I went to sleep last night thinking my spiritual quest was in such a shambles. My structure has fallen apart. I don't believe anyone else's teachings. As a side note, my life is in limbo as I haven't heard back about a major variable.
Today, Sunday, I did my usual sleeping in and I got up with no idea what I'm doing. I sat down with my coffee and wrote, "Spirituality. Pittsburgh. KC=just show up and do your best."
Then I closed my eyes and remembered the nurturing presence I call love. I have faith in love. I trust this love. I surrender to love. (Somehow the thought of surrender put angst about Pittsburgh to bed).
God is love. But we never really know God. We know love; especially if we are willing to explore love in its abstract form. We don't know God. Even those who have had the big enlightenment don't know God. This is because the enlightenment is experienced through a biochemical reaction in the brain; which can be reproduced through various physical means. Love doesn't do this. It is illogical to identify love as anything more than pure is-ness.
God is love. Not just what Paul says in Corinthians (patient, kind etc.), but the underlying substrate of everything. I mean the substrate of the atom, nurturing the photon. I mean the substrate of the universe, nurturing the birth of suns and galaxies. As a substrate, love just is.
Love is. I can sit quietly and feel nurtured by love. This nurturing feeling is a return to the birth of my consciousness; the time when I came to be. That time is now. I am always now and never before or to be. Now is the meaning of love. My feelings are my faith. The truth is that this love just is. If love is a consciousness, it is a different consciousness than mine. Our relationship is carried out in the intangible such as surrender, trust and faith. Love is not graspable and this quality is what makes it truly God.
Today is a beautiful day outside. I am going to load up my hydro-pak and go for a suburban hike.