I said recently that I was determined to remember God in this lifetime. More than ten years ago, I said I want to shamelessly follow Jesus. The Spirit’s response seemed to be to live a life of prayer. This morning as I started A Course in Miracles (ACIM) text for the fifth time, I read that prayer is the medium of miracles. [But I caution you, a miracle is not what you have been taught in church or by society.] When I left the monastery, I had a revelation: Love is the predominant mode of existence.
So this morning, as I was doing my lesson, “I feel the Love of God within me now,” I knew I didn’t and I could only turn to Jesus for help. I wondered what barrier I have erected to keep the Love of God out of my awareness. I thought, “I so deeply don’t believe God loves me…so I have separated from God… and now I hate God and am afraid of Him.” This darkness can only be given to Jesus. How happy he is to take my errors in thinking and heal them.
Towards the end of my hour, I remembered my goal: to achieve the remembrance of God in THIS lifetime, now. Yet…how? Only by accepting Jesus’ help. Some ideas from the ACIM text, 1.I, filtered into my meditation (and I think they were intended to be Jesus’ help). I thought, in conjunction with my goal, “I am willing and insist on being spirit, allowing spirit to be my primary reality and spirit is my altar of truth.”
Then I went to lift weights. My desire to be spirit got mixed in with some thoughts about dieting; and I thought, “How do I keep promises to myself?” I saw the promise to be spirit and the promise to not over eat as one and the same.
I kept lifting weights and suddenly thought, “Spirit is the Love of God.” Ah hah! That is today’s lesson: I feel the love of God within me now. Feeling spirit, I feel the Love of God. They are the same. I know how to feel sprit. I think it is the Life Force within me. The Life Force is apparent and it is not ego. I can discern the difference. The Life Force is an energy and power, but it doesn’t really have words; whereas my ego is continuously shrieking and yammering and causing me to be hateful and afraid.
I went for a 6 mile run. No big deal. To be spirit is why I run, especially in the early morning. My running is so unspectacular. If you could see me plodding along, dreaming of finisher medals and age group awards, you would immediately think of how pathetic I am. But if my running is not about races but about experiencing the Life Force, then it makes sense. It is Life Force for which I live. To allow Life is to shamelessly follow Jesus, to live a life of constant prayer and to be Love, the predominant mode of existence. In constant prayer, I am the medium of miracles. As the medium, Jesus can work through me.
Personal statistics: yes, I am starting the ACIM text for the fifth time. The first time I read it, less than two years ago, it took me about two months to complete 669 pages. The fourth time I read it, it took about ten months. It would be a privilege if I can take even longer this time. But sometimes I get eager and run through the text gobbling its words like candy.
Spirit Flower. Spiritual athlete. Spirit of the Prairie.