You are about to think I follow a philosopher, so I'll say upfront: this philosopher has helped me frame "who I follow."
I have been reading the notebooks of Paul Brunton (google him to find these online). I am up to book 5, with 11 to go. This morning I read about 3 different types of consciousness: individual pseudo-consciouness (I call ego), society's collective will and true inner divine wisdom.
As a solitary, contemplative, mature athlete, vegetarian, non-religious, spiritualist much of my life goes against society's collective will. Hence it feels like sin. My quest to give up many of the things related to money and position cause my ego much angst. Hence they also feel like sin. However, these sins are not true sins. They are in fact life on a higher moral plane than the norm. Isn't that interesting. Attempts to rise above the group cause angst. What strength of will or reliance on the inner divine can enable this diversion from group norms?
I am taking a break from workouts for a day or two to rest up for my weekend at the Silverton 1000. I am using the time for reflection and additional meditation. I am resting an endocrine system and feeding it super nutrition. Symbolically, I put new batteries in the car's key fob and cleaned the toilet. Today, I will get a deep tissue massage.
Multi-day races are for the patiently enduring. The average age of the athlete rises into the 50's. Its point is the forward movement over time and the eventual mental and physical struggle; a microcosm of life and death and re-birth.
My bags are packed. 2 days of work. Thursday, I fly to Durango. Friday, the race starts.