Playing with Life

I have for 5 days been playing with a life decision. See, I noticed my company posted a job which I was eligible for which was a potential promotion. Rather than formally apply, I called the hiring manager to get more information and determine his interest level. I talked to him on Thursday and we agreed to talk again this Tuesday.

This life decision came up at this time and will be determined in my current spiritual mode: slim.

This life decision is also just a thought at the moment; not something real or unavoidable. What I think of it is purely my projection.

So I think about this change. Maybe it is a small financial gain. Not much new learning, not much integration to a global Center of Excellence. A draw back in the associated colleagues I already don't respect.

I was thinking about this as I ran in the park this morning. At first, I thought that I had woken up with a positive desire to move to this other place. Then I thought about how I think person X is an idiot and I don't want to be in the same work space as him. Then, I found myself slipping in to prayer: turning it over to a Higher Power. Is this habit or truth?

Now, a few hours later, in the context of my brain studies, I think this, "I have no freaking idea what the purpose of my life is." So how do I make this decision except financially and happiness. What survival instinct drives this? What Spiritual connection urges it?

I may not really have free will in the survival area. I feel inner peace when I seek a silent connection with some consciousness greater than myself.

But now, Sunday afternoon, I am off to spend a few hours at my current job doing pre-startup safety reviews.