In the past, I have tried to explore my inner drive which shows up as a runner/athlete. I am not training for anything right now, but I am still a runner/athlete. What does that mean? I’m just interested in fitness? Or is there something else? I decided to take “being a runner” out of the material and physical world and explore its power in depth. The thing which runs and lifts weights and rides the bike is an inner drive, a force. Indeed, it is this force that gets out of bed in the morning. This force never slept because it is not really a physical being but spirit.
Today, I feel this force could only be joy and peace, seeking love. The force’s real goal is God; not a personal best in a race or success in career or tons of money and fame. It cares nothing about these worldly things. It is easy to confuse goals and think the force wants success because when success occurs, my ego jumps in a produces happy emotions. This ego reaction has nothing to do with the force or truth. Worldly things are useless except as they are learning tools and experiences to lead me to God.
I am not training for a marathon, but I want to keep the inner force alive and empowering me towards God. I stop and consider God a moment: the holy presence everywhere. I ponder the reality of this silent subtle presence which I find whenever I stop to consider it. No matter what I think I see out there, there is only God.
Who is the root and ground of my being? Who is the force that keeps pushing me to God? My life is my essence, my core, my root, my heart; which is not in my body. This life, the force, is not mine alone. I am merely part of it and a partaker in it. The force of my life is Christ, The Son of God, whose life lives in me. Christ is the athlete and the driving force. Essentially, there is no me, only Him.
The life of Christ is not some stuffy religious concept of morality you find in a church. It is vitality and aliveness and vibrant energy. It is deepest satisfaction. I think of deeper joys than winning an award or getting a bunch of money. Christ is both cause and effect. He is my desire beyond orgasm and the fulfillment of that desire. He is never ending. He is my life eternal. He is my safety beyond locked doors and strong men. He is my body beyond health or cancer and over eating and old age.
I know Christ because I have stopped my outward searching and looked within. I know Christ because I recognize Him in all life.
Christ is the One who spoke through the man Jesus; and who speaks in me today. “I am the resurrection and the life. He who lives in me never dies.” “I am the way the truth and the life.” “I am the bread of life. Unless you eat my body and drink my blood, you have not life in you.” “I am the Son of God.” This was not Jesus talking but the Christ in him.
Christ is the runner in me; not a winner of races but a phenomenal life force. To deny His life is to pretend I myself am glorious for running fast or long, impressing my friends and having better health than everyone else. To live His life is to honor the power as His, live it and humbly give up my life to it. What would I choose to give up (sacrifice): my personal glory or His infinite GLORY? He lives in me whether I know it or not. The choice is mine. Because I want to know Christ, I choose to sacrifice my ego glory. Would I live without Him? Or would I allow Him to live in me? Truth is only Him. I would not live as a sham, an imposter, an ego who has usurped Christ; an ego seeking for itself and destroying all around me.
I allow Christ, honor Christ and consciously let Him live. Do I look different? No. Do I eat and sleep and do the dishes? Yes. The only difference is I know it is Christ, not me who lives here.