Chapter 27 of A Course in Miracles (excerpt): "...The dreaming of the world is but a part of your own dream you gave away, and saw as if it were its start and ending, both. Yet was it started by your secret dream, which you do not perceive although it caused the part you see and do not doubt is real....A brother separated from yourself, an ancient enemy, a murderer who stalks you in the night and plots your death, yet plans that it be lingering and slow; of this you dream. Yet underneath this dream is yet another, in which you become the murderer, the secret enemy, the scavenger and the destroyer of your brother and the world alike. Here is the cause of suffering, the space between your little dreams and your reality. The little gap you do not even see, the birthplace of illusions and of fear, the time of terror and of ancient hate, the instant of disaster, all are here. Here is the cause of unreality....You are the dreamer of the world of dreams...Accept the dream He gave instead of yours..."
Today, as I was running, I was pondering some phrases from this chapter. I spend time in solitude. Which means that my inner most thoughts come to my consciousness in stark visibility. A Course in Miracles explains that no one is guilty, but dreaming a dream of guilt. I hadn't seen it before, but this time, of numerous readings of the Text, I noticed that bit about the secret dream underneath the dream of the world. And as I ran, I felt the secret dream. The guilt was attacking me for not being perfect enough, or being afraid of what others think of me, or.....yadda yadda. I am always guilty in my world dream and in my secret dream.
So, in A Course in Miracles, you bring this fear and guilt to the Holy Spirit Who "un-does" it. See, it never existed except in my dreams. And, the Holy Spirit can awaken me from my terror dreams to happy dreams to full awakening from dreams.
And you see, that leaves me with my belief and faith in such a thing as a Holy Spirit, or a Higher Power, or Something More than just my ego consciousness and the world I see.
How do I know there is a Holy Spirit? I have no proof. There is an explanation for this in A Course in Miracles. But right now today, I need help with guilt feelings for not being super woman, or "engaged with the guys at work woman". Over and over each day in this world, I feel guilty for some shortcoming. Every day I don't measure up. And I feel guilty and I fear what the others think.
In my solitude, I face this reality. My prayer goes to the Holy Spirit. My prayer is thoughts from this Course which negate the guilt and fear. And, yes, I forget the guilt and fear until the next time. This seems to be my life's work: practicing the Course over and over each day.