Saturday, August 21, 2010

Confessions of a Solitary

It has been about 9 months since I chose solitude intentionally. Before that, I lived in a small town and thought my solitude was a function of where I lived. But, when I moved into the city a year ago, I moved near to social groups where I was held in esteem and could have taken up my old positions. But I realized I no longer wanted to play my part; and so I quit.

Now, I am not involved in any of the stuff that most people claim makes life meaningful. I truly think life is meaningless; a meaningless bad dream. The activites that others think are so meaningful seem like self importance to me. Even love appears like an elaborate control scheme.

What I am doing here is killing time. I earn money for food and kill time. Running and weight lifting are killing time.

The most meaningful part of my life is when I shut down my brain, shut my eyes, and just be.

2 comments:

Spirit Flower said...

Having admitted publically that I think life is meaningless, I feel free. I am no longer afraid someone will find out and not like me. It is out there. Fear is not governing me.

I am free to continue exploring the depths of life. In spirit, we are one. I am free to support the truth of what we really are, not the illusion of physicality.

I just found a short set of trails near where I live. Tomorrow, I'm going to explore. I find running trails to be the next thing that must be part of my running.

Anonymous said...

thanks for this powerful post .