Saturday, May 16, 2009

Acceptance of Oblivion - 146 days to Heartland Priairie

Today, I ran at marathon pace for 10.8 miles in the morning. In the evening, I lifted weights and walked for an hour.

As I walked, I thought about letting go of the outcome. My life is not about making sure I finish a 50 mile race. My life is about spirit. In my humanity, I must always let go and let some Power greater than myself care for my well being and plan for my edification. I must not limit this Power to giving me what I want.

So I faced oblivion. I have no idea where I will be on October 10; and even if I toe the starting line, the finish line is not guaranteed. And, actually, getting to the finish is not the point. I don't know what I need to learn. I don't know what insights I will be givien from my Inner Self. So I don't judge and assume that the best path for me is to finish the Heartland Prairie 50 miler.

I begin to live in a world made of faith. I do my training with no idea what for. In fact, there is no earthly good reason or objectively spiritual reason for running a 50 mile race. I don't know what for; but I see I could so I am giving it a shot. My faith is not that I will finish the race but that I will be given and guided in whatever way is best for me. I will not know why. I just listen and do what I think should be the next right thing.

What I am doing is not of real importance. This morning I got up at 4:30. After prayer, I made a green smoothie and headed 30 miles south to a town that has a Dillon's with great organic produce. Then, I headed another 20 miles south east to a fellowship meeting. Then I ran in the park. Then I came home and ate, posted to running mania, read and napped. Then I lifted weights and walked for an hour. Then I showered and ate some more.

What was in my mind? Almost always, the ultra. In between were thoughts of my ACIM lesson. Thoughts of food. There should be more in my mind than eating and running. I expect higher orders of thought for myself. But honestly, I live at this low level; except for when I stop to ponder that Power.

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