A New World

For me, the past two days have been an awakening. As if when the Mayan era ended, I did indeed step into a new reality.

Yesterday, I expressed it as being fucked by monastic teachings. Today, I describe it as leaving a world of spiritual make-believe in favor of a God reality right here and now. The words come for the Big Book of AA, page 130:
"Those of us who have spent much time in the world of spiritual make-believe have eventually seen the childishness of it. This dream has been replaced by a great sense of purpose, accompanied by a growing consciousness of the power of God in our lives....We have found nothing incompatible between a powerful spiritual experience and a life of sane and happy usefulness."

I have a ton of mental barriers associated with monasticism. The people who wear pretty clothes or eat meat are not evil and will not hurt me. The gruff old men sitting in AA meetings often have wisdom I don't have.

When I approach one of my barriers, I cannot at times go past it. The best I can do is keep my mouth shut and not refute what another person is saying. And at some point, I will act my way into the new way of living.

God is in charge and I just try to be useful and sober.

In an interesting way, everything that seems like a gift of AA also seems to originate from A Course in Miracles study. Today, I am on lessons 130/1:
"It is impossible to see two worlds.
Let me accept the strength God offers me
and see no value in this world
that I may find my freedom.
No one can fail who seeks to reach the truth.
I ask to see a different world and think a different kind of thought.
The thoughts I want to think are not my own."

It means using not my ego eyes or thought system; and instead allowing the Holy Spirit to guide my thinking and using Christ vision to see.

This journey is self transcendence at its finest.