...or at least the tendency.
I've had a suckish attitude for a few days. My ability to get along has suffered. But some things have become a little clearer.
1. I've been in Texas about a year and a half, and in the same job position for a year and a half. But I've always been a bit of a rolling stone. So, now is when I'd usually try to move on. But, I've recently passed up 2 offers to move on. I'm here now as far as I can see. So, it occurred to me this morning that one way I've combated depression is to keep moving. I didn't have to face bleakness if I was on the go; always starting over.
2. Another thing I do about depression is make endorphins. So exercise becomes mandatory for me as mental therapy. Due to job pressures however, there is always a time conflict. This conflict gets worse the longer I stay in one job.
3. As a Course in Miracles student however, I hear my Self asking my self, "Why?" as in, "you know this is not true and it is not necessary to pay any attention at all." Depression does not really exist but we habitually create it as a form of specialness or fear. To "accept Atonement for myself" is the heart of what I need to do right now.
4. Boy, I have to give 3 presentations the second week of April. None of the 3 are close to ready and I don't want to do any of it. I'm really afraid of the Germans who will be here for the meetings; and how inferior I feel at the moment.
5. But I have a 3 day weekend. I have time for miles and miles. I'm not going to any races, just do my private marathons.