Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Daniel Day 30 - Still

I live in a small town. I was born in the big city, San Francisco, and lived most of my life in cities. So, small towns sometimes amaze me. Like today. I had expected the post office to deliver a package Friday or Saturday. By today it still had not arrived. I checked their web site and it said it had been delivered on the 3rd. Ummm...I don't have it.

I called the post office in town and told them this information. The man said he would have the supervisor look into it in the morning. An hour later, "special delivery." The mail lady who had been substituting for my vacationing regular carrier, Mitch, had delivered the package to the wrong house, some how retrieved it and now gave it to me. She was so sorry. I was happy to have my box. I also had to laugh inside. In the big city, I never would have seen that box.

The box contained organic nuts, seeds and dried fruit. I had been looking forward to biting into one of the succulent Calymira figs. I immediately cut open the box. But something stopped me from diving in: Daniel. I am on a Daniel Fast. I wasn't hungry. I wanted a fig just to have a dainty to appease my pallet and kill time.

Now, three hours later, I still have not ate. I am not hungry, yet feel the habitual desire to eat. The need to eat is false. Do I dare stare it down? Do I dare ignore the programming and conditioning? What if I just didn’t respond? What if I didn’t believe it? If I want to eat frugal and live austere, I have to stop the idle munching. I have to face the fear. It is one of those push comes to shove moments: do I want to be like John the Baptist? Do I want to cower in fear of habitual societal programming?

I want to learn about myself and see what makes me tick. This moment is one of those opportunities. I know this denial of food would appal some, frighten some and I would be accused of insanity. But, I want to know what controls me. I want Spirit to be my Guide. I want to live outside the box and by Spiritual standards; so challenging the food status quo enrages my ego and I get to learn how it operates. What a valuable thing; I get to learn.

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