United Air Lines

Booooo!

I am holding tickets for a trip on United. I don't want to use them. I can cancel the trip and re-schedule, taking credit for this trip. But I don't really feel like going anywhere.

So a weird thought came to me. I wonder if United would use these tickets for a charity case. As in, maybe someone with cancer or needing a transplant could use the ticket.

So, I went to United's web page and found that you can donate your miles to several charities listed there. So I called United and asked if I could donate these tickets. The agent said no, I can't transfer the tickets.

What? Outrageous!  United should be happy to transfer these tickets in the name of charity. WTF!

So I wrote a note to their "contact us" page and told them how stupid that is.

Easter 2013 Multi-Day

On Thursday, I got in 3 hours of workout plus strength.
On Friday, I got the private marathon done plus strength.
On Saturday, I did the half marathon plus elliptical plus strength.

Now it is Sunday. I'm headed to the park for a long walk, plus additional cross training this evening.

Pretty decent 4 days of workout; a multi-day. Just for me. Part of the anti-dopamine project. Downward Mobility in the material world. Drinking the dregs of my personal energy.

But down in my guts, the one thing I always wanted was the spiritual connection. From the start, I observed strange religious behavior and I believed that those people knew God, or Jesus. I tried everything to achieve the reality.

I never made it.

Now that I am studying neuro philosophy/science (brain books), I can't claim that beliefs are based on anything other than warped survival instinct.

But study of A Course in Miracles does help me deal with my fear and have happy days. So do endorphins. But I don't know more than that.

I hope some day I have the spiritual connection. It is the hope and dream of a lifetime; which is slowly and depressingly eroding.

I think I'll go buy something.

Private Super Dopey - 2013 #1, RG #5

Today was a marvelous day in Seabrook. First, since I knew I was only doing 13 miles, I slept in. Then, to avoid the stupid Easter egg hunt, I parked in a different area of the park. Then it was turn on the garmin and do miles.

I did really well. My shoes were very comfortable. My legs felt tired but no new pains. A lady I see alot stopped me to say she noticed how long I was out there yesterday and she was impressed. I found out her name is Clara.

Whats a Super Dopey? The Goofy and the Dopey come from race combinations available at the Walt Disney World (WDW) race weekend in January. I'll never go there, not only for the expense, but I hate amusement parks in general. A Goofy is a half marathon the first day and a full marathon the second day. When I say I do a Reverse Goofy, I mean I do a full marathon the first day and a half the second. Today was my 5th Reverse Goofy of 2013.

Now a Dopey is new. WDW offers a 5k and a 10k, and the Goofy. All together, its a Dopey. So my Super Dopey consisted of a 4 mile run Thursday am, a 7.4 mile run Thursday pm plus the Reverse Goofy. I call it a Super Dopey since it is more than a WDW Dopey.

Look Ma, no entry fees.

And tomorrow, I'll run some more.

I've changed my free weight routine a few days ago. Now, I focus on just one muscle area and try to go AMRAP (as many reps as possible) with it. Very awesome.

Private Marathon - 2013 #3

Today was my third private marathon of 2013. If I walk 13.1 miles tomorrow, it will be my 5th reverse Goofy.

I never know when I am starting out if I will make it to 26 miles. I just have enough water and gel and an energy bar. Then it depends mostly on how my feet feel. Then there is time and weather. Most important, it depends on my mind. I noticed today that I tell myself I'm going to quit right up until I get over the 16 to 17 mile hump. Then, by the time I get to 19 or 20, if my left heel is not in trouble, I find I cannot waste the time and effort it took me to get that far. So I keep going. When I get to 23 to 24 miles, I will keep going despite any pain, but I might walk it out. All this is mental work. It is called going through the wall.

During this run, I was thinking about the cost of marathon races. Almost all of them cost around $100, whether you eat their food or not. Then there is transportation cost and sometimes hotel cost. All this is necessary to get an official result and a medal. My private marathons have the same human fuel cost, but are otherwise free and take much less travel time and much less hassling with people.

I am not really training for anything right now. I run the miles because I want to. Doing miles is somehow wired into my mental circuitry. I said the strangest prayer ever today: Dear whoever is running my mind and making decisions, if you want me to keep going, you will have to do it.

Somehow I kept going, in fact was not able to stop.

I've been reading brain books. The latest one "Brain Wise" by Churchland is easy to read and very informative. I almost understand how an aware self can emerge from neuronal patterns of habit, memory and survival needs. I am in awe of the realization that more than 90% of my thought life is completely unconscious. and almost all of my behavior is originated in survival mechanisms.

Here is my first Marathon Maniac group photo taken at the Navy Marathon last week in Corpus Christi. I am in the yellow sweatshirt. There were several more Maniacs at the race but they didn't happen to make the photo.

And here is an awesome picture of me at Seabrook Lucky Trails 2 weeks ago. Notice I purchased this photo (no watermark). I bought a 5x7 so my home scanner would do a decent job with it.

Joy No Matter What

See this guy?

That's Anton Krupika, elite ultra runner. He lives in Colorado and runs everyday in the mountains. And he gets to hang out with Scott Jurek, another ultra runner.

I used to be jealous of the sense of life and beauty that people like him got to experience every day because they lived in the mountains. I live in ugly Houston where the main feature of the landscape is distillation columns, a huge forest of them.

Today, I was sitting in my office at the chemical plant and looking out the window at some equipment and I thought, "You could feel that aliveness right now. Just feel it."

Wow, you mean the sense of joy/happiness/aliveness has nothing to do with the world? Yup. Just feel it now.

I have on a new pair of shoes and my feet don't hurt. After a nap, it is time for miles.

Of Depression...

...or at least the tendency.

I've had a suckish attitude for a few days. My ability to get along has suffered. But some things have become a little clearer.

1.  I've been in Texas about a year and a half, and in the same job position for a year and a half. But I've always been a bit of a rolling stone. So, now is when I'd usually try to move on. But, I've recently passed up 2 offers to move on. I'm here now as far as I can see. So, it occurred to me this morning that one way I've combated depression is to keep moving. I didn't have to face bleakness if I was on the go; always starting over.

2.  Another thing I do about depression is make endorphins. So exercise becomes mandatory for me as mental therapy. Due to job pressures however, there is always a time conflict. This conflict gets worse the longer I stay in one job.

3.  As a Course in Miracles student however, I hear my Self asking my self, "Why?" as in, "you know this is not true and it is not necessary to pay any attention at all." Depression does not really exist but we habitually create it as a form of specialness or fear. To "accept Atonement for myself" is the heart of what I need to do right now.

4.  Boy, I have to give 3 presentations the second week of April. None of the 3 are close to ready and I don't want to do any of it. I'm really afraid of the Germans who will be here for the meetings; and how inferior I feel at the moment.

5.  But I have a 3 day weekend. I have time for miles and miles. I'm not going to any races, just do my private marathons.

Private Marathons

Sunday, I had a really good time at the Navy Marathon in Corpus Christi. Nice bling. Nice people.

This morning, I went for a test run in a new set of insoles and my left heel felt great. Then I thought, hey, lets go to San Antonio this weekend and run a marathon and a half marathon. I thought I'd do real races instead of my private races.

I got to the signup web page and saw that it would be $200 to enter the 2 races; add in the gas and the hotel and my "click submit" mechanism suddenly stalled. I am already signed up for a race in April which doesn't require a hotel. I might go to Dallas in May.

And so now you know why I don't race that much; and count my private marathons instead. Time and money are at a premium.

Besides the money, there is the time. Time spent driving is time lost from contemplation, pondering that great silence.

So, I will release the stress of going to a race and just stay home. I'll do my miles in Seabrook, nodding happily at the other runners who join me every week.

What is my goal? If I have no plan to talk to anyone about my races, then  private marathon deserves a private goal. Secretly, I record my accomplishment on a piece of paper taped to my bed room wall.

All of this is about fitness, yes. It is also about longevity. It is also about contemplation. In the quietness of my soul, the mind beyond my normal consciousness, the miles symbolize eternity. The miles symbolize peace.

Patriotica

The eagles, the red, white and blue, The thought of Navy ships and men in uniforms, the word "Marathon." All touch my heart. I guess I am American after all.

I ran a marathon today. It was a fun experience. I met several new people. These people were Marathon Maniacs. I met a guy who has completed 1,000 marathons; and another couple of guys who had run 6 or more just this week. There was talk of jumping on airplanes to get to the next place; and I was asked where was I running next week. It occurred to me that if I hung around these people too long, I'd want to be like them. And so I learned that we as people gather into like minded groups and then promote our cause to other people hoping they'll join us. This is not bad, just not good for me who hopes to live a non-dogmatic life and have an original thought sometime before I die. If I want to think outside the box, I have to be outside the box. If I want to be a diverse contributor, then I must remain a diverse person and not be assimilated in the group.

I did really well, since there was a huge wind blowing us along for the first 18 miles. After that, I put my head down and bull dogged my way "uphill" for 8 miles to the finish. You might say that the real race began after 18 miles.

Included in my weekend was a long shopping trip to Barnes and Nobel. I haven't been to one of these since moving to Texas, as the mall is to much trouble for me. But there was a store next to my hotel in Corpus Christi, so I went over to browse. After a very long time, I finally decided to by an Anne Rand book, my 3rd, but I promptly lost it today. But as I browsed, I noted intrigue books, war books, religious books. I could feel my own secret desire to buy yet one more book about religious life. Somehow, the message I got from all this browsing is that we are seeking for something and hope to find it in a book. I do. But that never works.

Of Groups, Chunks and Mirrors

I could have gone to Kansas City today and spent all day tomorrow running 50 miles in a snow storm.

I cancelled that and instead I'll be in Corpus Christi running a marathon:

I have some space in my life to build new chunks: compression of conscious data according to its inherent structure or the way it relates to preexisting memories. I live on interconnected facts assembled by awareness.

There may not be an I who does this. There is an abstract principle of life; at least I insist that there is. Is this a divine principle? I don't know the God behind it. I do know that when I seek the more silent area of my consciousness, I feel more calm and am able to go about my day with less stress.

Walking away from organized religion, I lose the meaning and purpose of life. The path of no-purpose is not grounded and therefore frightening. We scramble for something to hold on to in order to feel ok about ourselves. I have intentionally ripped my self from the society which gives it position.

I try again to know who I am without others approval or opinion. Like, what races or how many miles would I do if I had no one to tell about it?

Reading this blog, someone knows what race I am going in; but there is no one I'm reflecting off of regarding this activity. I need to know. If something is purely for myself, with no outside input, would I do it?

I think I have a better chance of re-writing the ancient survival chunks (like continuous eating) and finding a new awareness of life if I do it apart from society. Society seems to force the ongoing dogma instead of going outside the norms. (see "The Ravenous Brain" for chunk explanations).

I just came back from a 13.6 mile jog. Many thoughts as I went along.

For one, if I maintain a certain speed of about 14 min/mile, I have no trouble with my skeletal deformities.

For another, I recently had an experience with a group. I got them mad at me because I didn't go along with their norms. They stoned me electronically. All groups are like this; either play nice or face the consequences. I know this and I know how to play nice. But in this instance, I felt like saying my opinion. They didn't like it. I got stoned.

This experience caused me to think about relationships. I see most of them as mirrors. That is, this group was a mirror for me to posture and preen in front of, receiving compliments and affirmations as long as I behaved. To some extent, my actual life and thoughts were affected by the mirror.

So now I have walked away from that mirror. I wonder how I will shape my thoughts and experiences without that mirror. I have other mirrors for other purposes; but how will I be in that particular area?

On the Marathon Road Again

So funny.

I cancelled a 50 mile race in Kansas this weekend because I thought the weather would be bad. And so far, it looks like snow and sleet and wind and cold. Not just for running but also for flying and driving. 13 hours of being cold and miserable? No, I'm not a real ultra marathoner.

So, I was surfing the web and ....look'ee there: a marathon in Corpus Christi this weekend.

Hummm, sun, within driving distance, not too expensive, long time limit (so I can walk alot)....YES!

I'll be sunning myself in Texas instead of freezing in Kansas.

A Fork in the Road Passed

This is where I was on Sunday, finishing a half marathon. The plan had been to go to a 50 mile race in Kansas this coming Saturday. But I've been watching the weather for that area. It looks wet (snow, sleet, rain) and cold (30F to 40F) and windy (13-18 mph from the north) for that day. A 50 mile run takes me over 12 hours. I realized I have no desire to be miserable for 12+ hours. So I cancelled my trip.

I still have 3 days off work, so I might run a private marathon or two at home. Its part of my downward mobility project (see below).

Downward mobility is not necessarily a Christian value for me (since I am not really Christian), but de-constructing my ego and not-going-along-with-society certainly are my values. Do you know how hard it is to be of service at work and make sure not to brown nose about it?

This morning, riding my elliptical, I was thinking about how my colleague R was standing in for boss while boss is on medical leave. I realized clearly that R is the one being groomed to move up (and not me). But it also occurred to me that I had been honest with boss about how I didn't want to climb a career ladder but be a technical expert. I also know in my heart that I am more interested in my life activities more than my career. When I think about it consciously, I'm perfectly willing to support R in his career.

That is the fork in the road. I passed it, maybe long ago.

My ego loves to compete at work. So dealing with the emotional urge is hard; partly because the ego goes under ground. You don't know how many resentful failure messages it sends out. Well, in the quietness of my morning meditation, these failure thoughts are easier to spot. And then I can re-center on the choice I made and decide if I still want that choice.

I am part of the massive American eating machine. I'm only skinny because I work out alot. Like many Americans, I have no idea how to eat only as much as I need. It is true, I might be slightly better a food discrimination than most people but only by a fraction.

Pretty soon after waking up this morning, I thought 2 words: joy and happiness. That is a new thing for me to come up with those words before I even got out of bed. They are energy words for me. That is, just thinking the word gives me the feeling of the word. I feel energized without any change in my physical world.

Awesome! Energy!

On this side of the fork, who am I? I know I'm on the road less travelled. I know I hear a different drummer. (re M. Scott Peck books). But what really does it mean in abstract non-material terms?

For most Americans, the downward mobility choice is a choice to stagnate and die. Is that the road I'm on?

Life is momentary for me. I felt it on my elliptical this morning. I felt it in the word "joy." When I run endless miles, it is seeking the eternal value of life. The road after the fork has nothing on it. It has no experiences because it is egoless but eternal.

Sounds boring right? That is how I'm gett'en out of here.



Tuesday, Richard Beck posted this:
http://experimentaltheology.blogspot.com/2013/03/downward-mobility.html

It is about Henri Nouwen's The Selfless Way of Christ.

For some reason, it touched some deep part of me that was the reason I became a spiritual seeker or tried Christianity. The life of the monk is a hidden life; hidden in Christ. It is quiet. It is deep communion with spirit.

Here are some excerpts:

We are taught to conceive of development in terms of an ongoing increase in human potential. Growing up means becoming healthier, stronger, more intelligent, more mature, and more productive. .... In our society, we consider the upward move the obvious one while treating the poor cases who cannot keep up as sad misfits, people who have deviated from the normal line of progress.

 ...

Three temptations by which we are confronted again and again are the temptation to be relevant, the temptation to be spectacular, and the temptation to be powerful.

Who am I when nobody pays attention, says thanks, or recognizes my work?

I think that question sits at the root of our spiritual malaise and weakness. We want people to pay attention to us, to recognize us, to give us our due. This is how our identities, worth and significance are grounded. We want to be relevant, spectacular or powerful. So we go through life fishing for such things, a grasping that keeps knocking us off center, spiritually speaking.

I'm mindful here of something St. Paul wrote to the Thessalonians (1 Thess 4.11):

Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life.

 Nouwan observes, "There is almost nothing more difficult to overcome than our desire for power."

Life or Death

Last weekend, while some people I know were laying in a hospital bed, I was running half marathons. I got such shiney beautiful medals:

Shiney medals are cool but that is not my point.
This morning, as I climbed on the elliptical, I realized: I am engaged in a battle of life or death. Long ago, I quit drinking because I didn't want to be like my mother, a non-sober alcoholic. I didn't want to have cancer 3 times like her either. I didn't want books from the Hemlock Society in my library. If you haven't heard, the Hemlock books discuss how to commit suicide.

From the view on my elliptical this morning, I now realize that my fitness routines are life and death. In particular, when someone at work questions the time spent on health versus career, I'm certain that healthy life is more important to me. Andsince my more successful colleagues are on medication, over weight or in a hospital bed, I no longer have qualms about my commitment. Even the sisters in the convent who didn't like my running fit into the unhealthy category.

Another topic:
I also realized something more about why I walked away from Catholicism. When Pope Benedict was elected, that day, I knew I was done. While I had been struggling with various issues of conscience related to my support of that institution, that day, the balance tipped. Today, I realized that I thought Cardinal Ratzinger (elected Pope Benedict), was evil incarnate. I viewed him as the fixer behind the scenes who was covering up all the church's scandals. A man with screwed up priorities. So I went down to a major river and threw my rosary into the flow. Bye bye religion.

Pope Francis seems like goodness personified; but I cannot go back to a church which in general practices theological discrepancies. And I will never be a follower. My whole ethos is individualism.

Differences

People advise me to look for the similarities not the differences. To do that is to disregard my true desire to not be like them.

This morning, I ran 4 miles in faster than 5 mph speed. I'm spending my mental power on logistics for a 50 mile race next weekend. Meanwhile, my boss lays in a hospital bed for at least another 6 days after "extensive" colon and stomach surgery. Another 2 colleagues in the immediate work group have physical problems and take medication. And I spend my energy on 2 hours of workout daily.

No, I don't want to relate or be one of. Weekly, I stand in a meeting and keep quiet as the group says the Lord's Prayer together. I cannot say that prayer as its current meaning is not what Jesus meant.

The new pope has displayed a simplicity of life for which I strive. But when it comes to the ongoing practice of privileging priests, I think nothing will change. I continue to with hold my support from such an institution.

I don't: watch TV, drink, go to church, have a family, go to movies, have a fb page, have a mortgage, eat meat, etc. These are all material world things, but they point to my radical existential difference. I don't want to join the dying crowd. I'd rather be a part of the transcendence.

I have had a difficult time with my attitude this week. Today, I started studying A Course in Miracles text for the 9th time. I had no inkling of self crumminess or soul failure today.

I will walk the path of solitude alone because this is what I can support with my moral fiber.

Empty

This morning I had a hard time getting out of bed. Not because of the time change; I was awake before the alarm. I just didn't want to get up. Perhaps I am in the grip of a life crisis, or perhaps my modus operandi is catching up with me.

Other than going to work to earn money, I have no need to get out of bed. I continue to reflect on my life and can't see its purpose, the patterns don't have meaning for me.

But then, as I lay in bed, the phrase "an empty room" crossed my mind. For some reason, this was an exciting idea and caused me to jump up.

I'm a little over 54. At 55, my mother retired and became a full time drunk living off an attorney husband. The emotional trauma of our household got markedly worse. The day I quit drinking over 27 years ago, I vowed not to be like my mother. Within 2 days of getting out of the monastery and observing my 50 something friends with health issues, I vowed not to be fat and sedentary and eat their crap.

I get up at 3:15 and do some spiritual reading. This reading seems to help my attitude a great deal. Then I work out for 75 to 85 minutes. This also helps my attitude and it is a continuation of the spiritual pondering and prayer. Then I go to work.

My daily routine is not meaningful to me. I quit trying to blame everything on God, and so that ended my attempts to make meaning of anything. My daily life is survival. I am realistic about how false everything is.

Now, I return to the empty room. I wish my life had more time for empty miles.

Playing with Life

I have for 5 days been playing with a life decision. See, I noticed my company posted a job which I was eligible for which was a potential promotion. Rather than formally apply, I called the hiring manager to get more information and determine his interest level. I talked to him on Thursday and we agreed to talk again this Tuesday.

This life decision came up at this time and will be determined in my current spiritual mode: slim.

This life decision is also just a thought at the moment; not something real or unavoidable. What I think of it is purely my projection.

So I think about this change. Maybe it is a small financial gain. Not much new learning, not much integration to a global Center of Excellence. A draw back in the associated colleagues I already don't respect.

I was thinking about this as I ran in the park this morning. At first, I thought that I had woken up with a positive desire to move to this other place. Then I thought about how I think person X is an idiot and I don't want to be in the same work space as him. Then, I found myself slipping in to prayer: turning it over to a Higher Power. Is this habit or truth?

Now, a few hours later, in the context of my brain studies, I think this, "I have no freaking idea what the purpose of my life is." So how do I make this decision except financially and happiness. What survival instinct drives this? What Spiritual connection urges it?

I may not really have free will in the survival area. I feel inner peace when I seek a silent connection with some consciousness greater than myself.

But now, Sunday afternoon, I am off to spend a few hours at my current job doing pre-startup safety reviews.

The Non-instinctive Life

I've left aside spiritual reading for a little while in order to read some neuroscience (brain books). It is a kind of spiritual study if you admit that you can't define God or Spirit until after you define physiology and chemistry and evolutionary patterns.

Currently reading "The Ravenous Brain." This morning I read, "We overeat because normally, in nature, food is scarce, so when there is a plentiful supply, the desire to stock up is incredibly powerful. We suffer heavy stress, even when there is not even a remote threat to our lives, because we are built to strive desperately in a dangerous world. We are also engineered to impress -- to rise socially as far as we can -- partly to secure more resources, but also to find sexual mates. Sex is one of the main driving forces of adult life, because, after all, passing on our own brand of genetic ideas is the main evolutionary purpose of our existence."

So I understand my fights and my fears. I understand those powerful urges, maybe not overcome even if a different conscious choice is attempted.

Prayer is a belief that one of these instincts can be met by divine intervention.

I went running. I noticed that cigarette butts laying on the ground represent a threat to my life. I thought about how I evaluate every single man in terms of his usefulness as a mate or as a threat to my safety. The people closest to me are most likely to try to control my behavior so that I am not a threat to their evolutionary success. Some of my exercise is in the "survival of the fittest" category. The little things I do to please the boss or gets positive attention are evolutionary difficult to escape behaviors.

I try to give up the dopamine reward cycle. I am not fat. I don't go along with the tribe. I don't want to live a food centered life. I'm celibate. I don't know if I believe in God or not at the moment. I want to run endless miles. This represents eternity to me. I still sit in silence and listen. My intuitive thoughts come this way; I just don't think it is God talking to me. I go to work, pay the bills and have no purpose.

The Nature of Things

1. Almost all stories and teachings that I have read about how to connect with God require an altered state of consciousness. That is: meditation, adoration, drugs, brain injury, fasting, long distance running, isolation and silence.

2. Sometimes God comes as a spontaneous gift of revelation. Nothing can be done to make this happen.

So, the normal waking awareness is not enough for divine Union. At least, that's what we all believe. I personally think that divine union experienced as a result of one of the items in #1 above are yielding a false god; more likely just brain chemistry in action. God is really dopamine.

3. My main fear is of other people.

I live in a totally man made environment. There is very little about nature in my daily life. All of my daily challenges come from encounters with others. Most people don't like to identify this fact so clearly or admit that fear of others is the main driving force.

I've spent my adult life chasing God. I've claimed that the use of spiritual practices has made me a person of great inner calm. At this point in my life, I have rejected the dopamine God.

I am alive and very emotionally stable; but I have no actual purpose for being alive. Unless you say that faith in the eventual spontaneous coming of Revelation is what I am living for, then I don't have a purpose.

If I see my purposelessness as a horrible thing, very sad, then no wonder I try desperately to find a purpose in serving God. It seems ridiculous that a human race would exist with consciousness but utterly no higher reason for being alive. So, yes we are driven to find the higher. We can't stand being nothing. (Especially Americans).

Should I go participate in public service so that I can feel good about my existence? haha, no I'll just go consume some more.

Of Private Marathons

There was a marathon in Houston yesterday. So had I wanted to drive 60 miles (one way) to the site both on Friday to pick up my packet and again on Saturday to run the race, I could have done it. Had I wanted to pay more than $100 for the privilege of entering this race, I could have done it.

But I am sort of sour on these ideas. I like to run alot, but not necessarily to waste all this time and money.

On January 12, I turned 54. I planned an athletic weekend for myself which included a 26.2 mile run. I got interested in running as many marathons as I could this year. But, I allow myself to run private marathons because I have no need to prove to anybody what I did.

I don't cheat in real races and I don't cheat myself in private events.

If I run a 26.2 mile run, or go in a 26.2 mile race, I do at least 13.1 miles (at least) that weekend also (making a Goofy or Reverse Goofy, without the cost of going to Disney World). A Goofy gives me the personal satisfaction of listing the event on a piece of paper pinned to the wall where all my other swag is.

So, I tried to run 26 miles on Friday, but my insole design for a new pair of shoes was crap and beat the hell out of my left heel, so I stopped at 21.8 miles. Then, Saturday (new insole design), I walked 16.8 miles and went easy on myself. But today, Sunday, I felt great and my shoes felt great. So I walk/jogged the whole 26.2 miles.

I completed a private multi-day and a private super sized Goofy. I'm happy with that. I went to Marathon Maniacs and listed my 26.2 mile training run. Its official, my 4th marathon of the year is complete.

Adoration

Yes, I would like to fall on my kness and be in abject awe of The Divine.

I don't do it by sitting in front of a piece of bread. Just the thought "Adoration" causes me to pause. And then contemplation springs up. Contemplation of anything.

Yes, contemplation of Jesus crucified is a worthy image. Be silent when you do this. Do not repeat to yourself anything you may have read in the Bible or in church.