Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Day 3 – 61 hours of juice fasting

I am juice fasting as a duty to my body. It is rejuvenation. It is transformation. It is space and silence and listening.

When I was driving home at lunchtime, I really wanted to eat. But I prayed for Jesus to come into my fast. The word "prayer" has been on my mind. At lunch time, I pondered the subject. I have no answers. I get the most from prayer if I just stop and sink into it wordlessly. There are no new prayer techniques that are going to be more entertaining for the ego. God is satisfying but not at the ego level; and it is the ego I experience most of the time. So at lunch, I was able to pray and patiently wait. Prayer in this way becomes communion; but not ego gratification. This may be a lesson I am learning about the fact of God's presence.

Coming back from lunch, I searched the internet looking for "something." I found that fasting is for sale. Everything is for sale nowadays. We need to stop buying, but “they” want us to keep buying. I will have to practice my fasting and come to my own conclusions. Like most things in this life, I’ve read everyone else’s book. I know the techniques. Now it is up to me to journey forth and find my own gold.

Back to the nagging doubts: I guess because my bowel is empty, I want to eat. I guess because I am tired of the juice, I want to eat. I may switch to Master Cleanser for a few hours, because this does not turn me off. The distilled water is delicious.

Well, there was another change at work: one of the top dogs was fired (we have been downsizing for months). Change scares me and I want to eat. But change is also transformation. Fasting is about transforming inside: so I go back to my inner searching, investigating fear and seeking Presence. Both are there. They are the gold. They are satisfying.

May I always subsist, abide and love this Communion with Them, which is so greatly on my mind and contained in “prayer.”

Distilled water is the water of life.

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