Finally my own words to describe not only my life, but why I think its emotionally difficult. I live outside the pattern of normal society and so I feel friction all the time.
As far as being a woman: I don't use my body for sex. I work in a man's career with all men.
As far as religion: I've struck out on my own.
As far as fitness: I'm a freaking ultra-marathoner for gods sake.
As far as diet: not only vegetarian, but I have switched away from the traditional high carb diet.
As far as entertainment: I don't ever do it.
So really, no friends, no voting, no career ambitions, no family, no holidays, no alcohol or drugs, no TV, no lots of stuff.
I like me the way I am, but I feel friction for not-going-along. But I am rejoicing right now as I've finally figured out what to call it. I'm rejoicing because I understand the direction of my psyche. Being out of pattern is not something I can change. Its probably hardwired into my brain. I somply can't go be a normal person; that would cause worse emotions than the ones I feel for my differences.