I spent 4 years in a monastery under extremely heavy religious indoctrination. And then I spent another year in a parish doing post-monastic-Catholic indoctrination. I failed my post-monastic-Catholic indoctrination.
I've spent the past 6 years (7?) trying various spiritual tools, trying to figure which one would lead me to direct knowledge of God (sometimes called enlightenment). Its possible that it has taken me more time after Catholicism than during Catholicism to let go of Catholic and monastic teachings. I would say that my religious studies are at an ebb right now.
The person who has the initial spiritual experience tries to share or explain or teach the experience. No one gets it. But they do invent a religion based on whatever the initiator said. The religion never even comes close to providing the initiator's experience.
Quite apart from my religious studies, I spend a good deal of time in solitude; where I just sit quietly in the presence. This is where I am at now: bare Spirit, no religious clothing. When I stop to notice the quiet presence, it is there. The quiet presence be trusted. The quiet presence really doesn't need to be more than that. And, whats been hard for me, is that the quiet presence is not less than someone else's enlightenment experience.
It sounds like I have zero confidence in my own spiritual revelations; and so you might think that they must not be the real deal. I don't blame you because for years I wanted the more elaborate spiritual experience. I am certain that if I had not compared myself to others, I'd be perfectly happy with myself. Comparisons and judgments are my real problem; not God.
No comments:
Post a Comment