Sunday, July 28, 2013

Scraping Bed Rock

Without getting cancer, a serious brain injury, going to war, fasting 40 days, or er um any number of traumatic life experiences, how can I get to the root and ground of my being?

Well, as of today, I know it is totally possible if you work at it every day. I feel that bed rock becoming visible under my shovel. I scrape and scrape and I see rock beginning to appear.

Today's experience involves the re-appearing and disappearing pain in my foot; plus the decision about the tatoo. Well, it started with A Course in Miracles and "The Special Hate Relationship." Eye opening to remember this, my 9th reading.

Then I went to the Kemah bridge. I really enjoyed running back and forth for an hour. Then I cased the tatoo joint, washed the car and bought groceries. The bridge run went well, but after the groceries, I went over to Brummerhop park. This was more depressing and painful. I should have stuck with cross training.

Eventually, after 6 miles, I came home, got cleaned up, ate, rested, jumped on the elliptical for a little, then went back to the tatoo joint. I had a nice discussion with one of the artists; but finally decided to think about it some more.

See, the tatoo won't fix anything. I want it to show off I guess. I got in the car to go to an AA meeting, but turned around after a couple of blocks. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I realized that every moment of silence is pure gold. That's the bed rock moment. I jumped on the Nordic Track and started skiing. My foot wasn't hurting. Just silently listening to the quiet, listening to my thoughts, this is terrific. That is the true meaning of spirituality.

It is the eve of my 6th ACIM anniversary. Also, 8/8 is my 28th sobriety anniversary and my 10th year after leaving the convent. These things will be celebrated quietly. No tatoos. Going to work. Just doing my daily pattern.

Bedrock is when you realize that nothing makes anything better except thought decisions. I decided that the peak of my life is quiet meditation. That pure un-adulterated relationship with quiet. Nothing is needed. Bread and water is fine. No distractions. Self induced dregs, poverty: bedrock, the ground of my being.

It is not important to many people to achieve their bed rock. It is to me. I have realized that I didn't come to this world to raise kids or be famous or productive in any way. I came here to know my own nature. It is in solitude that I find myself.

So time on the Versa Climber has been added to the exercise log. Triceps are on the strength rotation today.

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