I got up at 5 am and had an hour of spiritual study. Then I went to 6:30 am Mass. In Mass, it is very quiet with 30 or so adults scattered throughout a large church. People sit quietly in meditation and are very respectful of the silence. Perhaps we are in awe as we remember the Consciousness of Love which watches over us always. I don't say anything to any one. My body speaks liturgical language too. Today, my mouth spoke only liturgical language until about 11:30, when I spoke to the lady at the license bureau.
After church, I went for a run. I went to Parkville by the Missouri River. It was about 12F, no wind, clear sky. I decided to wear my yak-trak since the path was half snow covered. How long should I run for? Until.....
While running, I thought about being a solitary semi-hermit and how that has transformed since I moved to the city. The starting point of each day is solitude and connection with God. Then I try to bring the awareness out. I continue to live as a marginalized person and have no intention of rejoining the group. But it is happy for me to finally accept this circumstance of my life. The spiritual has been my interest for over 30 years. It makes since that I wouldn't understand people who chose family or career or some other distraction from The One Consciousness Who Loves Us.
I explore silence for silence sake. I don’t choose it out of hate or injury but for the sake of it itself. Maybe I could say that I believe silence is for ego transcendence. The other side of the ego transcendence coin is acceptance of higher truth. Acceptance of higher truth can only happen beyond the ego. Being social bolsters the ego and noises out that which is higher.
There are so many interesting things I find when I consider solitude: the addictiveness of society, the programming undertaken to become social, the peer pressure saying I am wrong, the ego inflation when others praise me, the anger towards others, the judgments of others, the un-productivity of solitude, the worthlessness of the un-engaged solitary. But, I could walk away. I could give the ego and the turmoil up. It is consistent with A Course in Miracles (ACIM) to walk away because it denies the ego illusion and receives inner peace. I can go farther into “losing my life for Christ’s sake.”
ACIM is always reminding me that Christ is within, Christ is very silent. So, am I willing to let go of the world to a greater extent and stand in my truth? I stand naked and alone. Naked because I have no excuses for NOT being social (I am not too busy and I am local); yet, I choose silence. I am not trying to prove anything or be anything (like a monk or contemplative); yet I practice silence. I have a lot to learn.
So...I ran around the park for 15 miles. Then, I decided to go ahead and finish another 5 miles as nothing bad was going on with my legs and I don't know what the weather and footing might be like on Sunday. 20 miles, 3;48, 3 Gu, some water.
A quick stop to pay the sales taxes on my new car. The license bureau is in a pet store; so I bought a small token of appreciation for my spiritual guide, CM, who lives in Canada and prays for me. (hehe)