Last night, after living with the reality of "not going 50k" and a very insightful AA meeting, I was meditating on my bed as a last thing before going to sleep. I had the thought: If I had finished the race, my ego would have won.
Then I slept really good and really long, not getting up til 7:30.
Then I came down and was studying chapter 4 of ACIM, "The Illusions of the Ego." The ego defined in ACIM is not the same as the one Freud or other psychologists define. It is merely a part of my belief system. In the text, it is defined numerous ways. The one I read this morning said, "The ego and the spirit do not know each other. The separated mind cannot maintain the separation except by dissociating. Having done this, it denies all truly natural impulses, not because the ego is a separate thing, but because you want to believe that you are. The ego is a device for maintaining this belief, but it is still only your decision to use the device that enables it to endure."
And then further down it says, "You are asked to live so as to demonstrate that you are not an ego..."
OMG! Yesterday was Mission Accomplished. Bingo!
Then, I put on the Mizunos. They felt really good so I decided to go to Meador Park and walk. I was able to painlessly do my 4.2 mph jog/walk with not problem and finished 18 miles.
For today's miles, I practiced a mantra in time with my footsteps: You are asked to live....so as to demonstrate....that you are not an ego....again. The miles became a meditation.
This gave me time to realize lessons learned. My left heel is a mess and no surgeon can fix it. But if I treat it gently, I can go for miles and miles. I can cover 50 miles in 12 hours if I want. I can do a marathon in 6 or so hours each and every day. But the trail yesterday, with its roots and little up and downs, was killing my achilles.
I would also like to add, of the hundreds of race reports of ultra runners which I've read, the non-elite 100 mile finisher spends between 30 and 50 miles in miserable pain. That is why I don't do it. Misery is of the ego. Joy is of the spirit.
So today went really really well. I came home and got the bicep lifts and core done. I amy do a little elliptical later. Additional Succeed Clip2 is ordered for my next debacle: my first double marathon in 3 weeks.
This week: 18 hours, 45 miles and 5 strength sessions.