Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Road Trip - Raleigh Durham

I walk through the airport, a very bland person. I use the restroom. Usually some lady tells me this is the ladies room; meaning, aren't I a guy?

I don't look very much like a girl. Yesterday, I wore a pink shirt and that helped.

In my hotel last night, I wondered, "Who am I and why am I here?" The nature of my spirituality is gazing. I gaze inward and admire the love which resides there, asking for nothing.

I worry about things. Mostly, regarding work, I worry that I won't go along with certain social activities because I sincerely think it they are a degradation of the human spirit. The mental conflict between not-going-along and staying true to myself is annoying and frightening. This tension shows that I live mentally in this world. I'm not some advanced spiritualist. But I can step back and also remember trust in my soul, that inner love I spoke of just the last paragraph. That I am able to separate at all shows some spiritual identification.

The worry over going to dinner or not represents my ideas and fears. The situation is an illusion made by me. When I remember that, I'm in a much better position to correct my thinking and heal the roots of the problem. The problem is not what the others think of me, but the inner fear I carry. Fear, not of them, but of God.

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