Daniel Day 40 - A New Beginning

From ACIM:

• You must receive the message you give because it is the message you want.
• ...whenever you see your brothers without it (the spark of God), you are denying God.
• Look with peace upon your brothers, and God will come rushing into your heart...

In AA, Step 10, we continued to take personal inventory... One of the great things about ACIM is it gives me a different facet every day about how to take my ego's inventory. Today, I made a list of the "messages" I'm giving. I made a long list of all the thoughts I have about other people. These thoughts are the messages I send and they are received and reflected back, even if unconsciously.

I want to stop. I look at all the despicable thoughts I have, admit their devestating effects, admit that they block me from love and God; and want to recoil from them as from a hot stove. With God's help I can. In AA, we turn our wills and our lives over to the care of God. In ACIM, I ask Jesus to guide my thinking.

In the Rule of Benedict, it says: This is the one who... has laid hold of his thoughts while they were still young and dashed them against Christ.

Yes! I take my inventory. Everyday I take these negative and painful thoughts and give them to Christ. I want my mind healed. Note, I seek healing for my thoughts while they are still young. But truly, my negative thoughts are ancient. I have been thinking negative stuff my whole life. Some people say they don't take their inventory because they beat themselves up. I rejoice and happily give my crap to Jesus. Then I am free.

Officially, my fast is over, but I have recalibrated and learned how and what to eat for world peace, spirituality and health. I wonder about my interest in the Rule of Benedict. May the spirits of Elijah, Daniel, John Baptist, Anna Prophetess and Jesus continue to walk with me (because I allowed their Love).

I realize that my Daniel Fast was a "thing" that is now passed into the realm of normal life; leaving its specialness behind. I go to work every day. I run every day. I pray every day. I have returned to the realm of "not special." How difficult it is to live day in and day out as "not special." When I live as "not special," it is because I want God to be my only focus. I want God to be my only satisfaction. How difficult it is to be "not special." Our culture teaches us to seek specialness: uniqueness, awards, accolades, titles, honor. People will even contradict me saying, "Oh Laura, yes you are special." As if it was wrong to be ordinary. As if a person can't be happy or healthy or have self esteem even though they are not special. After my Daniel Fast, I return to being ordinary, not special.