Ever noticed how I keep returning to the topic of solitude? Yes, I am trying to explain it to myself.
Thoughts about solitude while I ran this morning: I find solitude so misunderstood; and so indefensible. In spiritual practice, silence, my mind goes beyond the boundary of tumultuous thoughts laid out by my ego nature. Beyond this layer, all is silent. There is nothing there for the ego to grasp, so utter peace does not seem desirable. But I go there over and over when I am meditating. It is my primary practice. I simply hold in my mind the daily lesson from A Course in Miracles and rest in the Presence it brings to my mind. Nothing need be done and nothing need be accomplished. Victory is to keep only that one thought in the mind. When I am out running, I think about that place of silent peace and also use the daily thought as a mantra. That is it. That is all. Nothing more need be said or explained.
Well, I need to add that I did understand something for myself today. Since I visit this place beyond the ego, I am starting to think of it as my home, my origin. So when I enter ordinary life and relate to others, I am coming from the other side, a different reality; while most of those I relate to have never been to the other side. This explains why I don’t understand everyday worldly doings so much anymore and don't participate. I come from the other side, never really come fully into this world, and then return to the other side.
The thing my ego can’t stand is that there is no advantage to this shift in home base. In fact, it is a detriment for the time I am in society; because I’m not playing the system to the best of my advantage. I don’t look good. I take flak from colleagues who eat meat and are out of shape. Yet, then they turn around and appreciate my peaceful approach to our sometimes stressful work.
Yesterday evening, not getting started until 7:30, I walked on the treadmill for 45 min and rode my ex-bike for 45 min. This morning, feeling no pain, I decided to do an easy run; even though I have a marathon in a week. I jog/walked at ultra pace for 15.5 miles. It was very wonderful as this is the first really warm day we've had this year. I jogged along the levy which is flat, gravel and windy. Despite no trees, the wind helps alot with drying the sweat. I drank about 40 oz of sports drink, but still lost a pound or two. I saw something new: small birds have built mud nests on the underside of a freeway overpass.
Afterwards, while eating, I put together this wish list of 2010 Ultras:
The 10/16 dream is most likely to be cancelled due to a potential trip to Germany, but we'll see. I realized this morning that running fast marathons really really does cause injuries for me. I'd rather not have an impressive marathon time and still go for a long run the next weekend. I dream of endless hours of mindless running or even working out in my apartment.
Now, I will quietly go about an easy weight lifting and core session while I listen to NPR. then maybe go get some groceries.