This morning, I did 30 minutes on my Nordic track ski machine and then I went for a 5 mile run. I feel good this evening, no little pains in my legs. I've been resting up a tiny bit for my 50 mile run on Saturday night.
During my meditation this morning, I had to ask myself, "Why have I signed up for a 50 miles race which starts at 6 pm and which will take me all night?" Why walk/jog 50 miles across a Kansas prairie at all, let alone at night? What is the point?
Then, in my silence I found what I need. Let me try to explain.
See, I also realized this morning that I am on the edge of fad spirituality. I have tried all the gimmicks and methods and dogmas meant to bring a person to enlightenment or Jesus or whatever-you-call-it. And now I stand on the edge of desolation. There are no more methodologies. There either is spirit or there isn't. All I have is the period.
In such a position, there is nothing left but to walk through the dark night. I own up to the fact that I am an emotionally troubled person. I express ownership through a dark night endeavor. And that is all I am going to do; walk/jog all night along an endlessly boring dirt road. I'm truly excited (not joking).