This morning, in my morning ACIM study (28.II), I read, “The miracle establishes you dream a dream, and that its content is not true. This is a crucial step in dealing with illusions. No one is afraid of them when he perceives he made them up…. The miracle is the first step in giving back to cause the function of causation, not effect.”
I thought, “I must have learned something from the course or experienced something of a miracle if I believe, or am willing to believe, that the world-as-I-see-it is my dream. Some healing must have occurred.” It may have required reading the ACIM text almost 5 times and the work book twice, but I think I finally took the first step. [Wow! Amazing! Considering ACIM is so far off the religion map, it truly is amazing that I might have learned some of it. Maybe I can gain inner peace after all.]
The ACIM text dryly discusses the dream and the dreamer. I have to get the text into my own heart to know I am learning. My thinking I might have taken the first step framed my thoughts from last night into a context that made sense.
Last night, I thought, “I have held the ‘world-as-I-see-it’ in a strangle hold of hatred and a death grip of fear since ancient times;” all the while attempting to pound it to death with thoughts. Just before thinking this, I realized I was finally able to take my hand off the hot stove of certain social interactions. If I finally let go of the hot stove, I am free. When I realized how I had been trying to strangle the world-as-I-see-it, but that it was not the real world, I somehow did sense the innocence of the real world.
Today I recognized that last night’s thought (the strangle hold of hatred which I could let go and see innocence) was my internalization of ACIM. This morning I realized that “the-world-as-I-see-it” is my own terminology for the dream. Reading a book is interesting but useless if you can’t do what it says. When I work at something long enough to put it in my own words, internalize it, then I know the information did help me progress somehow.
I don’t have to be afraid if I understand that my former hatred has no effects, no payback, no punishments, nothing. It was a dream of hatred. When I sense the innocence of the real world, all around me, I also sense that it is God; and it is God I been trying to choke to death while bashing His head into the ground; and whom I have been afraid of since ancient times. I understand that I hate God because I didn’t know the dream was mine. I feared God because I thought he would know of my hatred and punish me for it.
Really, I admit this! Sit quietly with your thoughts and the Holy Spirit long enough and you’ll admit the same thing. I am not unique, just different in that I do sit quietly with my Teacher and work on my lessons.
“This world is full of miracles. They stand in shining silence next to every dream of pain and suffering, of sin and guilt. They are the dream’s alternative, the choice to be the dreamer, rather than deny the active role in making up the dream. They are the glad effects of taking back the consequence of sickness to its cause. The body is released because the mind acknowledges “this is not done to me, but I am doing this”. And thus the mind is free to make another choice instead. Beginning here, salvation will proceed to change the course of every step. in the descent to separation, until all the steps have been retraced, the ladder gone, and all the dreaming of the world undone.”
I have hope that perhaps I actually am re-tracing my steps to go home.
I apologize that my explanation might not be good enough to strike you with how momentous it is that I might actually understand that I am the dreamer of the dream and that it is just a dream. I realize that what I cut out of ACIM text is out of context and not really understandable without reading the whole book. Also, when I try to explain how bits and pieces have suddenly fallen together for me, it is impossible for me to put it into words in a coherent way without writing a book. So, if my blog confuses you, don’t feel bad.
[Before I started to read the ACIM text the first time, I read a book by Gary Reynard. After reading that book I decided to tackle ACIM. At the outset, I knew I would have to dedicate at least one year to doing the workbook, but that it would take at least 5 years of study to have a good understanding of the material]
I ran 3:25 in bright sunshine, showered and ate a cheese sandwich. Melted cheese sandwiches on sourdough bread qualify as a major food treat for me.