Silent Running

This morning I read from the Course in Miracles text (15.III): "Be not content with littleness. But be sure you understand what littleness is, and why you could never be content with it. Littleness is the offering you give yourself. You offer this in place of magnitude, and you accept it. Everything in this world is little because it is a world made out of littleness, in the strange belief that littleness can content you. When you strive for anything in this world in the belief that it will bring you peace, you are belittling yourself and blinding yourself to glory. Littleness and glory are the choices open to your striving and your vigilance. You will always choose one at the expense of the other."

I want God more than I want an ego. I value the spirit in me more than I value ego accomplishments. When I renounce the world, I am taking away the ego's toys. My ego's toys are most generally things which society teaches me are to be sought (money, important positions, achievements, legacies). I renouce these things and seek deeper values.

I work out and run; but have needed to stop being attracted to shiney age group awards and Boston qualifying times and bragging about races. My workouts are being taken into obscurity as I complete my home gym and content myself with hours on machines in solitude or hours of slow jogging on a boring loop.

I don't eat a bunch of sugar, fat or preservative filled goodies. I stopped rewarding myself with food. I stopped spending my thinking hours planning meals.

I spend time in spiritual study and meditation. I spend time with a quiet mind. To have a quiet mind, I limit my exposure to media. Why? For example: in a meeting at work, my colleague showed a computer tape of a mother singing about what she says to her kids accompanied by The William Tell Overture. Now, 2 days later, that song is still preoccupying my brain. I want silence and light so I can hear the Voice for God, not a joke about child rearing.

So this is my choice. My choice takes me off the map of society. I no longer understand the busy people, the gourmet or the meat-eater, the smoker, the tv watcher, the shopper, the career-ist, the drinker, the church-goer; well everything normal.