Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Angry Misfit finds Inner Peace

Yesterday I was in emotional turmoil because someone didn't like my critical and forceful attitude (read politically incorrect). I took some words from their e-mail to me and thought, "They think I am an angry misfit (toward their organization)." I went to meditate and listen to some thoughts other than my own. After a brief while, I became happy that I had been labeled an angry misfit. Ifelt elated and at peace. "Yes I am," came screaming our of my psyche.

I am a long distance runner; not an over-weight, pansey assed, donut eater. I have an attitude which incessantly pushes my personal performance envelope; instead of living in comfortable mind-numbing complacency. Other people do not like to encounter this attitude because it pushes and doesn't give. It feels rigid because it has standards. The attitude is one of insisting on vibrant life; not mediocrity.

I felt free and peaceful with this realization because I was finally accepting of myself. All my life, I've tried to hem myself in because my attitude scares others; especially since it is combined with a quick intelligence and dry wit. But, hemming myself in has produced anger. Accepting the attitude as the very power and life blood of my essence helped me to feel free and well towards myself. I am in inner peace because I've accepted my essence.

As I accepted my essence, I realized that I had been carrying around some egotized and dogmatic programming of what a peaceful person appears to be. Say the word peace and I project some quiet person who always says nice things and never gets upset. This image is based on society's programming because society doesn't want any boat shakers around. I realized that just because you rock the boat doesn't mean you don't have inner peace. Inner peace and outer peace are not the same thing. Outer peace, the image of perfection, is an ego invention. Inner peace is truth. Inner peace simply exists. Inner peace is found by accepting yourself exactly as you are; ceasing to fight. As I cease to fight myself, I won't appear angry to others.

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