Monday, December 21, 2009


I got up at 3:45 with the alarm. my first thought was: Why did I come here? There is no reason for me to be alive.

At this point, if you read this blog often, you might have realized that it is not a fu fu blog about how to be happy and feel good. This blog is not for sissies who only want to hear the good; because the bad and the ugly is what I live with. I have no drama; but a wealth of negativity. It does me no good to read a book on happiness. My best shot is awareness plus surrender.

This is a blog about my daily grasp at spiritual straws in order to keep from killing myself. Any inspiration comes from the fact that I succeed at living each day.

I can't relate when people tell me happiness is a choice; so just chose it. This morning, I could relate to the idea of the Presence of Love. I can pause and call to mind the Presence of Love. I don't ask it for anything or expect anything from it. I just remember it.

Then, I did a core workout and ran 3 miles. I ran 63 miles last week. I'm going to try to take it a little easy this week because I am entered in a marathon next Sunday.

I went to Mass this morning. Sitting there I thought, "I don't have to do anything. I am free." Sweet!

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