Endurance Obcession

I have spent the past few days really wanting to enter another 24 hour endurance run. But I'm not sure I can get into healed condition. Some of my defects seem to be "for this lifetime." Only if I enter the race would I be able to spend an entire night walking around a reservoir in Boulder, Colorado. What tugs at me is just the idea of walking forever.  I have the notion that walking forever is part of my transcendence.

In the humid heat of evening and the early morning swampy air of El Lago, I walked around and around. I thought about Boulder. I would try to make it a secret race; no accolades or atta girls. Just me walking for as long as I can. Intriguing idea.

My Course in Miracles study has brought me to chapter 9.VIII. Here are some excerpts:

• The grandiosity of the ego is its alternative to the grandeur of God. Which will you choose?
• Grandiosity is always a cover for despair. It is without hope because it is not real. It is an attempt to counteract your littleness, based on the belief that the littleness is real. Without this belief grandiosity is meaningless, and you could not possibly want it.
• The essence of grandiosity is competitiveness, because it always involves attack. It is a delusional attempt to outdo, but not to undo.
• ... your grandeur is your abundance...
• Remember always that you cannot be anywhere except in the Mind of God. When you forget this, you will despair and you will attack