Merton on Poverty

http://experimentaltheology.blogspot.com/2014/09/my-love-of-what-i-own-may-be-killing.html


Therefore, if I don't pretend, like other people, to understand the war, I do know this much: that the knowledge of what is going on only makes it seem desperately important to be voluntarily poor, to get rid of all possessions this instant. I am scared, sometimes, to own anything, even a name, let alone coin, or share in the oil, the munitions, the airplane factories. I am scared to take a proprietary interest in anything, for fear that my love of what I own may be killing somebody somewhere.

--Thomas Merton, from a diary entry during WWII reflecting upon the connections between possessions and complicity in violence worldwide

Not God

In relation to Liu Xiaobo's wife's comment, Meng Hu gleaned this bit of wisdom: To engage in the world is to give it tacit approbation. To be invisible is the true incompatibility. 

This morning, I read in A Course in Miracles chapter 13.III: "you have used the world to cover your love, and the deeper you go into the blackness of the ego’s foundation, the closer you come to the Love that is hidden there..."

Reading Merton as he works out the decision to join a monastery and become a priest, I clearly see what synapses in my brain were triggered and why I decided to do the same thing. I also see that I was acting on thoughts in my own mind, just as Merton; but based on what I've learned about neurophilosophy, that doesn't mean God was speaking.

I am going to go outside and sweat. I have a heel spur. I asked Dr to tape it. We will also do the other exercises to work around it.

I have been trying a 24 hour fast today. I still have a couple of hours. I seem to be able to do such a thing only as prayer or renunciation of the world. For health is not enough.

Not going in races makes me invisible and not eating makes me incompatible. My other compatibility activities are antagonistic to others, hence not invisible. I could become more invisible. At least my recognition award was not handed out in front of the team.

Merton - The Vision....

...or was it a temptation for the ego.

...or a travesty of spiritual justice.

I have mentioned I was reading Thomas Merton's Seven Story Mountain. I first read it 20 or so years ago. I vaguely remember Merton being a dramatic influence on my desire to enter a monastery and pursue contemplative life.

I am just now finished the chapter where he is baptized a Catholic at the age of 23. Reading his language, I realize now that it is highly mirroring what is written in the Catholic Catechism about what it is supposed to mean. It is however all belief. If you believe it, then it is true.

Those many years ago, I believed Merton and I wanted what he said. I went and did it.

If I was to mention to a Catholic that a God of love would never come up with that sort of specialness schema, they would just insist it is a mystery and not logical. So it is not a topic that can be discussed. Believe or not.

If I believe a thing doesn't make it true however. Even if I prefer the theology of A Course in Miracles, we can be sure it is a human perception who is judging.

I received an award at work this week. Pinnacle award for leadership. So, I guess I don't need a Seven Story Mountain. I just get up, get dressed, go to work. Nothing special.

I went to a new doctor to try one more time for professional help regarding my painful heel. Good news is that is probably not a heel spur but a pinched nerve. Treatment is underway. I am being good and resisting endless miles. I actually like not feeling constant pain.

Should anybody need to search for God?

Seriously.

The Lamb that was Slain

Those of us people raised in some form of Christianity have heard: Worthy is the Lamb that was slain. It comes from Revelations.

So.....

This morning, I intentionally slept late. After getting up and settling into my morning spiritual study, I realized I had been criticizing a person with my thoughts, not even really aware of it. And so I prayed. A Course in Miracles discusses our lack of discipline when it comes to our thoughts; we'll allow most thought attacks to go on and on. I realized that humans pretty much hate each other. I wish I wasn't like this.

In conjunction with my Merton study, I wondered again what a mystic is. I wrote down my thoughts:

• To see things differently
• By living apart from the main stream.
• To never leave the spiritual foundation.

And then I wrote down some things I believe:

• Either all things are evidence of God: "Who then made all this?"
• Or none: the world I see is my illusion.
• I can't believe God made evil.
• I believe there is a "worthy" part of my being.

And then revelation hit me: Worthy is the Lamb that was slain. The Lamb is Self, the inherent worthy part of every human and all things, the Son of God. And all the story of Jesus came clear as a crucifixion of Self and a resurrection of Self. Self never goes away and ego never ceases to attack and crucify Self.

So I added one more to my definition of a mystic:

• To worship Self, the Lamb, transcend to Self, join the One God.

Now it is 9 am and incredibly hot outside. I plan to fill the hydropak and go walk laps in Brummerhop Park. I think it is possible for a human to walk around in this heat. Maybe about noon, I'll come in and do cross training. Or whatever. It doesn't matter. Worthy is the Lamb that was slain.

Invest all your thoughts in The Lamb, and nothing else.

Revisiting My Past

I have started reading Thomas Merton's "Seven Story Mountain." I was hoping to find the impetus for my own spiritual journey, as the book seems to have played a part in my journey. I'm only up to where he is about 19 years old; and a seeming mess.

Now I am roughly 35 years older than the seeming mess I was at 19. Sitting here, I can say I have an amazing amount of discipline: going to work responsibly to earn a living, daily spiritual workouts, sober for 27 years.

I relate to Merton's inner struggle. Part of why I keep to myself is that I need to keep looking inward to find the pattern. What is it I am blind to?

Today, it took 5 hours in 102F heat index to bring my ego to the quitting point; an end of sorts as I said, "no I can't stand another hour and a half to make a marathon." It was sweaty and not a hint of a breeze. It was impossible to keep going from a heat perspective, but also from a pain perspective. I wish I could. I can't run far enough to really find myself.

Had I achieved "Vowed Religious" I'd always have a validated position for my ego to resurrect over and over. As it is, I have the failure of that endeavor and numerous other attempts to achieve something. I am left with: sober.

But wait, I just beat out 2 other colleagues for a job I've wanted for 3 years.

I have to be alone to struggle with my inner self; but also, I'll go to an AA meeting where I always get the humility needed to be a tolerable person.

Creative Fitness

For miles....for the spirit.

On the cusp of yet another 3100 Mile Self Transcendence Race (Sri Chinmoy).

It is hot in Houston. Earlier this week, I decided to take this afternoon off and sleep. This was because I needed to recover from the stress over work reorganization. That is, I was waiting for an interview and then a decision. Tuesday, we got both of those things done (I got the job).

Coming home, I drove by 3 places before deciding what looked like a nice enough place for my Prius to go. I got my tires rotated. I know, big deal. But, since it was 10 am, no waiting either.

Then, I was reading Thomas Merton "The Seven Story Mountain" when the nap occurred. I haven't read the book for 15 years or so. For some reason, Merton was instrumental in my trip to a monastery. I'm only a little way into the book. So far, I didn't find the dopamine trigger; but I am sure I will.

What if..... The Hassidic Jews in Jerusalem had not appeared to have something I wanted, triggered the survival instinct and powered a decades long search for God. Did God want this?

My heel was really good for 2 days. Today it is swollen again. Cross training seems ok, but we'll have to wait to tomorrow to see about miles. I'll need to start walking very early due to heat. I wish I could walk a marathon, but it seems unlikely.

Creativity.... I'm praying for a thought, something original and interesting. Is there such a thing?

The Quest - Hawk Prelude

I read this morning something Thomas Merton said, "All that God asks of them is to be quiet and keep themselves at peace, attentive to the secret work that He is beginning in their souls." (don't know where this is published.)

For some reason, I flashed on Oprah Winfrey. I don't have a TV and haven't watched her show in 15 years, but I am aware of her endeavors. She ran a marathon. She is always trying to lose weight. She has an interest in the spiritual. She has access to a ton of experts. I can relate to her search and realized it is a typical yearning which those of us raised in the 60's seem to have.

I also had a flash of insight for myself: I (my ego) failed at being special. I went to the monastery in large part driven to be like Thomas Merton, whose books I had read. After arriving at the monastery, my spiritual journey was twisted into an ego conquest. I wanted so much to be consecrated and bear the initials OSB (Order of St Benedict) after my name, to wear special clothes (a habit) and to have passed through the presumed gateway to Jesus known as monastic profession.

Now, I have a daily spiritual under current to life. But it is difficult to discern results. Any progress could be measured in a peaceful life. Last night I asked myself, "How do I even know I have a spiritual life?" Silence was the answer. That I experience Silence is the only thing I have. Anything else is engineering.

Silence doesn't have any results. It just is. Just do it and don't ask it for anything.

This morning I slept in and there was no morning workout. I am resting my body in preparation for Saturday and the Hawk Marathon. Surprisingly, I am eager; far more eager than I was 2 weeks ago when I went to Vancouver.

Deep in my imagination, I wish I could run 100 miles. Not just any 100 miles but these:
http://hstrial-saltflats100endu.intuitwebsites.com/home.html