I was seated in a type of room that looks like a small theater or a college lecture hall. Next to me was a cute young black man in a pink shirt. He needed a pen and asked to borrow mine. I gave it to him. Then later, when we went on break he saved my seat. This was a cute relationship. We were somehow connected that quick.
The room was known as jury room 2; as opposed to another similar room filled with similar people, but their room was jury room 1. I'm pretty sure almost no one in either room wanted to be there. We were there on penalty of punishment if we failed to show up on the day of our summons. It is amazing how obedient most people are when threatened with jail. I even made a joke to a colleague about not wanting to die in jail. My colleagues had coached me to just be calm and remember I am not in control.
I suppose many of the people are like me. I got my summons about a month ago. And ever since, I've been wondering how to drive to downtown Houston for an 8 o'clock start. I've been frightened as hell because I don't ever go to down town Houston. The fear also produced a great deal of anger that I'm going to have to drive 40 miles to get to jury duty and quite likely not let out until after 5 pm when it would for sure take at least an hour and a half to get home.
Fear would arise over and over during quiet times and in the night, or like when running. I could feel the steam building and building. I could feel almost on the verge of panic. Then, some lesson from A Course in Miracles or a prayer from AA Big Book would come in to my mind. The anxiety bubble would pop and I'd forget it for awhile.
I was on a jury once and disliked it intensely. I vowed never to do that again. The next time I was called, I did something to make sure no lawyer picked me; but the judge gave me such a dirty look. I don't think I would ever try that again.
So I'm scared to death of being on a jury and driving in Houston; and pissed about how late I'll get home. My small ego is having a field day with creating anxiety and hatred. The morning of, I turn my will over to the care of whatever higher power there is, I write down my ACIM lesson and grab The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I've read this book once and I know it will help me with my false anxiety.
I look at the Houston Transtar map and see an accident on the highway I was planning to take. I quickly re-plot a route that is much longer but turns out to be free of traffic. I make it to the parking garage about 6:45 and note other people sitting in their cars; as I do until after 7. Then I walk down to the basement and through a series of tunnels to the jury plaza. I hand my paper in at the window and am told to go sit in room 2.
So I go sit. I watch the power point presentation about security and how to pay for parking and how can I be exempt. I read the juror hand book. Other people come in and sit. Everybody is pretty quiet. I open The Power of Now. First I read about Tolle's spiritual experience. I realize that Tolle is the same as Sam Harris, a guy I know named Larry, and numerous other stories I've read. He didn't do any spiritual work. He was distraught one day and suddenly the universe opened up to him and he knew God. I am a spiritual seeker, but the emotional mountain top hasn't happened to me. And these books by these people seek to teach people like me how to have this experience. However, despite the lack of a mountain top, I realized I firmly stand on spiritual intuition as the basis of my life. I get through each and every day by trusting and relying on God. Divine help is my strength. These lessons from A Course in Miracles and these prayers from AA save my emotional bacon daily.
I pondered that for a little bit. I read one of Tolle's techniques. I totally agree with the statements on silence. So I shut my eyes there in jury room 2 and quiet my mind. I realize that I'm more interested in being of service to the universe than playing games to piss off a judge to get out of jury duty. How may I best serve you? Thy will not mine be done. I realize that I've put my life in the hands of the universe. Whatever my spirit wants to do, I will do. I sit there in the surrendered state for a brief few moments. I had achieved inner peace.
Suddenly the bailiff comes in and stands in the front of the room. He has a funny sort of smile on his face. He says something like," I have an announcement which I know will disappoint all of you. We called many extra people to jury duty today because we thought we would be having an extraordinary trial, that is, it would last more than 6 weeks." He pauses. The room full of people takes a collective gasp, "Oh fuck, we all think." "But, " says the bailiff, "that case just got settled out of court. So all of you are going to be set free in just a few minutes." Now everyone cheers. We high five. We are jubilant. A miracles has occurred. I look across the hall into jury room 1. Those people are not clapping and celebrating. They are lining up to go to various courtrooms. In deed, in a few moments they let jury room 2 go. I am in my car and headed home, traffic free, by 9 am. And I did make it to my 5 pm AA meeting, a thing I worried I'd miss.
But I have to tell you, I felt the miracle of creating my own reality at the moment I heard what the bailiff said. My ego didn't do anything. It hearkened to the ACIM chapter called "You need do nothing." It was like, when my ego finally let go of it's plans and I achieved inner peace, another reality could arise.
When I myself quit projecting bad dreams, the world itself stops being a bad dream.
Showing posts with label surrender. Show all posts
Showing posts with label surrender. Show all posts
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Thursday, July 9, 2015
How to Live
Frequently, I have negative thoughts early in the morning. In a sense, my spiritual activities and then exercise takes care of them. This morning, I could hear my ego murmuring about a work question: should I take that new position or not?
It is not time to decide. The decision is in the future. But mixed in with the decision is various ego issues like: am I good enough, will I be happy, I am happy now but I can't stand no promotional opportunity, I need to get ahead of colleagues, etc. And then, my knowledge that I am not in the Now. I am not connected to my higher self. And I have no idea how to get that to happen. Any techniques hasn't worked. I just haven't let go.
But the books say your ego doesn't know it anyway. So will I ever know it?
So you can now imagine me becoming more and more upset by this drama. Reading The Power of Now is only making me more upset.
So I got on the treadmill. What an awesome choice. The Gulf coast is so freaking hot and humid. Even before the sun comes up it is 83F. My outside running is consequently slow. But my living room is 71F with a fan blowing right on me. Running in the coolness was terrific!
On my treadmill, I have index cards with parts of the ACIM text written on them. This morning, text 15.V.5 "...You can place any relationship [situation] under His care and be sure that it will not result in pain, if you offer Him your willingness to have it serve no need but His...."
Plus lesson 9, "I see nothing as it is now."
This translates into, I don't see this situation as it is now.And also, be willing to let today, my present moment, any choice I make, serve no need but His. For me, the present moment is not enough, there also has to be a Higher Consciousness I am turning over to. Somehow, running on the treadmill and thinking about serving no need but His, surrender happened. I was able to "get" it.
That was early this morning. Now, I can remember it happened. I can almost recall how the understanding felt. But I can't really put all the little bits of thought together and explain it to you.
Why did I call this post "How to Live?" Well, frequently, immediately after my spiritual exercise and during my physical exercise, I get a moment of clarity. In that moment, my ego is gone. Life does not seem so frightening. That is how to live.
It is not time to decide. The decision is in the future. But mixed in with the decision is various ego issues like: am I good enough, will I be happy, I am happy now but I can't stand no promotional opportunity, I need to get ahead of colleagues, etc. And then, my knowledge that I am not in the Now. I am not connected to my higher self. And I have no idea how to get that to happen. Any techniques hasn't worked. I just haven't let go.
But the books say your ego doesn't know it anyway. So will I ever know it?
So you can now imagine me becoming more and more upset by this drama. Reading The Power of Now is only making me more upset.
So I got on the treadmill. What an awesome choice. The Gulf coast is so freaking hot and humid. Even before the sun comes up it is 83F. My outside running is consequently slow. But my living room is 71F with a fan blowing right on me. Running in the coolness was terrific!
On my treadmill, I have index cards with parts of the ACIM text written on them. This morning, text 15.V.5 "...You can place any relationship [situation] under His care and be sure that it will not result in pain, if you offer Him your willingness to have it serve no need but His...."
Plus lesson 9, "I see nothing as it is now."
This translates into, I don't see this situation as it is now.And also, be willing to let today, my present moment, any choice I make, serve no need but His. For me, the present moment is not enough, there also has to be a Higher Consciousness I am turning over to. Somehow, running on the treadmill and thinking about serving no need but His, surrender happened. I was able to "get" it.
That was early this morning. Now, I can remember it happened. I can almost recall how the understanding felt. But I can't really put all the little bits of thought together and explain it to you.
Why did I call this post "How to Live?" Well, frequently, immediately after my spiritual exercise and during my physical exercise, I get a moment of clarity. In that moment, my ego is gone. Life does not seem so frightening. That is how to live.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Surrender and do better
One way to get through a day is to remember "I am a worn and no man." (see the 7th degree of humility) Remembering this, I survived 4 years in a monastery where I was in fact below all other precious but annoying little nuns.
Rule of Benedict, Chapter 7: On Humility
The seventh degree of humility
is that he consider himself lower and of less account
than anyone else,
and this not only in verbal protestation
but also with the most heartfelt inner conviction,
humbling himself and saying with the Prophet,
"But I am a worm and no man,
the scorn of men and the outcast of the people" (Ps. 21[22]:7).
"After being exalted, I have been humbled
and covered with confusion" (Pa. 87:16).
And again,
"It is good for me that You have humbled me,
that I may learn Your commandments" (Ps. 118[119]:71).
Another way to get through a day come through the 3rd step of AA: "Father, I offer myself to you, to do with me and build with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to the will, thy love and thy way of life. May I at last abandon myself utterly to you."
Another way is a daily phrase from A Course in Miracles. From the Manual for Teachers: "The name of Jesus stands for love beyond this world. Jesus is the Word of God. The Word of God is the Atonement." or also,
"I am here only to be truly helpful. I am here to represent Him who sent me. I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me. I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me. I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal." (text 2.V)
"Into thy hands I commend my spirit."
What I am saying is that if I abandon my ego, turn my will and my life over to God, I do better. Otherwise, I am a stressed out worrisome mess every day. If I practice downward mobility in a hierarchical sense, that is, stop trying to protect and defend but merely serve, I do better mentally and emotionally. I may or may not do better financially, but that is not the point.
Now I will go to the park and run laps.
Rule of Benedict, Chapter 7: On Humility
The seventh degree of humility
is that he consider himself lower and of less account
than anyone else,
and this not only in verbal protestation
but also with the most heartfelt inner conviction,
humbling himself and saying with the Prophet,
"But I am a worm and no man,
the scorn of men and the outcast of the people" (Ps. 21[22]:7).
"After being exalted, I have been humbled
and covered with confusion" (Pa. 87:16).
And again,
"It is good for me that You have humbled me,
that I may learn Your commandments" (Ps. 118[119]:71).
Another way to get through a day come through the 3rd step of AA: "Father, I offer myself to you, to do with me and build with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to the will, thy love and thy way of life. May I at last abandon myself utterly to you."
Another way is a daily phrase from A Course in Miracles. From the Manual for Teachers: "The name of Jesus stands for love beyond this world. Jesus is the Word of God. The Word of God is the Atonement." or also,
"I am here only to be truly helpful. I am here to represent Him who sent me. I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me. I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me. I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal." (text 2.V)
"Into thy hands I commend my spirit."
What I am saying is that if I abandon my ego, turn my will and my life over to God, I do better. Otherwise, I am a stressed out worrisome mess every day. If I practice downward mobility in a hierarchical sense, that is, stop trying to protect and defend but merely serve, I do better mentally and emotionally. I may or may not do better financially, but that is not the point.
Now I will go to the park and run laps.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Embrace Limbo
My company has decided to sell the division which is located across the fence from where I am currently sitting. I am in an engineering services division, but all my current work is for the division located across the fence. So it is quite possible I will be moved across the fence and work for un-named new company in the future. Or maybe some other opportunity will present itself. Meeting in Germany this week as executives decide how to divvy things up.
In the mean time, it will be a few months before any final decisions are made. And anyway, I am still me with my own particular outlook on work in general. The VP of the division I work for has a cubicle near mine. And every time he gets on the phone, he has to walk into the small conference room next to my cubicle in order to talk privately. Lately, that has happened alot. Frequently, he starts talking before he gets in the conference room. This activity is distracting for me, who is going to be waiting months while guys like him try to decide to do with "us", the engineers working here. Managers continue to whisper amongst themselves. People say, "Aren't you sorry you ever came here?" Um, yeah.
I know the VP-ish activities are more about their own finances than anything. Capitalism and satisfying share holders is the whole cause here. In today's world, companies serve stock holders not communities or people. Should they? In the long run, they will figure out that they should.
For myself, I continue to drift in limbo. It causes me to shrink in. I have to focus on today and what is in front of me right now. It doesn't mean that if an idea surfaces which is a future idea I wouldn't act on it. But I must focus on what I can do and not what I can't do.
I also realize my dirty little secret is very alive in my consciousness. I work for money not for career advancement. I seek technical expertise not managerial expertise. I need to keep my mind busy with challenging work; while earning enough money to run my life. Moving up the ladder at any company is pretty much out of the question. It is more a matter of service.
In fact, service matters a great deal to me. Service is where my mentality at work overlaps with my spiritual life.I embrace that I decided for God and it has produced a strange limbo in this world. I have a growing outlook of this world as an ego project and that there is no place for me in it.. Job or no job, I am in limbo. I cannot produce goals because service today is the only possibility.
Tension occurs however between the ego wanting something to happen now; and my rational consciousness which wants to serve now. Very difficult to stay on track. Some would say I am trying to dis my human-ness. I think human-ness is an excuse for living littleness instead of living magnificence. Choosing spirit, I become less confused.
How may I best serve You. Thy will not mine be done.
ACIM text 2.V:
I am here only to be truly helpful.
I am here to represent Him Who sent me.
I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me.
I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me.
I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal.
All my life is really about is "Decide for God" (Manual for Teachers 14) right now. Then, allow God to direct my thinking. And ask for this every time I notice I am thinking what God would not have thought. Worldly limbo is a preparation for God consciousness. Embrace it.
It IS a sacred journey. No other thing about it.
In the mean time, it will be a few months before any final decisions are made. And anyway, I am still me with my own particular outlook on work in general. The VP of the division I work for has a cubicle near mine. And every time he gets on the phone, he has to walk into the small conference room next to my cubicle in order to talk privately. Lately, that has happened alot. Frequently, he starts talking before he gets in the conference room. This activity is distracting for me, who is going to be waiting months while guys like him try to decide to do with "us", the engineers working here. Managers continue to whisper amongst themselves. People say, "Aren't you sorry you ever came here?" Um, yeah.
I know the VP-ish activities are more about their own finances than anything. Capitalism and satisfying share holders is the whole cause here. In today's world, companies serve stock holders not communities or people. Should they? In the long run, they will figure out that they should.
For myself, I continue to drift in limbo. It causes me to shrink in. I have to focus on today and what is in front of me right now. It doesn't mean that if an idea surfaces which is a future idea I wouldn't act on it. But I must focus on what I can do and not what I can't do.
I also realize my dirty little secret is very alive in my consciousness. I work for money not for career advancement. I seek technical expertise not managerial expertise. I need to keep my mind busy with challenging work; while earning enough money to run my life. Moving up the ladder at any company is pretty much out of the question. It is more a matter of service.
In fact, service matters a great deal to me. Service is where my mentality at work overlaps with my spiritual life.I embrace that I decided for God and it has produced a strange limbo in this world. I have a growing outlook of this world as an ego project and that there is no place for me in it.. Job or no job, I am in limbo. I cannot produce goals because service today is the only possibility.
Tension occurs however between the ego wanting something to happen now; and my rational consciousness which wants to serve now. Very difficult to stay on track. Some would say I am trying to dis my human-ness. I think human-ness is an excuse for living littleness instead of living magnificence. Choosing spirit, I become less confused.
How may I best serve You. Thy will not mine be done.
ACIM text 2.V:
I am here only to be truly helpful.
I am here to represent Him Who sent me.
I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because He Who sent me will direct me.
I am content to be wherever He wishes, knowing He goes there with me.
I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal.
All my life is really about is "Decide for God" (Manual for Teachers 14) right now. Then, allow God to direct my thinking. And ask for this every time I notice I am thinking what God would not have thought. Worldly limbo is a preparation for God consciousness. Embrace it.
It IS a sacred journey. No other thing about it.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Monastic Intellect
This idea comes from the introduction, "Talking Back" Brakke's translation of Evagrius.
The goal of the Evagrian monk is not simply to avoid evil deeds, remarkably he seeks not to experience the first movements (initial thought impressions) that incite to sin at all...a "monastic intellect" is someone who is free even from the thoughts...The ultimate goal is to eliminate the thoughts themselves and to pray and contemplate God purely....A persistent representation of a corporeal object can 'imprint' the intellect, distorting the intellect in a way that prevents the clarity of vision required for knowledge of God and pure prayer."... Persistent bad thoughts causing impassioned representations to persist in the intellect damage the intellect, preventing the monk from becoming the 'monastic intellect' ...Talking Back applies also to the more advanced stage of the monastic gnostic, in which the monk contemplates the material world and rational beings on his path to knowledge of God. ... practices of biblical refutation and short prayers to God help to clear his intellect of evil thoughts and distorting representations and thus prepare him for the vision of the Trinity's light..."
So really, I do want to know God. But I need something simple in my head that can be playing all the time or grasped habitually and quickly. If yes, proceed to 'monastic intellect.' I can.
Today I drove to work in relative calm. The radio off and a hokey prayer: In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
The monastery was invented to take the place of the desert; where people were more urban and living in the desert no longer feasible. But from my monastic experience, I'd say that it is not really much more of a desert than the life I have chosen as a 'monk in the world.'
This morning, I also read in A Course in Miracles about my choice: "It is impossible the Son of God be merely driven by events outside of him. It is impossible that happenings that come to him were not his choice. His power of decision is the determiner of every situation in which he seems to find himself by chance or accident. No accident nor chance is possible within the universe as God created it, outside of which is nothing. Suffer, and you decided sin was your goal. Be happy, and you gave the power of decision to Him Who must decide for God for you." (21.II)
I choose to the the Holy Spirit decide for me. I don't decide I want to find sin. I don't decide what I see is sin. I merely talk back.
3 days since my left foot became free of the boot worn for 5 weeks. Today, I can almost walk normally and the incision area is not tremendously painful. Wow!
The goal of the Evagrian monk is not simply to avoid evil deeds, remarkably he seeks not to experience the first movements (initial thought impressions) that incite to sin at all...a "monastic intellect" is someone who is free even from the thoughts...The ultimate goal is to eliminate the thoughts themselves and to pray and contemplate God purely....A persistent representation of a corporeal object can 'imprint' the intellect, distorting the intellect in a way that prevents the clarity of vision required for knowledge of God and pure prayer."... Persistent bad thoughts causing impassioned representations to persist in the intellect damage the intellect, preventing the monk from becoming the 'monastic intellect' ...Talking Back applies also to the more advanced stage of the monastic gnostic, in which the monk contemplates the material world and rational beings on his path to knowledge of God. ... practices of biblical refutation and short prayers to God help to clear his intellect of evil thoughts and distorting representations and thus prepare him for the vision of the Trinity's light..."
So really, I do want to know God. But I need something simple in my head that can be playing all the time or grasped habitually and quickly. If yes, proceed to 'monastic intellect.' I can.
Today I drove to work in relative calm. The radio off and a hokey prayer: In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
The monastery was invented to take the place of the desert; where people were more urban and living in the desert no longer feasible. But from my monastic experience, I'd say that it is not really much more of a desert than the life I have chosen as a 'monk in the world.'
This morning, I also read in A Course in Miracles about my choice: "It is impossible the Son of God be merely driven by events outside of him. It is impossible that happenings that come to him were not his choice. His power of decision is the determiner of every situation in which he seems to find himself by chance or accident. No accident nor chance is possible within the universe as God created it, outside of which is nothing. Suffer, and you decided sin was your goal. Be happy, and you gave the power of decision to Him Who must decide for God for you." (21.II)
I choose to the the Holy Spirit decide for me. I don't decide I want to find sin. I don't decide what I see is sin. I merely talk back.
3 days since my left foot became free of the boot worn for 5 weeks. Today, I can almost walk normally and the incision area is not tremendously painful. Wow!
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Surrender
Well, as an invalid, I am having a good time. Work from home for several hours, then go have vitamin D therapy:
I realized that I almost never just sit by the water and enjoy the sunshine. Well, for most of the summer, Texas is too hot. But now, it was nice.
I also have what I am calling the "Invalid 550" workout. It is easy on my arms since they are very tired from heaving my body around. And it loosens up the butt which is sitting too much. It took me 45 min yesterday so I swear I got some endorphins too.
50 each of: crunches (lower legs on ball), butt scrunch bridges (lower legs on ball), bicycles, leg lifts front, Russian twists, side curls, clams, side leg lifts, core activation, inner leg lifts, roll ups. Equals 550.
Yesterday I thought: to know God, you should be grateful. Not for what you have, but to your soul for who you are. Stop and think. What is the essence of a human being. Majesty. Power. Love.
Today I thought: Peace extends from deep inside yourself to embrace all. Surrender to your inner holiness. Surrender to the love existent within and all around. Stop and think. Feel that quiet truth inside. How still. How peaceful. Jut let go.
AAs Big Book says, "Deep down in every man woman and child is the fundamental idea of God." Surrender to the idea. Be sober.
I realized that I almost never just sit by the water and enjoy the sunshine. Well, for most of the summer, Texas is too hot. But now, it was nice.
I also have what I am calling the "Invalid 550" workout. It is easy on my arms since they are very tired from heaving my body around. And it loosens up the butt which is sitting too much. It took me 45 min yesterday so I swear I got some endorphins too.
50 each of: crunches (lower legs on ball), butt scrunch bridges (lower legs on ball), bicycles, leg lifts front, Russian twists, side curls, clams, side leg lifts, core activation, inner leg lifts, roll ups. Equals 550.
Yesterday I thought: to know God, you should be grateful. Not for what you have, but to your soul for who you are. Stop and think. What is the essence of a human being. Majesty. Power. Love.
Today I thought: Peace extends from deep inside yourself to embrace all. Surrender to your inner holiness. Surrender to the love existent within and all around. Stop and think. Feel that quiet truth inside. How still. How peaceful. Jut let go.
AAs Big Book says, "Deep down in every man woman and child is the fundamental idea of God." Surrender to the idea. Be sober.
Friday, September 20, 2013
More Brunton
Some part of last night was spent thinking about what 6 weeks on crutches would be like. And some part was spent worrying about the surgery date being changed due to a personal crisis the doctor is having. But now I think, The Universe is in charge. Let go. There is nothing I can do.
But you see, I must firmly believe that there is a Higher Self or Spirit who is helping me with my life. This idea works if everything is seen as a spiritual growth experience and everything is for the spiritual quest. Most of all surrendering to this Higher Self is the learning. Believing in this Higher Self and its care for its creations is my foundation.
Brunton:
"...even in this widespread longing for personal continuance we can detect the beginnings of what will one day grow into the nobler longing to live in the true immortality. For it is an unconscious perception that human existence does possess something within it which is unaffected by events in time and is therefore genuinely eternal, something which stands apart from all the miserable mutations of the flesh and the 'I'. It is indeed an unformulated intuition which, hiding among the perishable elements of personality, affirms that there is an imperishable principle which cannot be brought to an end with the end of the body."
"The view of immortality as belonging to the higher individuality of the Overself rather than to the lower personality will then replace the former one, which is ultimately doomed to suffer the anguish of frustrated desire whereas the true view bathes a man in increasing peace the better it is understood."
But you see, I must firmly believe that there is a Higher Self or Spirit who is helping me with my life. This idea works if everything is seen as a spiritual growth experience and everything is for the spiritual quest. Most of all surrendering to this Higher Self is the learning. Believing in this Higher Self and its care for its creations is my foundation.
Brunton:
"...even in this widespread longing for personal continuance we can detect the beginnings of what will one day grow into the nobler longing to live in the true immortality. For it is an unconscious perception that human existence does possess something within it which is unaffected by events in time and is therefore genuinely eternal, something which stands apart from all the miserable mutations of the flesh and the 'I'. It is indeed an unformulated intuition which, hiding among the perishable elements of personality, affirms that there is an imperishable principle which cannot be brought to an end with the end of the body."
"The view of immortality as belonging to the higher individuality of the Overself rather than to the lower personality will then replace the former one, which is ultimately doomed to suffer the anguish of frustrated desire whereas the true view bathes a man in increasing peace the better it is understood."
Monday, May 27, 2013
Rejuvenation
I amaze myself. I may at times have difficulty getting out of bed. Today was such a day since I knew I wasn't going to do 20 miles. But as I got up and thought about my cross training, I had positive thoughts: its not the end of the world, many runners in Texas use the summer to rejuvenate, put on the "Haki-machi."
What is the Haki-machi? It is the Japanese head band. Mine symbolizes the warrior spirit.
Anyone who is willing to put on the Warrior Spirit cannot possibly be depressed. Or, anyone willing to turn their life over to Spirit cannot possibly be depressed.
I'm totally willing. This amazes me. I seemingly have nothing to live for, except in honor of the Warrior Spirit. I guess that is enough. It is everything, the highest possible way to honor Creation.
What is the Haki-machi? It is the Japanese head band. Mine symbolizes the warrior spirit.
Anyone who is willing to put on the Warrior Spirit cannot possibly be depressed. Or, anyone willing to turn their life over to Spirit cannot possibly be depressed.
I'm totally willing. This amazes me. I seemingly have nothing to live for, except in honor of the Warrior Spirit. I guess that is enough. It is everything, the highest possible way to honor Creation.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Now I Go On Living
It is May 15, half way through May, almost. I just did an ultra marathon. I look forward to more. I look forward to reading the blogs of other ultra marathoners as they complete their endurance trials. Today, I went for a walk/run. My blisters are just well enough to allow this. The one on the bottom of my foot is still red, but wasn't painful. The left pinky toe still needs space, but my shoes have space.
I ran down the road from my hotel to a quiet cemetery and completed 2.5 laps of that. Then I noticed a road going up a hill behind the cemetery. I went up that too. It was marked every 0.1 miles, so I know I went up 1.1 miles and then turned around at the top. Then back to the hotel for a total of 92 minutes of walk/jog.
I dreamed of my old convent last night. Today, I looked at their blog. I have to admit I'm more interested in running than I am in the genteel life with mostly elderly ladies. I'm excited that my 52 mile run didn't seem to cause physical harm other than the blisters. I'm excited to be going to Canada to run in 11 days.
I must have been adequately trained to do 16 hours of running and walking. So my body was not destroyed and the graph continues to build:
When I was out this morning, I thought, "I'd love to spend everyday going up and down this hill; even over and over, several times a day."
A Course in Miracles continuously reminds me to let go of everything I think; because these are ego thoughts. The grave yard I went through this morning was an example of ego thoughts. Clearly the Star of David tomb stones were separate from the Cross tomb stones. Really? Do you think God really divides his people? Religion can only be a separation exercise. Spirituality can only be ego edification: getting something for yourself. ACIM says that the ego fruitlessly but continuously seeks approval of Spirit, who doesn't know the ego exists. Only surrender frees one from the ego thought system. We can choose spirit instead of ego.
A runner at the Fair:
I ran down the road from my hotel to a quiet cemetery and completed 2.5 laps of that. Then I noticed a road going up a hill behind the cemetery. I went up that too. It was marked every 0.1 miles, so I know I went up 1.1 miles and then turned around at the top. Then back to the hotel for a total of 92 minutes of walk/jog.
I dreamed of my old convent last night. Today, I looked at their blog. I have to admit I'm more interested in running than I am in the genteel life with mostly elderly ladies. I'm excited that my 52 mile run didn't seem to cause physical harm other than the blisters. I'm excited to be going to Canada to run in 11 days.
I must have been adequately trained to do 16 hours of running and walking. So my body was not destroyed and the graph continues to build:
A Course in Miracles continuously reminds me to let go of everything I think; because these are ego thoughts. The grave yard I went through this morning was an example of ego thoughts. Clearly the Star of David tomb stones were separate from the Cross tomb stones. Really? Do you think God really divides his people? Religion can only be a separation exercise. Spirituality can only be ego edification: getting something for yourself. ACIM says that the ego fruitlessly but continuously seeks approval of Spirit, who doesn't know the ego exists. Only surrender frees one from the ego thought system. We can choose spirit instead of ego.
A runner at the Fair:
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
The Remedy for Everything
God is the only goal I have today.
That's it. As soon as I think that, my fears dissolve. That is, fear is not just fear. It is my goal of fear. Yes, all my fear is made by me to meet the goal. Once I am afraid, I have no chance of knowing God and knowing I am loved and cared for and safe.
But as soon as I shift my goal from fear to God, I feel fine. I have no goal in this world.
Today I had a bit of extra time. First I bought a new treadmill; a good one from an equipment supplier, not a box store. I need this to reduce my concrete running and to do hill workouts here in flat Houston.
Then, after a little "work from home" and lunch, I went out for a 9 mile jog in the park across the street.
An interaction with another person today left me with a low grade ego resentment. As I ran laps around the park, I sorted through my fear. After about 1 hour and 20 minutes, I realized I could give it to God. And so I did. It vanished.
Nothing can bother me if I stick to my goal: God is the only goal I have today.
That's it. As soon as I think that, my fears dissolve. That is, fear is not just fear. It is my goal of fear. Yes, all my fear is made by me to meet the goal. Once I am afraid, I have no chance of knowing God and knowing I am loved and cared for and safe.
But as soon as I shift my goal from fear to God, I feel fine. I have no goal in this world.
Today I had a bit of extra time. First I bought a new treadmill; a good one from an equipment supplier, not a box store. I need this to reduce my concrete running and to do hill workouts here in flat Houston.
Then, after a little "work from home" and lunch, I went out for a 9 mile jog in the park across the street.
An interaction with another person today left me with a low grade ego resentment. As I ran laps around the park, I sorted through my fear. After about 1 hour and 20 minutes, I realized I could give it to God. And so I did. It vanished.
Nothing can bother me if I stick to my goal: God is the only goal I have today.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
God Reliance
Success in A Course in Miracles depends on a growing belief in God and reliance on God.
I first learned about surrendering my life to God in the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. It really is God dependence which keeps the alcoholic from drinking; because the brain of the alcoholic is programmed to drink. It is impossible for an alcoholic to behave otherwise. Will power is completely irrelevant in the face of brain programming.
I think that brain programming is all any of us has. We can't correct certain habits because our biology won't let us, and the world around us doesn't support any changes (ie over eating).
I don't appear to be an over eater. That is just cuz I work out 2 hours a day. I've tracked calories for years and eaten according to the numbers. I actually have no idea how to eat according to my body's needs and not according to my brain's desires.
I really would like to learn to eat just what I need. That is a very difficult idea because my brain is programmed to eat as much as possible of the food that is sitting all around me. I don't think I can change without the help of a Higher Power; and this brings me back to A Course in Miracles and my need to go deeper and deeper into a God consciousness.
My lesson for the day:
I give my life to God to guide today.
I will step back and merely follow You.
It has been given me to change what I believe.
Think about those statements and listen to all the little thoughts that come up. No, almost no one actually really truly believes in God.
I first learned about surrendering my life to God in the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. It really is God dependence which keeps the alcoholic from drinking; because the brain of the alcoholic is programmed to drink. It is impossible for an alcoholic to behave otherwise. Will power is completely irrelevant in the face of brain programming.
I think that brain programming is all any of us has. We can't correct certain habits because our biology won't let us, and the world around us doesn't support any changes (ie over eating).
I don't appear to be an over eater. That is just cuz I work out 2 hours a day. I've tracked calories for years and eaten according to the numbers. I actually have no idea how to eat according to my body's needs and not according to my brain's desires.
I really would like to learn to eat just what I need. That is a very difficult idea because my brain is programmed to eat as much as possible of the food that is sitting all around me. I don't think I can change without the help of a Higher Power; and this brings me back to A Course in Miracles and my need to go deeper and deeper into a God consciousness.
My lesson for the day:
I give my life to God to guide today.
I will step back and merely follow You.
It has been given me to change what I believe.
Think about those statements and listen to all the little thoughts that come up. No, almost no one actually really truly believes in God.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Ultra Again
It is only a 50k, but I am signed up. Yesterday, I clicked all the buttons: airplane, hotels, rental cars, parking, race entry.
After my 25 mile jaunt on Saturday, I walked another 8 miles on Sunday. This gave me 43 miles between Friday night and Sunday. I felt it. But it felt good. There is something that happens to the body and mind the longer you go. It is memorable, yet not exactly explainable.
My ACIM Psalm for tonight and tomorrow is certainly beautiful and cuts completely to the heart of life:
Be in my mind, my father, through the day.
I trust all things to you. Fear has ended.
You realize that as soon as you completely surrender your life and stop judging it, then you have nothing to fear. Nothing is left for you to worry about. Nothing bad will happen because you have not projected it.
I imagine myself an ultra runner; just chugging along a road with no beginning and no ending, all is pure bliss.
After my 25 mile jaunt on Saturday, I walked another 8 miles on Sunday. This gave me 43 miles between Friday night and Sunday. I felt it. But it felt good. There is something that happens to the body and mind the longer you go. It is memorable, yet not exactly explainable.
My ACIM Psalm for tonight and tomorrow is certainly beautiful and cuts completely to the heart of life:
Be in my mind, my father, through the day.
I trust all things to you. Fear has ended.
You realize that as soon as you completely surrender your life and stop judging it, then you have nothing to fear. Nothing is left for you to worry about. Nothing bad will happen because you have not projected it.
I imagine myself an ultra runner; just chugging along a road with no beginning and no ending, all is pure bliss.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Surrender
A work related temptation has been bugging me all weekend. I've been trying to give it up to the Holy Spirit. This morning, in my spiritual study, I finally found the conviction needed. And so I first spontaneously said the 3rd Step Prayer from AA. And then a prayer from A Course in Miracles.
"Holy Spirit, I offer myself to You to do with me and build with me as You will. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Your will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Your power, Your love and Your way of life. May I do Your will always. May I at last abandon myself utterly to You."
"This holy instant would I give to You. Be Thou in charge that I may follow You certain that Your direction brings me peace."
After this, it is my job to keep a quiet mind and listen to the intuitive Voice for God.
"Holy Spirit, I offer myself to You to do with me and build with me as You will. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Your will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Your power, Your love and Your way of life. May I do Your will always. May I at last abandon myself utterly to You."
"This holy instant would I give to You. Be Thou in charge that I may follow You certain that Your direction brings me peace."
After this, it is my job to keep a quiet mind and listen to the intuitive Voice for God.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Lesson 339
Father, this is Your day. It is a day in which I would do nothing by myself, but hear Your Voice in everything I do; requesting only what You offer me, accepting only Thoughts You share with me.
The italics is the prayer. the lesson is: "I will receive whatever I request."
So what I really want to request is not of this world. My prayers do not relate to receiving in this world; but to full communication with my Father. And I do not judge what happens because I always use my ego to judge, not Spirit, my true Identity.
It is a wonderful notion to go about the world with nothing but my Father's loving Thoughts in my mind. And hearing only His voice. What a great gift.
The italics is the prayer. the lesson is: "I will receive whatever I request."
So what I really want to request is not of this world. My prayers do not relate to receiving in this world; but to full communication with my Father. And I do not judge what happens because I always use my ego to judge, not Spirit, my true Identity.
It is a wonderful notion to go about the world with nothing but my Father's loving Thoughts in my mind. And hearing only His voice. What a great gift.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Ordinary Person's Spirituality
I was born an ordinary person. I have no outstanding talents; I mean stuff way way beyond the norm. But I am above average in a number of ways and I've managed to keep from deteriorating under the effects of dissipative American culture.
At the ripe young age of 22, I suddenly became interested in God. I am not highly gifted in spiritual attunement; but I am very persevering.
I've learned that all my personal efforts to attain God consciousness may have prepared me somewhat, but that God or Spirit or soul/Self are really doing the work. My efforts are mainly ego efforts; combined with ego deflation. I cherish ego deflation as it gives me a new clarity for spiritual progress. My Vancouver marathon was ego deflation. My next marathon, Hawk marathon, will also be such.
The fact that I have to go to work and get along with others is ego deflating. Seeking stillness is ego surrender. Prayer is joining soul/Self in divinity. It is Grace to which I offer my ego for correction that I may live as spirit. This is my simple spiritual life. Over and over. Day after day. Nothing more but also nothing less.
There are some great prayers for surrendering the ego and thus passing into God consciousness.
From ACIM: This holy instant would I give to You. Be Thou in charge for I would follow You; certain that Your direction gives me peace.
From AA:
I also recently read of a meditation method which involves meditating on a blue cross, then a golden triangle, then a silver star. I noticed that in turning to these shapes in time of mental turmoil, I am immediately at peace. Turning to prayer in times of turmoil is an act of ego renunciation, surrender to Grace.
I am an ordinary person. While I am not really making much progress towards enlightenment in this life, I refuse to give up and am certain that the future brings God consciousness.
Vancouver marathon before and after:
At the ripe young age of 22, I suddenly became interested in God. I am not highly gifted in spiritual attunement; but I am very persevering.
I've learned that all my personal efforts to attain God consciousness may have prepared me somewhat, but that God or Spirit or soul/Self are really doing the work. My efforts are mainly ego efforts; combined with ego deflation. I cherish ego deflation as it gives me a new clarity for spiritual progress. My Vancouver marathon was ego deflation. My next marathon, Hawk marathon, will also be such.
The fact that I have to go to work and get along with others is ego deflating. Seeking stillness is ego surrender. Prayer is joining soul/Self in divinity. It is Grace to which I offer my ego for correction that I may live as spirit. This is my simple spiritual life. Over and over. Day after day. Nothing more but also nothing less.
There are some great prayers for surrendering the ego and thus passing into God consciousness.
From ACIM: This holy instant would I give to You. Be Thou in charge for I would follow You; certain that Your direction gives me peace.
From AA:
- God, I offer myself to you to do with me and build with me as Thou will. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy will. ... May I at last abandon myself utterly to You.
- How may I best serve you. Thy will not mine be done.
I also recently read of a meditation method which involves meditating on a blue cross, then a golden triangle, then a silver star. I noticed that in turning to these shapes in time of mental turmoil, I am immediately at peace. Turning to prayer in times of turmoil is an act of ego renunciation, surrender to Grace.
I am an ordinary person. While I am not really making much progress towards enlightenment in this life, I refuse to give up and am certain that the future brings God consciousness.
Vancouver marathon before and after:
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Live Strong
If anyone wonders why I love A Course in Miracles, check out tomorrow's lesson for me: "Be in my mind, my Father, through the day."
This thought will save my bacon. I am going to drive 5 hours to a one hour job interview and then drive 5 hours back. It seems like a futile exercise. I might not even want the job if it is offered. But I have invited God into my mind. It affirms my current out look on life: I am looking for the position God wants me to have where I serve Him, not myself. As such, the interview tomorrow is part of what God wants me to do. It is already part of my job of being of service to God and not myself.
If I fill my mind with God, then my mind won't be filled with my ego. Unless I displace my ego from my mind, I will have to spend all day listening to it tell me how stupid I am, worthless and I'll never get a good job. Do you think I want to spend all day thinking that? NO!!! So instead I choose to have God in my mind.
When my goal is to be of maximum service to God, and I do not consider my life to be mine, then all things are much more pleasant. If I consider God to be my Author and the Author of my life, I can let go and let God manage everything. My life is not my problem. The only problem I ever had was listening to an ego yell at me. I'm done believing the ego. I prefer to have God in my mind. I'm perfectly happy to go along with God's gig.
Today I ran 5.4 miles, walked 60 minutes and sat in silence for two hours. I am glad I learned to sit. It makes me much happier than watching TV would. I bought a Lance Armstrong yellow hat that says "LiveStrong." After reading the latest book, I am a Lance fan; but more importantly, I am going to live strong in God. (never give up - as Jo would say)
This thought will save my bacon. I am going to drive 5 hours to a one hour job interview and then drive 5 hours back. It seems like a futile exercise. I might not even want the job if it is offered. But I have invited God into my mind. It affirms my current out look on life: I am looking for the position God wants me to have where I serve Him, not myself. As such, the interview tomorrow is part of what God wants me to do. It is already part of my job of being of service to God and not myself.
If I fill my mind with God, then my mind won't be filled with my ego. Unless I displace my ego from my mind, I will have to spend all day listening to it tell me how stupid I am, worthless and I'll never get a good job. Do you think I want to spend all day thinking that? NO!!! So instead I choose to have God in my mind.
When my goal is to be of maximum service to God, and I do not consider my life to be mine, then all things are much more pleasant. If I consider God to be my Author and the Author of my life, I can let go and let God manage everything. My life is not my problem. The only problem I ever had was listening to an ego yell at me. I'm done believing the ego. I prefer to have God in my mind. I'm perfectly happy to go along with God's gig.
Today I ran 5.4 miles, walked 60 minutes and sat in silence for two hours. I am glad I learned to sit. It makes me much happier than watching TV would. I bought a Lance Armstrong yellow hat that says "LiveStrong." After reading the latest book, I am a Lance fan; but more importantly, I am going to live strong in God. (never give up - as Jo would say)
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Unemployed Contemplative - 1
I have been unemployed for 3 weeks. At first, I was on an ultrarunning retreat. I ended that because I need to taper for a race. Also, I feel the need to spend more time in silent meditation and writing. I have turned my will and my life over to God. I totally believe that God has a "next place" for me to go, but I don't know where it is yet.
In the mean time, I think it is very important to stay spiritually focused. I have time to be as spiritual as I want to be. I have time to study and meditate and write; so go for it.
My mantra for today is: This is my holy instant of release; thru light and joy and majesty and peace.
This mantra brings me into the present. If I let go right now of my ego's plans and designs, and let the Holy Spirit decide for me, then I am free.
This morning I read in the Course in Miracles Text, "When a mind has only light, if knows only light. Its own radiance shines around it, and extends out into the darkness of other minds, transforming them into majesty...Recognizing the Majesty of God as your brother is to accept your own inheritance."
I am able to keep light in my mind. I am able to see the Majesty of God in other people. It is again a matter of willingness and discipline. Do I want to see God or do I want to see someone who is out to hurt me and cheat me? Do I want only light in my mind or do I want anger and fear? If I want to see God and have the light, then I make this choice. I still need to ask the Holy Spirit for power to carry out the decision. I still need to watch my mind and see what ego thoughts I have to turn over to the Holy Spirit. It is work.
My inheritance is heaven. My inheritance is everything. My inheritance is Love. Do I want this? Am I willing? How hard will I try to live in the new order of things?
This sort of spiritual thinking is keeping me from going crazy as an unemployed non-financially independent person. I have turned my will and my life over to the care of God. I have offered myself to Him to do with me and build with me as He will. God is doing for me what I can't do for myself. To have placed my life in His hands is to soothing to my soul. It truly is happiness and peace for me.
I ran 10 miles this morning. I will go for a walk this afternoon. I will also spend an hour or two in silent meditation. I love silent meditation. I love being able to be in communication without asking for anything.
In the mean time, I think it is very important to stay spiritually focused. I have time to be as spiritual as I want to be. I have time to study and meditate and write; so go for it.
My mantra for today is: This is my holy instant of release; thru light and joy and majesty and peace.
This mantra brings me into the present. If I let go right now of my ego's plans and designs, and let the Holy Spirit decide for me, then I am free.
This morning I read in the Course in Miracles Text, "When a mind has only light, if knows only light. Its own radiance shines around it, and extends out into the darkness of other minds, transforming them into majesty...Recognizing the Majesty of God as your brother is to accept your own inheritance."
I am able to keep light in my mind. I am able to see the Majesty of God in other people. It is again a matter of willingness and discipline. Do I want to see God or do I want to see someone who is out to hurt me and cheat me? Do I want only light in my mind or do I want anger and fear? If I want to see God and have the light, then I make this choice. I still need to ask the Holy Spirit for power to carry out the decision. I still need to watch my mind and see what ego thoughts I have to turn over to the Holy Spirit. It is work.
My inheritance is heaven. My inheritance is everything. My inheritance is Love. Do I want this? Am I willing? How hard will I try to live in the new order of things?
This sort of spiritual thinking is keeping me from going crazy as an unemployed non-financially independent person. I have turned my will and my life over to the care of God. I have offered myself to Him to do with me and build with me as He will. God is doing for me what I can't do for myself. To have placed my life in His hands is to soothing to my soul. It truly is happiness and peace for me.
I ran 10 miles this morning. I will go for a walk this afternoon. I will also spend an hour or two in silent meditation. I love silent meditation. I love being able to be in communication without asking for anything.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Ultra Retreat day 7
Today’s lesson 214: I place the future in the hands of God.
SF reflection: I just love being able to do this. I love how ACIM continually reminds me of God and to turn my life over. I am so happy when I do this. As a person in transition, I love working with God instead of listening to the news and being dejected.
“The past is gone; the future is not yet. Now am I freed from both. For what God gives can only be for good. And I accept but what He gives as what belongs to me.”
From Text 5.V:
V.7 Irrational thought is disordered thought. God Himself orders your thought because your thought was created by Him. Guilt feelings are always a sign that you do not know this. They also show that you believe you can think apart from God, and want to. … The purpose of the Atonement is to save the past in purified form only. If you accept the remedy for disordered thought, a remedy whose efficacy is beyond doubt, how can its symptoms remain?
V.8.4 What you want you expect.
VI.2.8 My (Jesus’) role is to unchain your will and set it free.
VII. 1.4 …you need merely cast your cares upon Him (God) because He careth for you.
VII. 5 Whenever you are not wholly joyous, it is because you have reacted with a lack of love to one of God’s creations…6. …you must have already decided not to be wholly joyous if that is how you feel…you actively decided wrongly…Your part is merely to return your thinking to the point at which the error was made, and give it over to the Atonement in peace.
SF reflection: I spent my run working on the lesson and then deciding to be wholly joyous instead of worried about the future. In some ways, I don't know what joy is. But if I shut my mind up, I could sense a universal hymn of joy silently present everywhere. I could tap into that joy. I could ask Jesus what joy is or for help feeling it. Then I would feel a calm inside wherein rested an assurance of God's love and protection. Feeling safe, I felt joy. Knowing I'm protected doesn't mean I am special to God because God protects everyone. It is a matter of learning God's lessons and believing they are all good.
Also while running, I decided that I am a practicing spiritualist, metaphysicist, supported by God's Hands. I just am. I think I am so I am. A practicing spiritualist is what I've always wanted to be. This time of transition is provided for me to be intensive in my training and my practice. So there!
I am having a tiny bug invasion at my house: millions of little bugs. They don’t bite me but they are everywhere. So, I kill them. Clean them up. Bomb the house. Clean it up. And do it again if necessary. I asked God, “What am I learning from this?” Each of these bugs is a symbol of my negative ego doom and gloom thoughts. My killing and cleaning is the practice of turning these over to Jesus and then thinking with God, practicing forgiveness (seeing holiness, Christ presence and joy no matter what). I have millions of these thoughts and I’ll have to go through this procedure many times. But eventually, it won’t be a problem.
Hah! It is hot here. I continued my ultra-retreat today with 14 miles jog/walk in an 85 degF humid soup. One young doe observed very close to me. I applied for jobs online. Now, I need a nap. The high today is supposed to be 96 (ouch).
SF reflection: I just love being able to do this. I love how ACIM continually reminds me of God and to turn my life over. I am so happy when I do this. As a person in transition, I love working with God instead of listening to the news and being dejected.
“The past is gone; the future is not yet. Now am I freed from both. For what God gives can only be for good. And I accept but what He gives as what belongs to me.”
From Text 5.V:
V.7 Irrational thought is disordered thought. God Himself orders your thought because your thought was created by Him. Guilt feelings are always a sign that you do not know this. They also show that you believe you can think apart from God, and want to. … The purpose of the Atonement is to save the past in purified form only. If you accept the remedy for disordered thought, a remedy whose efficacy is beyond doubt, how can its symptoms remain?
V.8.4 What you want you expect.
VI.2.8 My (Jesus’) role is to unchain your will and set it free.
VII. 1.4 …you need merely cast your cares upon Him (God) because He careth for you.
VII. 5 Whenever you are not wholly joyous, it is because you have reacted with a lack of love to one of God’s creations…6. …you must have already decided not to be wholly joyous if that is how you feel…you actively decided wrongly…Your part is merely to return your thinking to the point at which the error was made, and give it over to the Atonement in peace.
SF reflection: I spent my run working on the lesson and then deciding to be wholly joyous instead of worried about the future. In some ways, I don't know what joy is. But if I shut my mind up, I could sense a universal hymn of joy silently present everywhere. I could tap into that joy. I could ask Jesus what joy is or for help feeling it. Then I would feel a calm inside wherein rested an assurance of God's love and protection. Feeling safe, I felt joy. Knowing I'm protected doesn't mean I am special to God because God protects everyone. It is a matter of learning God's lessons and believing they are all good.
Also while running, I decided that I am a practicing spiritualist, metaphysicist, supported by God's Hands. I just am. I think I am so I am. A practicing spiritualist is what I've always wanted to be. This time of transition is provided for me to be intensive in my training and my practice. So there!
I am having a tiny bug invasion at my house: millions of little bugs. They don’t bite me but they are everywhere. So, I kill them. Clean them up. Bomb the house. Clean it up. And do it again if necessary. I asked God, “What am I learning from this?” Each of these bugs is a symbol of my negative ego doom and gloom thoughts. My killing and cleaning is the practice of turning these over to Jesus and then thinking with God, practicing forgiveness (seeing holiness, Christ presence and joy no matter what). I have millions of these thoughts and I’ll have to go through this procedure many times. But eventually, it won’t be a problem.
Hah! It is hot here. I continued my ultra-retreat today with 14 miles jog/walk in an 85 degF humid soup. One young doe observed very close to me. I applied for jobs online. Now, I need a nap. The high today is supposed to be 96 (ouch).
Friday, June 12, 2009
God is My Employer
Today at 11:10, I got done educating my boss about environmental activities, at least in some superficial manner. He thanked me for helping him. I said, “I am not the sort of person to wave my finger at you and walk out the door.” How incredibly mature I seem to be.
But really, it is because of reliance on God. I am not upset that I am laid off because I believe totally that it is because the Holy Spirit has a new assignment for me. I also believe that work has nothing to do with money. Money and bills are part of the ego world. I am in the service of The Spirit. God is my employer. Now is the time to practice ACIM (A Course in Miracles): forgiveness, miracles and Christ vision. That is my job.
I got in my car and decided to head to Kansas City for a fellowship meeting. As I drove, I felt so pleased: I am totally in the hands of the Universe, of Love. I don’t know where I am going or what I will be doing. I am happy. My little ship is flying free! Yes, my ego will try to get me to obey its thought system and to attack others with resentful thoughts. I have an answer. It comes from Jesus: “The Name of God is my inheritance.”
Really, have you given deep thought to the reality and Fact of God lately? God is saving my bacon. Through learning ACIM, to be a miracle worker, I’m not sitting here all hateful because the world is so unfair and I am such a victim. I take seriously the Fact that God’s inheritance is so incredibly more valuable than money that they are incomparable, not even the same dimension. But, through study, I step into that other dimension, the realm of the Spirit, where money is meaningless and God is all there is; and we know it.
This is not the first time that my life has been completely out of control by me and totally in the hands of the universe. I remember the early morning of the day I got kicked out of the monastery. I sat in my monastic cell with Spirit. I said that I had made these vows to God and I was willing to carry them out whether in the convent or out. It turns out: OUT. I was in such a special zone of God’s care. Later that day when they told me I was leaving, I entered a spiritual reality unlike anything I had been conscious of before. But, looking back and looking at things that have happened since, I believe and agree that I am not in charge. My job is to learn the Holy Spirit’s thought system, to learn to experience the content of Love, no matter what the material world looks like. I am still carrying out my monastic vows as a solitary monk in the world.
My marathon tomorrow is turned over to Spirit. I don’t know if I will run really fast or just comfortably. My 30 day ultra retreat starts Monday.
But really, it is because of reliance on God. I am not upset that I am laid off because I believe totally that it is because the Holy Spirit has a new assignment for me. I also believe that work has nothing to do with money. Money and bills are part of the ego world. I am in the service of The Spirit. God is my employer. Now is the time to practice ACIM (A Course in Miracles): forgiveness, miracles and Christ vision. That is my job.
I got in my car and decided to head to Kansas City for a fellowship meeting. As I drove, I felt so pleased: I am totally in the hands of the Universe, of Love. I don’t know where I am going or what I will be doing. I am happy. My little ship is flying free! Yes, my ego will try to get me to obey its thought system and to attack others with resentful thoughts. I have an answer. It comes from Jesus: “The Name of God is my inheritance.”
Really, have you given deep thought to the reality and Fact of God lately? God is saving my bacon. Through learning ACIM, to be a miracle worker, I’m not sitting here all hateful because the world is so unfair and I am such a victim. I take seriously the Fact that God’s inheritance is so incredibly more valuable than money that they are incomparable, not even the same dimension. But, through study, I step into that other dimension, the realm of the Spirit, where money is meaningless and God is all there is; and we know it.
This is not the first time that my life has been completely out of control by me and totally in the hands of the universe. I remember the early morning of the day I got kicked out of the monastery. I sat in my monastic cell with Spirit. I said that I had made these vows to God and I was willing to carry them out whether in the convent or out. It turns out: OUT. I was in such a special zone of God’s care. Later that day when they told me I was leaving, I entered a spiritual reality unlike anything I had been conscious of before. But, looking back and looking at things that have happened since, I believe and agree that I am not in charge. My job is to learn the Holy Spirit’s thought system, to learn to experience the content of Love, no matter what the material world looks like. I am still carrying out my monastic vows as a solitary monk in the world.
My marathon tomorrow is turned over to Spirit. I don’t know if I will run really fast or just comfortably. My 30 day ultra retreat starts Monday.
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