Saturday, July 30, 2016

Self Transcendence 42/52

It is a Saturday. I transcended myself by sleeping in instead of doing miles. I was rewarded with dreams. I was also rewarded with extra spiritual reflection time since I wasn't doing miles.

July 29, 2007 was the first time I began reading the text of A Course in Miracles. I started it for the 10th time this year on July 27. This morning, I read a couple of paragraphs in chapter 1. I was able to ponder their meaning in light of today's fears and egoism. It is possible I could heal my heart. I believe that in gaining inner reality of love, the world itself will have more love. But some of my perceptions still need healing.

As for the runners in the 3,100 Mile Self Transcendence Race some are doing great with real miles and others are struggling. I have pondered how that must feel. Especially if it is your third time at the race but the first 2 times were easy and you did finish 3,100 miles by the dead line. It forces you to reconsider the meaning of life.

I consider the meaning of life all the time. I can sit in my cushy job and make money for retirement; but I don't like all the people. I look at my ego's heartlessness and ponder. I look to something higher to heal my heart. Here is something from ACIM text 1.IV. 1 and 1.V.3: "...When you have become willing to hide nothing, you will not only be willing to enter into communion but also understand peace and joy...unless you fully recognize your complete dependence on God, you cannot know the real power of the Son in his true relationship with the Father."

Today, my workout will be inside as I ponder these things. I feel humility and gratitude for these thoughts.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Self Transcendence 36/52

Several of the runners in the 3,100 Mile Self Transcendence Race are having trouble. Some who have finished it several times before are struggling. Yet they keep going; even knowing that on day 52, midnight, they won't be at 3,100 miles. It seems sad. Why don't they quit?

Because it is the inner miles and not the outer miles that matter. The actual number of material world miles, 3,100, does not judge the number of inner miles. Any one of us can cross a universe instantly.

I myself have always compared my state of enlightenment to what gurus write in their books. I wonder why I haven't had a bright light experience. (Well, I haven't taken LSD for one thing.) But when I look at my inner miles, I see I am OK.

I had an unusual week. Monday I had to fast all day and then drink some poison to clean out my colon. Tuesday I had a colonoscopy. Wednesday I met my energy healer in the energy plane and on the phone. Thursday my car got whapped by a chunk of metal on the freeway and I filed an insurance claim. Friday was pretty normal: I worked from home. While at home, I tried out my new pressure cooker. A pressure cooker is a decent analogy for cooking spiritual growth. That is, creating an environment where spiritual ideas can be cooked quickly rather than taking a lifetime to figure them out.

Today, I decided to give up heat related ailments and do my running inside on the treadmill. So also, I slept in very late. And I have time now to write this blog.

I am finishing a book by Paul Brunton. I have read 18 of his books in the past 8 or so years. He is a philosopher of both east and west. He best explains the nature of reality as thought and oneness. I am a person who thinks alot. I may look like I am training for a race, but actually, I am thinking about things. I am integrating my life experiences with what I know of truth. Rightly motivated exercise can be a pressure cooker for spiritual ideas, Thought. So can illness or calamity, but I prefer the consciously generated environment.

Only 16 more days of Self Transcendence retreat.

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Self Transcendence 31/52

Colonoscopy over: My bowels are completely healthy and no issues.

I guess my inner bowels are doing well also.

Reflection: This just came to me: The essence of the world is Love. And you should know, when I left the monastery in 2003, I received these words from my intuitive self, "Love is the predominate mode of existence."

I am able to participate analytically in the evolution of humankind. I have both the scientific and spiritual education. This is why I am not locked in a monastic choir stall or on a cushion in an ashram. But I have never accepted my role as equal to those granted special places, like religious sisters or gurus. I need to accept myself. I wanted consciousness and I got it. I need to stop being pissed that it didn't come with a white light experience or flowing robes.

I am serving others whether I like it or not.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

Self Transcendence 29/52

If you are a student of metaphysics or philosophy or A Course in Miracles (ACIM) you may have heard, "you create your own reality." In ACIM and the philosophy of Paul Brunton, it is clearly explained that reality is a projection. The projection does not come from the brain inside your head because that is part of the projection. It comes from the mind; which some do not agree exists but I am a believer in a higher mind.

I am getting to a startling realization I had today. I was reading one of Paul Brunton's books, and allowing my consciousness to expand into the universe; and suddenly it struck me. Pokeman is a perfect image of how I see other people. From there, I was able to understand the ACIM encouragement to take your consciousness above the battle field. It is so easy to see. Bigger Mind, which is my real mind, is the observer holding and watching the smart phone. My little ego mind is the smart phone. And yes, my ego mind sees other humans a objects to be blown away (for the most part). I am not a psychopath to admit this; it is just outside the social contract to admit this.

I have broken the social contract in many ways, like being a vegetarian, non-drinker, non-sexual, non-feminine, non-religious, non-TV-watcher, etc.

What else have I projected? I am willing to admit that, like most humans, I am fascinated by mass killings. Are you willing to admit you projected those activities? The ordinary unconscious person living in a material world instead of a metaphysical one cannot possibly take responsibility for projecting mass killings. But a ACIM student must.

I also take responsibility for the political situation. Donald Trump is the only person on earth who can a) shake up the old white men of the GOP and b) beat Hillary Clinton. So he had to be projected. The fact that the old white men need to be shaken up is my projection too. They are my own rigid ego.

A few weeks ago, I read a story about a woman dying of colon cancer, how unspiritual it was, and how she wished she had got a colonoscopy. Then, googling around, I learned that I have none of the risk factors for colon cancer but also it is a top 3 fatal disease. I realized that I had just projected something. I would have a niggling fear in my system unless I did something. So I embarked on a project of finding a doctor and someone to drive me around; and the colonoscopy is scheduled for Tuesday. Metaphysically, I am searching the bowels of my being for dis-ease.

Cancer is not God's fault. In fact, I'm pretty sure there is no God. Only consciousness, Bigger Mind. It is easy for me to expand my mind to encompass the universe and energy.

Today, I woke up at 4 and got up at 4:40. Hence, I had a nice time for spiritual study and I got to the park at 6. I ran first to the new forest and then to Pine Gully. The view of the sunrise over Galveston Bay was great. Then I got back to Meador Park before the sun hit the trail along Todville road. Then I ran mostly in the shade for another 3 hours.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Self Transcendence 26/52

It is the half way point of my self transcendence retreat. This retreat inspired by the 3,100 mile self transcendence race, which has a 52 day time limit. Here

I realize that for my entire life I have wanted "more." Not of material things but of consciousness. I got some idea of enlightenment, but it was others descriptions. I tried their techniques and didn't get it.

Sometimes I think of those pictures which used to be popular: If you looked at the picture, all you saw was a muddy mess of color, but if you somehow glanced sideways, you saw a picture. I was never able to resolve one of these pictures. That is sort of how I feel about enlightenment.

Over the years I've studied many books and realized that some of what they said was the same thing. But the past 2 days, reading one of Paul Brunton's books, I finally seem to get how I am projecting my world. How it was my ideas and consciousness which came first.

The universe breathes with me. That is what I thought today.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Self Transcendence 22/52

Self Transcendence does not stop. It does not wait.

Yesterday, I was thinking how many of my mental conversations are somehow "at" my boss; as if he was God or something. Once aware of this, I could see it pop up over and over. It makes me sick to think I am living my life in front of that guy as if he was a mirror. How do I have a different consciousness?

Then when I was running today, other people at work we popping into my mental dialog, including my various emotions towards each one of them. Contrast that to my morning meditation which had been a reading from Paul Brunton about how the body and its feeling sense is no different that this pen I am using to write. The explanation of how we project things was so clear, I momentarily completely understood how thoughts create reality, and reality is an illusion.

Trouble is, I just can't go about the physical world with that awareness. Today, while running I was in a small tree covered park. I could look forward from time to time and just be conscious. Running these little laps, I had no need of time or space. I could just be; until some person from work popped back into my mind.

Is self transcendence having some different consciousness? Or is it just being at peace. The more I seem to grow spiritually, the less I have of concrete explanations of what it is exactly. I want to be spiritual, but from a sub-atomic-physics and a neuro-science point of view, there is nothing.

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Self Transcendence 21/52

Three weeks into this retreat. I can't say that some big burden like fasting is added to my life during this time. Mostly I look at the race statistics and videos and blogs; then think about what does self transcendence mean to me today.

What race? This one: 3100 Mile race

I had alot of excitement during the last 21 days what with a big work event, then going to a triple marathon last weekend. This weekend, I am quietly at home. I got up at 4:30 this morning and got in almost 10 miles of jogging before hanging it up. Already the real feel was 102F.

Right now, I am leaving space for God in my life; for somehow making a spiritual connection. I need a vital spiritual experience. But I also need a nap.

At least I did the weed eating already and groceries have been bought.

Peace permeates my soul. It turns out that spirituality is not some huge emotional trip. It is silence. It is miles. I got no answers to anything. Let the balls fall down.

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Self Transcendence 18/52

I am home now, doing laundry and buying food. This morning I had time for a good long reflection. I thought, " I went to Oregon. Instead of driving around and looking at natural beauty, I ran 3 marathons and looked inside at my soul's beauty."

Thoreau went to Walden Pond. I went to Portland.

Here is a picture of the many people doing the triple:

Monday, July 4, 2016

Self Transcendence 16/52

Well! What a miracle!

If self transcendence is going beyond yourself, then that happened today. Even though I walked for 90 seconds/ ran for 3.5 minutes, I finished a marathon just under 5 hours clock time (4:55 garmin time which doesn't include the 3 pit stops). Not just "a" marathon, but my 3rd marathon in 3 days.

Incredible. I was nearly sprinting for the 3.5 minutes of run.

I am in a place which has beautiful mountains all around. The views are described as stunning. However, today was cloudy, cool, breezy. No great vistas but great running weather. No vistas in this world, but vistas of my heart and soul.

This was a big race. Usually in a big race, many people are doing 5 hour marathons. That is less than 12 minute miles. But in this race, I was very lonely for most of it. So it wasn't the excitement of other runners that pushed me. It was purely an inner decision.

At first I thought, "isn't it stupid to be running like this when this is day 3 of a triple?" I mean, what if I have an injury? I decided to just see how things went. It turns out that they kept speeding up. And after 20 miles when I should have started slacking, I just kept on with the sprinting.

I thought about the self transcendence race and how they said that they were in so much pain they had to focus on the spiritual. Mine was the opposite. I felt so much energy that I couldn't focus on the physical. I read in A Course in Miracles this morning, "give up all self deceptions." My self deceptions are thinking I can't cut loose with running; or allowing negative thinking to interfere with energy flow.

To know that this can happen every time I allow it makes the airfare and 5 nights in a hotel worth it. To have this view of my soul is worth the money.

I'll probably have more to say after a nap.

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Self Transcendence 15/52

Firecracker Triple day 2: Stars and Stripes marathon

This morning, as I was reading a Course in Miracles lesson, it said, "Give Him your thoughts."  What thoughts? My right foot hurts.

Then I thought, "What would life be like if  thoughts were more than _____?"  More than the mundane worries I go about with most of the time. Then I thought, "Prayer;" that today should be a day of prayer.

Lesson: The power of decision is my own.

I decided I didn't want any more dregs today. I want happiness, joy, peace thru the marathon. For a second I wondered if I had to quit the race to get this. Then I thought, "The triple is the new normal." Running is about energy and love, not physical st all. Victory is the only option.

Then I drove to the race. Today turned out to be cool and cloudy. The course was easier than yesterday. My foot felt better with a change of shoes and insoles. But most of all, my mind was not fighting me. In fact, I spent most of the race humming my these song: Let Your Love Flow, by the Bellamy Brothers. A video is here

I was using my normal 3x2 run walk pattern. I felt good is the main thing. I wasn't thinking about anything too much. The laps were 3.28 miles and they seemed to be going by quickly. One time when I looked at my Garmin during a run segment, I noticed. the speed was 10 something. I couldn't believe it. I looked again and it was still pretty fast. Truth is, when I was running, I was not holding back very much. My natural speed was fine. Nothing was hurting. I kept singing my song and going fast.

And that it it. I finished in 5:50 by my Garmin (no pit stops). That's 15 min faster than yesterday. Even coming back to my hotel, I'm in better shape than yesterday. It is a mystery such a day as today.

Tomorrow is day 3 of the triple. Hope I have something left.

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Self Transcendence 14/52

Sopan said, "Physically (in 2014) I did not do well.  But because of that I had a very profound spiritual experience.  Because I could focus only on the spiritual.  The physical did not matter anymore." Sopan is one of the athletes in the 3,100 Mile Race.

I am getting ready to do a marathon today. No race, just finish. I am in a beautiful area, but focused on the business of marathons. Somehow I need a moment to stop and wonder. Maybe its not enough to gaze at a mountain from the window of an airplane. The whole area looked smoggy anyway.

I can feel the root and ground of my being here in my hotel room. I will feel it again on the marathon course. Once again I'll be facing myself as I do the miles. Every time, there is The Wall.

Lesson 151: All things are echoes of the Voice for God.

The details: get dressed carefully, pack all the little things, know where you are going. Where am I going spiritually?


Now it is post race, but still 14/52. Today was a hard fought marathon. 6 laps in a beautiful course with many trees. It was hard fought because for the first 3 laps, my mind was not accepting the mission for this weekend. Shouldn't I be out driving around trying to see great vistas instead of running laps? Other people are. Here I am running marathons. It is easier to run a triple marathon in an ugly place like Dallas than this beautiful place where I am. It was an energy wasting distraction.

But because of that distraction I got to experience what marathons are all about, drinking your dregs. In whatever way it is possible for me to discount myself, it will come forth as the miles add up. And in a triple marathon, there is also the excuse making as I ponder whether or not I can actually complete 3 marathons.

Drinking the dregs of your ego and continuing to carry out the marathons is self transcendence. There is not really any outer glory to running 3 marathons. In the dregs of my ego is a whiny quitter cheater. And so, I'll be taking care of myself this evening and tomorrow I'll be back on the course.

On my last lap, I thanked the huge old trees for being there for me.

Friday, July 1, 2016

Self Transcendence 13/52

Yes it is still my Self Transcendence retreat. To understand what I am doing, the links are on the blog 1/52. I have journalled daily about self transcendence but only blogged sometimes.

A retreat is a period of special spiritual focus; just as a Muslim does Ramadan or a Catholic does Lent. I am doing Self Transcendence.

Today I begin a 6 day vacation. I am doing 3 marathons starting tomorrow. Today, I slept very late and sat with my philosophical book for a long time. I had time to ask myself, "What self transcendence?" I had some ideas I've never had before.

When I was a child, I saw many commercials about "Go climb a rock." I can't remember what that was for. If I google it now, it seems to be about Yosemite National Park. In a child's imagination, the saying stuck as an aspiration for more, to achieve in some way. The drive to succeed can be found in me. Since my early 20s I've wanted a spiritual achievement. The ideas that reality is an illusion and the desire for knowing my higher self have been there since late 20s.  In my middle 20s, I realized the corporate achievement was not going to work for me. I don't seem to be a gifted athlete, but I have pursued physical achievement all my life; except in 2004 or so, my running became spiritual due to the 3,100 Mile Self Transcendence Race.

What mountain am I climbing? It is an abstract mountain. This morning I had a new thought: What if I was born with the metaphysical and spiritual knowledge that medieval spiritualists received as an emotional sledge hammer, so that it doesn't seem so outrageous to me?  If that is true, then I'm already at the top of that mountain and there is some other mountain I want to climb. If I look out in my world, can I find reflections of inner mountain climbing?


Somehow my spiritual metaphysical work is gaining energy, transforming energy. My inner world seems more at peace lately. My outer world is successful in material ways. However, I still want more spiritual consciousness. I still want a higher view. But I need to stop looking at the old methods. I need to transform these old methods. This had to be the reason I've learned so much about various old methods. And the reason I know how to integrate. I need to push the integration forward, to make that quantum leap into a new orbital.

At the physical 3,100 mile self transcendence race, I notice that several people are doing more miles than they have in previous years. This is my affirmation that I myself can transcend.