Sunday, August 8, 2010

I Wish God Would Love Me

So many of us spend our lives seeking approval and wanting others to love us. We want our parents to love us. We want our children to love us. We extend our needs to teachers and religious institutions and work places.

And we build our lives around this need for love. We try to achieve in order to be loved. We take vows in order to guarantee love. We help others. We seek enlightenment.

To achieve enlightenment, we participate in religion and liturgy. We fast and pray. We meditate. We have near death experiences in car accidents. We have cancer and nearly die. We become crippled. We become emotionally depressed. We take drugs. We run marathons, ultra-marathons, iron man triathlons and death marches through deserts. We may sit in solitude for years. We accept various therapies.

We wish for nirvana, for release from this terrible world. We do whatever we need to do to achieve the promised land. And because of this wish, many of us build wonderful and beautiful lives, exemplary and admirable in every way.

Underneath all this, is the grain of sand inside oyster which causes these pearls of lives to be created. The grain of sand hidden in the pearl is the tiny, quiet thought we have a hard time becoming conscious of, “I wish God would love me.”

Jesus loves you. God loves you. We hear this all the time but none of us really believe it (well very few of us). So first, acknowledge that you have this secret wish. Then realize that the second and even more hidden part of the thought is, “but I want to be loved specially.”

God loves us; but not me. God is love. Love does not differentiate between its creations. So God cannot love at an individual level. God loves the Son of God, Whom we are, thoughts of love in the Mind of Love.

So, acknowledging these hidden wishes and admitting that everything I’ve done in life was to earn special love, what next? I stop. I quit. I sit quietly. God loves us. I let the consciousness of that love surface in the quiet of my still mind. That’s all. Let Him in. Sit quietly and let Him in. then do whatever life seems to put in front of you with the power of God already in you; not attempting to earn it.

Now that I’m done scurrying around trying to find love, Love itself walks with me. We run because we love to run. We lift weights because it is part of our time together. I go to work. Let God be in charge; and come home to the holy instant where I am consciously and undeniably a thought of love in the Mind of Love. Nothing more.

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