Dead Bugs

I just did some chores (2 pm). I put new string on the weed eater; which I won't need until next year. I swept up the dead bugs in the basement (grasshoppers). I vacuumed up the millions of dead lady bugs on the back porch.

I have had a totally discombobulated day. Jesus would tell me that is because I am resisting. I think it is because I don't understand the human side of human life, at least what I thought it was; and I am still learning to remember the spiritual joy which I always have. How can I forget the joy? My mind is split; lets face it.

So, I didn't sleep well and don't know why. The alarm went off at 3:35 because I wanted to pray and meditate before I decided anything else. Why so early? Because what I did was what I thought I would do the night before: I drove to the city at 5:15, went running in a park from 6:15 to 7:30, changed clothes in the car and went to church at 8.

I sat in church feeling the intangible God, but disconnected from the ritual form. That is, I was living in love as content; as well as hearing numerous cries for love. I was glad not to be full of judgment and left the door of my mind open for the Spirit to flow out. I left feeling tired and overwhelmed. I like people but can't relate very well to the average family's out look on life. And I don't know how to communicate the good news: God loves you.

I got a car wash and decided to come home instead of going to another fellowship. That way I could eat and nap before going to the monastery to meet with some people there. Good choice.