Saturday, August 28, 2010

ACIM Student - I am as God created me.

I am a student of A Course in Miracles (ACIM). As such, I frame my life in the Course Text. This morning, I read only one paragraph during my spiritual study (23.II):

"And here a final principle of chaos comes to the “rescue.” It holds there is a substitute for love. This is the magic that will cure all of your pain; the missing factor in your madness that makes it “sane.” This is the reason why you must attack. Here is what makes your vengeance justified. Behold, unveiled, the ego’s secret gift, torn from your brother’s body, hidden there in malice and in hatred for the one to whom the gift belongs. He would deprive you of the secret ingredient that would give meaning to your life. The substitute for love, born of your enmity to your brother, must be salvation. It has no substitute, and there is only one. And all your relationships have but the purpose of seizing it and making it your own."

I couldn't read past this paragraph, I simply meditated on it. My ego leapt out of hiding and explained to me how much it hates my brother for his fame, fortune, power, position and prestige. My ego would kill to obtain some worldly thing which it thinks is salvation. What a fake world we have. We look at money as salvation. We look at the Church as salvation. We look at career as salvation. We look at hot cars as salvation. We look at sex as salvation. We look at family and children as salvation. We look at retirement and death as salvation. We really want some way to get out of the hell we live in.

I struggled with my ego. If we want something that someone else has, that thing is a symbol for salvation for us, our ticket out of here. My mind filled with the ego's hatred and I started asking for help from Jesus. Clearly, I should bring the hate to the light; not suppress it.

Then, about 7, I went running. My hateful attitude continued as I ran. I wondered if I should kill myself because life is meaningless and hate filled and I don't want to live like this. I was running in Parkville, along a flat dirt bike path by the river. My legs were tired even before I started. It was a tad cool with a breeze. I nodded hi to the regulars. I realized how futile running races is. After qualifying for Boston in a marathon last year, I reached the pinnacle of performance. The people who complete the 3,100 miles Self Transcendence race, accomplish nothing in the outer world. All the gifts they receive are on the metaphysical and spiritual plane. The ego is only satisfied for a little while and then goes searching for greater glory. I refuse to do that. I need to go inward. My running is not for the ego but for transcendence.

After about 90 minutes of running, I suddenly noticed that peace and the joyful consciousness of God was all around. I noticed the peace of God. The light of God had been around me the whole time; but it took me 90 minutes of fighting my hateful ego to get clear enough for peace to be noticeable.

After 10.8 miles in the park (10 min/mile pace), I jumped in the car, drove a half mile and jumped back out at the nature sanctuary (I didn’t plan to go back to the park, so drove to the sanctuary). I put on my new trail shoes and started in on 2 hours of trail running. I’ve always been a little ashamed of my slowness on trails, but today I realized that at 17 min/mile, I still do rocks piles faster than most people can walk on the flat.

The trail shoes helped me feel more sure footed. Luckily I already knew which parts of the toe box needed to be fixed with a knife, or I’d be losing a toe nail (shame on Mizuno designers for putting trim on the toe box). Without a doubt, trails are much more difficult than road running, but such a good variation. They make my legs work in all directions.

After all that running, I came home to clean up and eat and then lay on the bed. I was in a meditative state, wondering about that hateful ego. A principle of ACIM came through loud and clear, “It is not real. The world is an illusion.” And suddenly I knew: I have never been hateful at all of anyone. This world is an illusion. It never happened. I am not a body, I am free. I am as God created me. I exist in the arms of Love as an idea of love. I never left the embrace of God.
I love these rocks:

1 comment:

The Trail Jogger said...

Hey, don't sweat your speed on the trails. You're still going faster than the millions of people who don't run the trails. In addition, you shouldn't be in a rush out there anyway. Just enjoy it and don't worry about your speed!!