I read this morning something Thomas Merton said, "All that God asks of them is to be quiet and keep themselves at peace, attentive to the secret work that He is beginning in their souls." (don't know where this is published.)
For some reason, I flashed on Oprah Winfrey. I don't have a TV and haven't watched her show in 15 years, but I am aware of her endeavors. She ran a marathon. She is always trying to lose weight. She has an interest in the spiritual. She has access to a ton of experts. I can relate to her search and realized it is a typical yearning which those of us raised in the 60's seem to have.
I also had a flash of insight for myself: I (my ego) failed at being special. I went to the monastery in large part driven to be like Thomas Merton, whose books I had read. After arriving at the monastery, my spiritual journey was twisted into an ego conquest. I wanted so much to be consecrated and bear the initials OSB (Order of St Benedict) after my name, to wear special clothes (a habit) and to have passed through the presumed gateway to Jesus known as monastic profession.
Now, I have a daily spiritual under current to life. But it is difficult to discern results. Any progress could be measured in a peaceful life. Last night I asked myself, "How do I even know I have a spiritual life?" Silence was the answer. That I experience Silence is the only thing I have. Anything else is engineering.
Silence doesn't have any results. It just is. Just do it and don't ask it for anything.
This morning I slept in and there was no morning workout. I am resting my body in preparation for Saturday and the Hawk Marathon. Surprisingly, I am eager; far more eager than I was 2 weeks ago when I went to Vancouver.
Deep in my imagination, I wish I could run 100 miles. Not just any 100 miles but these:
http://hstrial-saltflats100endu.intuitwebsites.com/home.html
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