As I struggle with problems, it is so awesome to me that I have non-painful ways to work out. Gratitude is a wonderful thing.
The gratitude started yesterday evening. Now this morning, I am up early to go to a race: half marathon. It is day one of Seabrook race weekend. Tomorrow is another half marathon. Today's number is pinned on and I have on a new green race hat.
The gratitude allows me to balance problems with running and the bigger spiritual picture of what my life is for. I have to go deeper into all my reasons.
Last night, walking uphill on the treadmill with ankle weights, I pondered specialness. Specialness is a topic from a Course in Miracles. Maybe a member of AA would say "ego deflation at depth." In ACIM, it points out that the dream of this world is an attempt to be special to God (religious life is largely based on this); but no one can be special to God. So, the ego hated God and made the dream of this world.
My life is on a journey into less specialness. As I go in races just for fun, my ego is disgusted. My ego is ashamed. My ego is the specialness. But "I" am ok with anything. A day of smiling at people is fine with me.
I want to give up specialness. I want the peace of God. God dwells within. I need only look there and give up all else.