I graduated from high school early. I got a full time job at a hamburger joint as I had several months before college started. In those evenings, I would sit in our living room with my brother's college calculus text. I would ponder the confusing mathematics of differentiation and integration, and work problems. My father would be there laying on the couch, asleep with the newspaper collapsed on his face. My mother, in a drunken stupor would be in her room with the TV blaring. I suppose my brother was studying in his room. It was the peaceful aftermath of whatever torture had gone on at dinner, when my mother, in a drunk blackout, would attack us visciously in whatever way would hurt us the most.
I went on to college. There, at the suggestion of a physics professor, I read the huge physics tombs written by Feynman. Feynman shared a love of physics and opened the universe through applied mathmatics. I loved it.
Then, at the end of college I went to Israel. I came home wanting to know God. So I sat down with a Bible twice a day and studied.
Now I sit and study A Course in Miracles. The Course contains differentiation and integration, physics and holy scripture. It is the Voice of Jesus or The Holy Spirit or Self or Source. This morning, the Text gripped my imagination as I could see the way to Love and my role, not only for myself but also as a means for peace for everyone. Enthralled and enraptured by the Voice, I gave additional time to God. I gave additional time to meditation; sitting in the light, knowing it is real, knowing I yet sleep and dream of this ego world.
One way to hear God and live in the realm of the Spirit, is to turn off the ego world; literally stop listening to it. The ego world is but a projection. The projection I see is somewhat collective, but also it is mine. I admit that the fear and anger I see is mine; and I admit this to Jesus, holding it out to the light. The "financial crisis" is partly mine. But I have turned it off, including divesting myself of all "stock" in it, and turning off the radio. I am taking my own inventory and letting Jesus have my hate and fear.
I want to invest in something different. This morning, pondering the Text, I pondered the holy relationship. I had an interpretation of a holy relationship which I really can call an investment in something different, the realm of the Spirit; and it works for a contemplative, and for someone who lives in the world with others who have not heard what a holy relationship is, or who still believe this place is real, not an illusion. It is my interpretation of a real relationship; but if it makes sense, invest in it, take it to the bank, hold it safely within your mind. It will produce happy dreams and the awakening in Heaven.
My holy relationship: is my relationship with my brother, held in a perfect love on the holy ground within the inner radiance, and where the Holy Spirit has taken charge at my request. This center of perfect love is in Chirst, with Christ, the Christ. It is blessed and surrounded and permeated by Source. (ref T18.I)
Is this not a true gift of peace from a loving God, from a Teacher (the Holy Spirit), and from a Friend (Jesus)? I see how if I grasp this inner relationship, I will project peace. I want to project peace more than I want to project fear. Projecting peace is sanity and it is provided by something other than the ego world. Jesus, I'm willing. Jesus, I accept your peace. Jesus, I am willing to be the means for peace to extend beyond me to my brother. Jesus, yes. Jesus, thank you!