and find my own spirit.
The power behind getting out of bed and continuing the endeavor might be my main proof of spiritual involvement.
I just read last year’s July multi-day report. I am beyond where I was.
I am doing it my way. I am doing what I need to do.
It is now 4:20 pm and I am sure I’ll be able to walk tomorrow! I just walked in the 98F heat over to my mail box and back. So I know tomorrow will be ok, after more recovery and a warmup.
I am alone in my apartment so I can think about the Why? question.
I run a lot everyday. A high level of fitness enables racing; but it also enables a personal multi-day. Personal multi-days are the high point. They mean more to me than races. They are a unique melding of ego deflation, prayer, contemplation, mental inventory and rest.
In a way, the personal multi-day calls into question all of my spirituality. The private unofficial nature of a personal multi-day is a replica of my spiritual study and growth. My only official spiritual training could be considered retreats in the monastery where I spent several days with a true spiritual master. Outside of the monastery (the other 30 years of spiritual study) has been on my own. I have grown. My running has grown over the years too.
How humbling it is to complete a personal multi-day of 100 miles and not get a t-shirt. How humbling to have friends and colleagues react with scorn or misunderstanding. Feeling misunderstood is a constant source of growth for me. So in a way, the personal multi-day is an instigator of growth.
Completing a personal multi-day requires small decisions. Like today, my only goal was to make it out of bed when the alarm went off. No further goal was set; but I secretly knew, if I don’t get out of bed, it will be too hot to go outside and run. And then, for the second part of the run, the only goal was to go back outside and walk. No running required. After another 2.5 hours, I realized that I had to quit any sort of jogging and just walk, or there’d be no tomorrow. Knowing when to walk.period, is important.
My intention for each and every thing I do, each and every day, is the spiritual conversation, the task of knowing my soul. The personal multi-day is just a venue which I use. It’s not more important than the daily go-to-work spirituality; but it is different.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
The Task - To Receive....
....the Gift. The Gift is Endurance. Endurance is my soul What other characteristic would be proper for a soul, which has existed since before Abraham was.
All it takes is getting out of bed at a properly early hour tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I'm worried about that. Will I? Do I have the connection to the soul which will get me up?
How humiliating to realize I want to receive my soul's gift but may be unable to overcome my own sloth. And further, that I would justify my sloth; somehow saying that it was meant to be.
The only thing is to be silent. Still the thoughts. Wait. Drink the clear water as it flows from my heart. Love begotten; and in patience I run.
I sit in premonition. I ponder this prelude. I hope. I pray. I kneel. I bow my head. I realize I don't know God and don't have a clue and am powerless over the mish-mash of ego thoughts which are all I ever have.
All it takes is getting out of bed at a properly early hour tomorrow. As a matter of fact, I'm worried about that. Will I? Do I have the connection to the soul which will get me up?
How humiliating to realize I want to receive my soul's gift but may be unable to overcome my own sloth. And further, that I would justify my sloth; somehow saying that it was meant to be.
The only thing is to be silent. Still the thoughts. Wait. Drink the clear water as it flows from my heart. Love begotten; and in patience I run.
I sit in premonition. I ponder this prelude. I hope. I pray. I kneel. I bow my head. I realize I don't know God and don't have a clue and am powerless over the mish-mash of ego thoughts which are all I ever have.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Be Not Afraid...
....I go before you always.
Its a Christian hymn right? But to me, I think of the who-goes-before-me as my soul or inner self or Self.
This morning was beautifully cool with no thunder storms today. I had some extra time so I ran for 90 minutes and this song is what popped into my head. I am also thinking a great deal about my 5 day weekend. I have a personal multi-day planned. A big question is my character. Can I step up to the plate of self transcendence because I want to; even with out a formal race environment? Will the inner person get me out of bed?
It will be hot and sunny this weekend. Getting started early will matter. I have planned out what and how. Execution is whats left.
Execution powered from within is what many lack. Lack of execution apart from a group is the reason why St Benedict started monasteries. He said that most don't have the inner strength to do something on their own, but will do it in the safety of the group. And that is why monasteries follow rules: to ensure they execute their plan.
So Thursday morning, when the alarm goes off, that is my personal private starting line for self transcendence.
Be not afraid.....I will set you free (is how the refrain ends).
Its a Christian hymn right? But to me, I think of the who-goes-before-me as my soul or inner self or Self.
This morning was beautifully cool with no thunder storms today. I had some extra time so I ran for 90 minutes and this song is what popped into my head. I am also thinking a great deal about my 5 day weekend. I have a personal multi-day planned. A big question is my character. Can I step up to the plate of self transcendence because I want to; even with out a formal race environment? Will the inner person get me out of bed?
It will be hot and sunny this weekend. Getting started early will matter. I have planned out what and how. Execution is whats left.
Execution powered from within is what many lack. Lack of execution apart from a group is the reason why St Benedict started monasteries. He said that most don't have the inner strength to do something on their own, but will do it in the safety of the group. And that is why monasteries follow rules: to ensure they execute their plan.
So Thursday morning, when the alarm goes off, that is my personal private starting line for self transcendence.
Be not afraid.....I will set you free (is how the refrain ends).
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