The Lamb that was Slain

Those of us people raised in some form of Christianity have heard: Worthy is the Lamb that was slain. It comes from Revelations.

So.....

This morning, I intentionally slept late. After getting up and settling into my morning spiritual study, I realized I had been criticizing a person with my thoughts, not even really aware of it. And so I prayed. A Course in Miracles discusses our lack of discipline when it comes to our thoughts; we'll allow most thought attacks to go on and on. I realized that humans pretty much hate each other. I wish I wasn't like this.

In conjunction with my Merton study, I wondered again what a mystic is. I wrote down my thoughts:

• To see things differently
• By living apart from the main stream.
• To never leave the spiritual foundation.

And then I wrote down some things I believe:

• Either all things are evidence of God: "Who then made all this?"
• Or none: the world I see is my illusion.
• I can't believe God made evil.
• I believe there is a "worthy" part of my being.

And then revelation hit me: Worthy is the Lamb that was slain. The Lamb is Self, the inherent worthy part of every human and all things, the Son of God. And all the story of Jesus came clear as a crucifixion of Self and a resurrection of Self. Self never goes away and ego never ceases to attack and crucify Self.

So I added one more to my definition of a mystic:

• To worship Self, the Lamb, transcend to Self, join the One God.

Now it is 9 am and incredibly hot outside. I plan to fill the hydropak and go walk laps in Brummerhop Park. I think it is possible for a human to walk around in this heat. Maybe about noon, I'll come in and do cross training. Or whatever. It doesn't matter. Worthy is the Lamb that was slain.

Invest all your thoughts in The Lamb, and nothing else.

Mysticism - Brunton

In book 11, Brunton says: "What the mystic seeks is a direct experience of the soul....he has the moral courage to withdraw from religious tradition and to deviate from worldly custom...Mystics who seek quivering ecstasies alone take the risk of becoming victims of their own emotional workings...They reach the divine center with their imagination or with their feelings, but not with their mind nor with their will....It is better to look for a different and better sign such as lasting intellectual conviction or improvement of outward conduct..."

It is astounding how many mystical authors I have followed over the past nearly 30 years, how hard I have tried. I never had "baptism of the spirit" of the emotional extravaganza sort. And from all the reading, I thought that was what was supposed to happen.

I now am ready to give myself credit for emotional stability, and daily unending progression of mind into an increasing state of freedom from the worldly thought prison.

I can change my thinking. In quietness, I know there is a bigger picture; and a greater reality leaks into my own. I need to hear what Spirit is saying to me, not just read books. When will I get the courage to put the books down? Today?

Yesterday, I ran 21.6 miles; and followed that in the evening with various strength routines and another 68 min of cross training machines. It was easy to get started with the evening workout. The morning's 21 miles did not exhaust me at all. I found myself energized by this.

I also find that after 40 years of running races, for the first time, I qualified for membership in an organization called Marathon Maniacs. I've never tried to qualify; but it was on my mind Friday so I checked to see what the qualifications were. And, yes, I got the bronze and I am a member. I somehow need this membership as inspiration for my next diabolical endeavor: In July, I hope to run 5 marathon races in 5 days.

I am off to the park now for a few miles. I don't know how many. I won't be watching the Superbowl; but see, I do know it is today.

Brunton's Mysticism

A quote from line one of book 11: "Mysticism is simply an attempt to provide a system for those whom ordinary religion has ceased to help. It says, in effect, here is a practical means and a demonstrable method whereby you may verify for yourself the essential basic truth that there is a soul in man."

Very simply put. I can stand in a silence here.

Mystic Musings

One of the things that has bugged since leaving the monastery is whether I can be a mystic if I have a job and live in the world. See, I went to a monastery because I believed that you had to in order to achieve the necessary environment and teaching which would make a mystic.

The people who write books about enlightenment and mysticism are usually people who are able to achieve a life outside the work-a-day world.

Sort of like, if you were called to be a mystic then you'd have succeeded at monastic living and have a teacher. If you have a job, you weren't called and God won't come to you. This worry about God is a false teaching and can't be true.

Living in a world of people who have not placed any priority on spirituality does lead one to think that only monks could be successful.

I am not able to talk face to face with anyone about mysticism. This means that instead, I am talking about work or running. So people think that these are whats important to me. But not so. Being a private mystic makes it less "real" because there is no ego validation.


Monastic or not, I feel my first priority in life is spiritual growth, connection with that mentality beyond my worldly consciousness (mysticism). And I am so dedicated regardless of whether my job hinders the relationship or not.

My life is my dream. I can change the God rules in my dream. In my dream, God just is with is. No need to a drastic mental or physical circumstance. Only thinking I can't hurts me.It is highly likely that all I've learned about God from society and religion isn't helpful. I have a second hand God.

The real God would just be......

Truly, the relationship is there whenever I remember it is there; any brief moment of remembrance and boom, there it is.

I have to put some active conscious priority on my desire for God.

Desert Silence

http://elenatabachnick.com/seeking/Monatery_for_People_of_No_Particular_Tradition.html

I stole this picture from a web page called "Monastery for People of No Particular Tradition" (or something like that). I picture my self as a solitary monk sitting at the edge of the "courtyard," forever contemplating the presence of Love, which exists everywhere.

When I lived in a real monastery, I learned about how monastics do not go on trips in the country side but journey inward toward the heart of God. This journey is the one I take whenever I am in solitude.

Recently, however, I've had to break my arm to get a few days away from "it all." Speaking of my arm, I am having a little more sculpting done on it on Thursday. Unfortunately, the timing is very bad and I will have to be at work next week. I guess I'll be on drugs while I sit in my office and help the people who are coming to see me.

I had a breakthru today: I suddenly realized today, at a much deeper level, how guilty I have felt for not pleasing others or being approved of. Of course I have heard many times, “What others think of me is none of my business.” Logically, I agree; but in my ego, I did everything to please others. I haven’t let go because I didn’t really understand how deeply ingrained “seeking approval” is in me. I become terrified of people whose plans for me appear to hem me in. What a deep dogma? What incredible social programming? My behavior pattern is so intent on hiding who I really am because I feel guilty for not-going-along. Today, I am more free than I have ever been! This experience is true self transcendence. It came from serious spiritual work coupled with a willingness to just open the door to Grace.

I stand strong in my spiritual decisions and the direction of my journey. I am learning to look beyond the physical in order to see only the spiritual. Some day, when I have learned the technique, seeing you only as spirit will be the greatest gift I have to give.

My Dream

I always wanted to be a mystic. Somehow this dream got started in my teenage years as I read Dune and Carlos Castaneda. It continued on into college as I smoked dope and dreamed of finding a higher consciousness in Strawberry Fields. "Who are you" rang forever in my head. "I am woman" was often the answer; inless it was "I don't want to live like a refugee." Or there were other answers provided by Jefferson Starship or Tom Petty or ELO. Anything from Mick Jagger was a nightmare. Mainly I felt jealous of others who seemed to be making it. On the outside, I appeared to be making it. I was president of a student association, awarded outstanding senior at a large university, awarded scholarships, ran a marathon, graduated with honors and got a job. Yet, on the inside I was an emotional disaster. It would have ended there in a pool of alcohol except...


After my senior year and before my graduate year, I spent six weeks in Israel on an archaeological dig. I certainly had my fill of beer while I was there. But I also discovered religion and I came home wondering who God was.


That question about God consumed all of my life after that, and it still does. I searched standard Catholic Christianity. I searched John of the Cross. I searched new age channelers. I searched Harley Davidson. I searched illicit sex. I searched monastic life (4 years in a monastery). I searched money and power and things.


I now have a practice of silence and a study of A Course in Miracles. I have been sober for 23 years. I run ultra-marathons. I work in a crummy chemical plant as an environmental engineer and sole female in operations management among a bunch of red necks. I live in a dinky house in a dinky town. I marginalize myself in every possible way. My modus is to shamelessly follow Jesus; which means to lose your life through renunciation of the ego world, including religion.


My one unique thought I got in a dream: Love is the predominate mode of existance.

• ...inducing the mind to give up its miscreations is the only application of creative ability that is truly meaningful.