Sunday, May 17, 2009

Day 145

Personal Statistics: Today I finished the ACIM Text for the fourth time. On the day of my 50 mile race, 145 days from now, I should be on workbook lesson 324. Here is the prayer from that lesson:

"Father, You are the One Who gave the plan for my salvation to me. You have set the way I am to go, the role to take, and every step in my appointed path. I cannot lose the way. I can but choose to wander off a while, and then return. Your loving Voice will always call me back, and guide my feet aright. … Yet I merely follow in the way to You, as You direct me and would have me go."

I will memorize it sometime soon. I like how it speaks of “path” and one step at a time and that I cannot lose the way. This would be an appropriate prayer for a 50 mile race.

Today I traveled for about 5 hours at “ultra-marathon pace” (that is jogging down and walking up). It was hilly. It started out cool but ended in the 60s. 12 laps at 2 miles a lap. I put rocks on a fence post to keep track. I ate 1,280 worth of calories in Succeed drink, Gu and a peanut butter/honey sandwich on wheat. I ran the last 4 miles a little faster because I had no serious aches.

After the first hour, I had two realizations. First, walk up the hills with determination and put some effort into it. Training to walk at high speed is just as important as running for an ultra-marathoner. Don’t just go to sleep because you are walking. Second, don’t allow your thinking to dwell on the future; come back to today. I was worrying about what I would wear on October 10. I was wondering if I should go in the Heart of America marathon on September 7. I was trying to decide if I should change my shoes at the halfway point of the Psycho Psummer 50k in July, because I know they’ll be totally mud soaked. I thought about how slow I’ll be at the Maryville marathon on June 13. I even though about how much to run for my personal multi-days starting this Thursday.

But all of this is nonsense. I returned to the now, and let God control each and every foot step and breath. All of this is the future; it is not the now. I need to impose mental discipline as much as anything; so I took up my mantra. I breathed in the word God and breathed out the word Love. After about the second hour, I realized there is no need for me to have any other thoughts than God/Love. It made me remember the book written by an anonymous 13th century monk, “The Cloud of Unknowing.” Many people read this book and take it as their guide to contemplation. However, this monk was steeped in the belief that sin exists so he suggested God/sin as the two words. How horrid to keep sin ever before your eyes. There is no sin. Let it go.

Silence was all around me and the only reality is “God is.” Aware of the silence, I became the Christ in me; who lives and breathes only the Presence of His Father.

Now, at home, I have showered, the laundry is washing, I’ve had my green smoothie and I’m about to start on green tea and beans with rice.

I have to contemplate: why?

I am determined to remember God in this lifetime. Therefore, everything I do is framed in Christ vision. Everything is contemplation of the non-physical reality. Everything is “lectio” and “conversatio” (monastic terms). Everything is living ultra-sobriety: the humility of oblivion and the acceptance of love. In the park’s silence, I heard the sound of the wind. God was speaking His non-words in the wind. The yellow breast of the meadow lark caught my eye. God was speaking in the color of reflected light. A solitary bird called out. God was speaking in the language of creation; the celebration of Life. Life was pure. Life was the possession-less existence. Life is the solitary walking and jogging and walking and jogging. Life is the reality of nothing matters. Life is breathing in God and breathing out Love. I am like the solitary bird: Life as such and nothing else.

Personal multi-days start Thursday.

1 comment:

Tracy said...

5 hours is a long time! Awesome.