I don't remember very many of my dreams. Usually when I do, they seem like nonsense. Last night I remembered a dream. At first, it also seemed like nonsense. But, later this morning, it seemed to carry some symbology which might be helpful to me.
I was at my old convent, although it didn't look like it, and I was helping them set up Christmas. I wasn't a nun, just living there. After we got done setting up, I needed a shower. So, I began running back to where our rooms were. I remember running very easily and being impressed by how fast and easy running was. I got to my room and gathered a towel or something. Then I went to hunt for a shower which wasn't being used. I decided to walk down to another old building where no one would be. At the first shower, you had to walk down some stone stairs to the basement hewed out of rock. The stairs were chipped and the railing was rusted; but I thought I could get down ok. Halfway down, I noticed a long buried sister above the stairs. She was tiny and petrified, but still dressed in a red and blue habit (like the statue of Maria Rickenbach, the name of the Swiss madonna enshrined at the mother house for that order). Half of her was in the rock roof of the stairway and half exposed. One of her arms was hanging down and I decided to yank it off as I passed underneath.
You guessed it! Yanking the arm woke that sister up. She came alive and started to grow larger into a normal sized person, alive and beautiful. She began talking to me, though I don't remember what she started out saying. But I remember saying, "I think you should go back to being dead." To which she replied, "But it was you who woke me up." She seemed to imply that I wanted her to be alive, even perhaps uncovering her and waking her up. I remember being afraid of her. And then I woke up. It was maybe 1 am and I went to the bathroom.
I went back to sleep and got up at 5. At 7 I left for the city and bought a few groceries. At 8, I was at a 12 step fellowship for a meeting. I was reading "How It Works" when I realized that this dream meant something.
It meant something in terms of this: as part of my A Course in Miracles (ACIM) workbook lesson, I had been uncovering my grievances, my sacrifices and my pain (these things are what my ego has to say). But also part of ACIM, is trying to realize how it is that I decided to leave God and dream an ego dream of unhappiness. The work of ACIM is to bring your pain to the Holy Spirit, to give up your grievances and awaken to your true Self within. Our ego's message is that we should be afraid to look within because we will find an awful demon; that we really are truly nasty and evil people. The Holy Spirit's message is that we are love, ideas in the mind of God who loves us and from Whom we never separated. I am confused. Was the dead sister a grievance I'd uncovered? Or was she my Self, but I am afraid because I am still in my ego?
I am leaning towards the idea that I am awakening; because the dead sister was beautiful and I know I had taken the action to uncover her and wake up to her. But I don't understand my Inner Beauty, hence I fear it. This is more or less a message of ACIM, when we really let go of our ego world, what we find inside is a loving Self. When we give up our ego guilt, we realize we never left God and He loved us all along while we dreamed the ego's dream of separation. I think I need to keep looking at this Self and try to understand her beauty. If you read yesterday's blog, you will see that I am gifted with seeing the light but have not allowed it authentically in. The dream sister did at least impact me. She was awake, I was awake. This situation has potential.
I am really only bloging right now because I am waiting for the roads to thaw. When I got back from the city, I drove around my town and tried to decide where I could run without worrying about snow. I found a road that will be good for running, but decided it needed a little more melt time. It won't take long.