The Gift of Freedom

I want to live in God and nowhere else.

I must go through life as a well loved Child of God and nothing else. Nothing but God can give me happiness.

From A Course in Miracles 8.IV.1-3:

• If God’s Will for you is complete peace and joy, unless you experience only this you must be refusing to acknowledge His Will.
• I (Jesus) am come as a light into a world that does deny itself everything. It does this simply by dissociating itself from everything.
• I (Jesus) said that I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. That is why I am the light of the world. If I am with you in the loneliness of the world, the loneliness is gone. You cannot maintain the illusion of loneliness if you are not alone.
• The world must therefore despise and reject me (Jesus), because the world is the belief that love is impossible.
• If you will accept the fact that I (Jesus) am with you, you are denying the world and accepting God. My will is His, and your decision to hear me is the decision to hear His Voice and abide in His Will.

I love ACIM because it helps me live happy and joyous and loved. This Jesus is with me always, in real time, now. This Jesus is not safely in a box on an altar. He is with me now, shining his light in my thoughts, dispelling every resentment I give to him and filling me with joy. I live strong in Jesus. I walk with joy because Jesus has taught me how. My day sounds impossible, but since I walk with God and Jesus, nothing else matters. Since I walk with God and Jesus, my ego is powerless.

I am in love with Jesus. I have known this since being kicked out of the convent; but it has grown daily since then, over 5 years.

Live Strong

If anyone wonders why I love A Course in Miracles, check out tomorrow's lesson for me: "Be in my mind, my Father, through the day."

This thought will save my bacon. I am going to drive 5 hours to a one hour job interview and then drive 5 hours back. It seems like a futile exercise. I might not even want the job if it is offered. But I have invited God into my mind. It affirms my current out look on life: I am looking for the position God wants me to have where I serve Him, not myself. As such, the interview tomorrow is part of what God wants me to do. It is already part of my job of being of service to God and not myself.

If I fill my mind with God, then my mind won't be filled with my ego. Unless I displace my ego from my mind, I will have to spend all day listening to it tell me how stupid I am, worthless and I'll never get a good job. Do you think I want to spend all day thinking that? NO!!! So instead I choose to have God in my mind.

When my goal is to be of maximum service to God, and I do not consider my life to be mine, then all things are much more pleasant. If I consider God to be my Author and the Author of my life, I can let go and let God manage everything. My life is not my problem. The only problem I ever had was listening to an ego yell at me. I'm done believing the ego. I prefer to have God in my mind. I'm perfectly happy to go along with God's gig.

Today I ran 5.4 miles, walked 60 minutes and sat in silence for two hours. I am glad I learned to sit. It makes me much happier than watching TV would. I bought a Lance Armstrong yellow hat that says "LiveStrong." After reading the latest book, I am a Lance fan; but more importantly, I am going to live strong in God. (never give up - as Jo would say)

Ultra-sitting

I woke up this morning transformed; something had been let go of.

Ultra-sitting:

Delving the silence. Panning the silence. The treasure silence yields is not shiny baubles, not worldly fortune. The treasure is barely recognizable, easily thrown away in a pile of worthless ego thoughts. The treasure of silence is a void in the stream of consciousness, actual egoless non-consciousness. Step into the void. Fall into its depths. The void of silence is the way to the underworld, to the beyond, to the place so feared because it is entered in poverty of mind, poverty of spirit and poverty of belongings.

Ah! I have hit on the perfect word: belongings. I prepare to move out of this world by clearing out my belongings. I do not belong anywhere. I let go of my extravagant pile of books and clothes. Belongings are my worldly positions in society and economy and nation and world. Belongings are my positions, fancied or illusioned. Belongings are my opinions, attitudes and worldly beliefs.

No, I don't belong; and so I jump into the void.

The void is my God-capsule. Like a space capsule, it is my vehicle for travel outside the world. Silence is my companion. Poverty is my aerodynamics and my anti-matter propulsion.

The void of silence is my mind as God created it; such pure love, free of any thought that God did not think. Once entered, it expands into oneness with Infinite Love, All That Is.

You are with me in the oneness, the fellowship of the spirit. I call the fellowship the void because there is no ego there; hence no ego world. The void terrifies because it is entered without an ego, as nothing, in poverty. Once there, it is possible to learn of pure total Love...

... and total trust in Love alone.

What a blessing: my god has forsaken me.

Silence

When I go running, I might see something that gets my attention and seems meaningful; like a skunk or a snake or a deer or a rainbow. I run laps around the park and notice things; and I write about them.

When I sit in silence, I also run laps, sort of. I sit for 15 minutes on the cushion, then 15 minutes on the chair, then 15 minutes on the cushion...and so on. Every now and then, I have a thought that gets my attention. These thoughts are analogous to the animals I see when I am running.

Thoughts on Silence:

• Silence is like God Himself; indescribable.
• Silence is difficult to have.
• Silence is the most unproductive thing imaginable.
• Silence is a thing to be cherished, sought, loved, protected.
• Silence is difficult to enter, but the door is always open.
• Silence requires absolute renunciation; it seems I must want only it and have only it.
• Silence requires discipline.
• How do I contemplate silence? Do I try to grasp it with intellect? More likely I can only listen to it and watch it; in humility, gratitude and awe.
• Is a thought a noise?
• I am after the other worldly.
• I am most successful at finding silence if I maintain a consciousness of light.
• Silence has gifts to give.
• Silence is easily forgotten.
• Silence has nothing to say. It is a null, a no-thing an absence. When I am in silence, I too become a void.

Unemployed Contemplative - 1

I have been unemployed for 3 weeks. At first, I was on an ultrarunning retreat. I ended that because I need to taper for a race. Also, I feel the need to spend more time in silent meditation and writing. I have turned my will and my life over to God. I totally believe that God has a "next place" for me to go, but I don't know where it is yet.

In the mean time, I think it is very important to stay spiritually focused. I have time to be as spiritual as I want to be. I have time to study and meditate and write; so go for it.

My mantra for today is: This is my holy instant of release; thru light and joy and majesty and peace.

This mantra brings me into the present. If I let go right now of my ego's plans and designs, and let the Holy Spirit decide for me, then I am free.

This morning I read in the Course in Miracles Text, "When a mind has only light, if knows only light. Its own radiance shines around it, and extends out into the darkness of other minds, transforming them into majesty...Recognizing the Majesty of God as your brother is to accept your own inheritance."

I am able to keep light in my mind. I am able to see the Majesty of God in other people. It is again a matter of willingness and discipline. Do I want to see God or do I want to see someone who is out to hurt me and cheat me? Do I want only light in my mind or do I want anger and fear? If I want to see God and have the light, then I make this choice. I still need to ask the Holy Spirit for power to carry out the decision. I still need to watch my mind and see what ego thoughts I have to turn over to the Holy Spirit. It is work.

My inheritance is heaven. My inheritance is everything. My inheritance is Love. Do I want this? Am I willing? How hard will I try to live in the new order of things?

This sort of spiritual thinking is keeping me from going crazy as an unemployed non-financially independent person. I have turned my will and my life over to the care of God. I have offered myself to Him to do with me and build with me as He will. God is doing for me what I can't do for myself. To have placed my life in His hands is to soothing to my soul. It truly is happiness and peace for me.

I ran 10 miles this morning. I will go for a walk this afternoon. I will also spend an hour or two in silent meditation. I love silent meditation. I love being able to be in communication without asking for anything.

Finish the Ultra-retreat - Day 20

Shame on Microsoft: Explorer 8, uploaded today, won't let me copy and paste into Blogger.com!

The ultrarunning part of my retreat is over; now I will focus more on meditation and writing and thinking deeply. I simply must think deeply. I have this thing inside me, a force or a spirit or whatever, but I love it and I simply must be more and more quiet to experience this presence. I totally believe that it is in an egoless silence that I am able to touch my soul. Since the silence is egoless, the soul touching experience is very subtle, sublime, quiet. But I think I am addicted to it.

Yesterday, I ran 23 miles. Here are the results for the ultrarunning retreat:

Week 1: 88 miles jog/walk plus 24 miles walking = 112
Week 2: 112 miles jog/walk plus 19 miles walking = 131
Week 3, 5 days: 93 miles jog/walk plus 8 miles walking = 101
Total 344 miles

Today I woke up with fatigued legs. But, after coming home from the city and working in the yard for an hour and a half, I went for a 4 mile run. All systems felt well. No injuries from the ultrarunning. I am going to try to ease up to be fresh for the Psycho Psummer 50k next Saturday.

My ultra-retreat produced a quantum leap in my running. My running expanded to a higher orbital (check your college chemistry to figure what an orbital is). The self transcendence started as an idea in my mind. The expansive self transcendence idea is a universal idea, not specific to running. The quantum leap also shows in the expansion of love in my mind. The self transcendence came about from spiritual work, not the running itself. My spiritual work has been focused on love and giving up my ego in order to love. I changed my mind and then I could see a change in my running.

Self transcendence running is love because it is just about being. It was running for pure existence and pure existence is love. Love has no goal, no personal best, no Garmin or heart rate monitor. Love relentlessly pursues existence. Love is a phenomenon of peace. Peace is quiet; hence we return to that addictive quiet soul touching moment I mentioned first off in this blog.

A girl running around and around a park is a phenomenon of peace.


I rededicate my life to God. This rededication to God is a dedication to love; I absolutely insist on seeing only the love of God present in everyone. God is love, only created love and all we are is love. If you point to sin, I will tell you to take a deeper look at the lies your ego is telling you and stop believing they are real. Love is all there is.

Ultra Retreat, Day 17 - Surprises

Day 17 of the retreat. I got in 15 miles.

100 days to Heartland Prairie 50 miler.

By surprises, I mean things happened which were out of my control. I usually figure they are gifts from God. Like yesterday, I locked my keys in my car; but a man I know gave me a ride home to get my spares and a ride back to where my car was. Or in the hardware store, the man gave me a lesson on what parts I needed and how to put them in. Or the really hard time I had getting some documents sent to a potential employer. Or the human resources lady I talked to yesterday. Or the recruiter I talked to this morning.

Today, I have a decent grasp on letting go and letting God. I have intuitions and other more obvious things put in front of me: just do them and let God worry about the rest.

Today is the anniversary of my death. On this day in 2001, I went running on a hot humid day with no water. I was actually planning to run until I dropped. Since I was in the country, I hoped nobody would find me and revive me. But after much screaming at God and 8 miles, I decided to go back and try life one more time.

Self Transcendence Race: Yesterday I covered 15 miles. This morning another 15; and I'll probably do more later.

How am I transcending? I am giving my fear to God. I am living more and more in a God reliant world and less in a world I can control. Transcendence is my journey, but in this race, I have no finish line, no mile markers, no awards. In my silence, blisters come and go. Tendons complain and then stop. I drink water. I have come to appreciate the purity of water. I think there is no better substance on earth. To drink it is to drink God direct.