More than anything. I find what I'm hungry for when I shut my eyes and listen in silence, searching my mind, looking at the inner light. There, I find Something. There I connect to Something.
Oh so long ago, barely a teenager, I began to seek for something in endurance. I swam back and forth in a pool by myself. I rode a ten speed bicycle by myself. I shot baskets by myself. I ran by myself. I even tried to work with a horse in the mountains of Squaw Valley, California. Endless hours devoted to endurance.
What I find in silence, I also find in endurance. I could say I find nothing. Or I find the nothing which is the Something. But there is nothing to want about it; except this nothingness keeps calling me back. I keep going to the nothingness. I go with my worldly ambitions and fears; and come back with nothing. And then do it again. And then do it again.
I seek to connect to Something which gives me nothing and for which I thirst. This seeking is the ultimate ultra, endless silence, infinite long slow distance. No medals. No t-shirts. No qualifications. Just an ineffable endless nothing connected to Something.
Slowly, day after day, I play with Endurance; and my world transforms, perception shifts. I allow this world to slip away.
Be open. Consider Something more. Let It have control. There is nothing for me to do but long slow distance.
This morning, I was so filled with joyous gratitude. I worked out for 40 minutes on ex-machines and then ran for 55 minutes in a warm humid pre-dawn hilly heaven. I am so happy with this.